The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Since these things could bite your head off and spit it out, woollen collars were no use so he decided to out-stare it.

 

The Tiger........

..... initially grinned with bemusement, but then he (at this stage we assume that it was a "he" as we hadn't had a chance yet to lift up his tail and check out the other end) realised that Turbo was using the Crocodile Dundee (but in this case the Pussy Turbine) 2 fingers and a thumb technique to subdue him.

 

Eventually the tiger started to weaken & squat, just more because he was becoming weary after standing there for over 75 minutes waiting for the Pussy Turbine spell to take effect, and Pussy was becoming tired too (without his hourly usual glass of Scotch and a few clicks to check out the NES) but could not afford to show weakness as tigers can be really nasty after a failed spell and get even more fractious after becoming cross-eyed while watching Pussy's fingers go ...... 

 

While considering the below photo, just imagine that that big brown thing is a tiger and that muscular arm belongs to the rather more withered Turdy Planner.

Edited August 2 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......round and road. Eventually the tiger rolled on its side and Turbo tickled its tummy and they became good mates.

Having trained the tiger, Turbo sooled it onto Cappy just for fine.

 

The tiger let out a blood curdling road, which silenced the whole population of bone, and charged Cappy

It was about to snap his head of when Turbo whistled and said "Here pussy and the tiger  returned and rolled onto his back.

 

"He was always good withg pussies!" said the old retired bone cat farm foreman sitting in front of the pub......but there was no one left to hear ........

[onetrack]

.....as they'd all run away when they heard an escaped Tiger was on the loose - thus leaving Bone almost deserted. The Cat Farm foreman was deaf, so he never heard the warning about an escaped Tiger, and failed to run away with the rest.

 

What was not generally known - and something that Turbo never mentioned - was that when he was studying for his PhD (Pussy Handling Degree) - which was to ensure he was legally qualified to start up his Cat Farms - Turbo was known to tickle the tummies of.................

 

Edited August 3 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

..........the dinosaurs at the secret location near Winton.

They were first known as Min Min lights. People driving south would see these quite large lights bobbing up and down in the distance, then disappearing as they got closer. Turbo became curious and took a caravan up to the track and stayed there for a month until one night he heard what sounded like a herd of cattle galloping towards the caravan. He quickly pulled out his big spotlight and saw these four dynosaurs, their huge eyes blinking in the strong light. With his cat-herding skills he managed to get them into an isolated stockyard and phoned a Paleantologist friend Rodney.

 

Turbo studied up on the eating habits of dynosaurs, and befriended them with treats, then walked them up to the secret location, built them shade huts, had drinking water connected and sewed a large area of lucerne where they would have lush feed all year round. The dynosaurs loved it and ...............

 

 

[Captain]

..... bred up much faster that Turbo had anticipated, in fact faster than rabbits, as it turned out that if nobody nicks the eggs for their morning omelettes, the gestation period of a dinosaur is just .....

[Captain]

...... a tad slower than the well-known measure of time known as "Quick-Stix", so that meant that the world was .....

[turboplanner]

..........doing a complete spin every 24 hours. To the dynos this was an unheard of speed, since they moved at the speed of Loxie when he gets up in the morning. The dynosaurs began flying off the earth and since they were heavier than gravity, they started flying [avref] off........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..........doing a complete spin every 24 hours. To the dynos this was an unheard of speed, since they moved at the speed of Loxie when he gets up in the morning. The dynosaurs began flying off the earth and since they were heavier than gravity, they started flying [avref] off........

..... piste, because when they were not flying (avref) they would spend part of each winter ......

[turboplanner]

.....sober, and that was no fun at all. After all, how would you like to have to walk around in swamps, naked, just eating weeds.

 

One day Dyno, who was the leader of the pack said "...................

 

[onetrack]

......."I've had enough of this stomping around in primeval steaming jungles, snacking on Neanderthals and pterodactyls, and watching volcanoes blow their tops! - there must be more to life than this!"

 

So Dyno set off early one morning, to try and find a Garden of Eden for Dinosaurs, a place where.........

[turboplanner]

.....all dynosaurs could gather, have a few drinks of water and lay back in the sun.

All they found though was a human wearing nothing but a fig leaf, singing Janis Joplin songs and ...........

[onetrack]

.......handing out apples to all and sundry, saying, "Try one of these! - they taste SO good!!" Dyno took one, and bit into it, and within seconds, he knew he shouldn't have touched it.

 

His mind went into a kaleidoscopic explosion, like he'd taken LSD (that's if they had LSD back then - although, if the bloke was singing Janis Joplin, then LSD was surely around there, too), and his eyeballs popped and he saw the surrounding world in a new light. The worst part was, it was a world full of people trying to kill him and eat him!! - so he started running through this............

[Captain]

10 hours ago, onetrack said:

His mind went into a kaleidoscopic explosion, like he'd taken LSD (that's if they had LSD back then - although, if the bloke was singing Janis Joplin, then LSD was surely around there, too), and his eyeballs popped and he saw the surrounding world in a new light. The worst part was, it was a world full of people trying to kill him and eat him!! - so he started running through this......

.... cacophony of light, sound, danger and Janice Joplin images, plus a few of Ravi Shankar, and John Lennon.

 

All of this meant that Dyno saw something that others had never experienced, so he set himself up as a Guru on a mountain top in Vicmanistan (the actual site is thought to up near Mansfield somewhere) and charged all of his pilgrims a fortune to hear his words of wisdom and to listen to him playing a 20 ft long dinosaur sized sitar, after which he did his best to get dinosaur chicks pregnant.

 

Dyno the Guru (DtG) became a ......

 

While this top shot may look more like Keith Richards, you get the idea by combining both pictures.

(NB Ravi is actually a bit of a dinosaur anyway).

 

Edited August 5 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......Rock Star with a string of hits starting with Rock around the flock, Dyno Rock, These teeth were made for eatin and many more.

 

His claws produced a metallic twang which would be revived thousands of years later as ...................

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......Rock Star with a string of hits starting with Rock around the flock, Dyno Rock, These teeth were made for eatin and many more.

 

His claws produced a metallic twang which would be revived thousands of years later as ...................

.... part of a medley of songs performed at the AUF Annual Fly-In by the Narromine Senior Citizens & Retirement Village String Band under the very clever title "Songs of the Rotax Gearbox and Jabiru Thru-Bolts"), so the metallic twanging was very relevant to the gathered AUF members, so many of them ducked and ......

Edited August 6 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......pretended to be snoozing or totally absorbed in tghe swirling trails of their cocktails, and then someone announced the Mangalore two-step......................................

 

 

 

https://www.1001crash.com/aviation-video-avion_fou-lg-2-nobody-onboard-nobody-can-stop-plane.html

[onetrack]

......which was a local dance specialty, devised by "Woomera" Turbine, a legend of the local indigenous community, an Elder, and a qualified pilot as well.

 

"Woomera" Turbine devised the dance as an alternative to the more boring local corroboree dances, after he saw Cappy hand prop his Drifter with the throttle advanced, the brakes off, no chocks or tiedowns - and the machine took off with alacrity with no-one in the seat - with Cappy doing a fine old high-stepping dance, trying to avoid spinning prop blades, wings, wheels, and other various airborne flying parts, as the........

 

Edited August 7 by onetrack

[Captain]

..... realization came over him that becoming Jack Newton the 2nd was not a good idea.

 

Cappy moved like a cross between a gazelle, a panther, a pit viper and Dan Andrews, which meant that he was Teflon coated and untouchable, so he saw each sweep of the prop in slow motion and was able to duck, dodge and weave, then dance like Mohammed (Ali, not the Hamas prophet) to reach in and flick off the ignition switches.

 

The engine stopped, the crowd applauded and Cappy, ever modest and unassuming, said "........

[turboplanner]

......."I demonstrated what could go wrong in an AUF start, and how to handle this quite frequent cause of lost mates, lost arms, lost legs and lost dogs."

 

Cappy innocently posted this inciudent and advice on the AUF website, hoping he could save a few souls, but the attacks started with that eloquent quote "I tort meself to fly......." followed by a vicious barrage of .............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy innocently posted this inciudent and advice on the AUF website, hoping he could save a few souls, but the attacks started with that eloquent quote "I tort meself to fly......." followed by a vicious barrage of .............

...... FMDs, BMDs, YAAD-S, WACs, and the occasional ......

[turboplanner]

.......YMEDs followed by ..............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......YMEDs followed by ..............

.... taking lots of other meds, including quite a few of Tubb's usual uppers and downers, which he learnt to manage (and enjoy) when long distance trucking while testing his various designs of chassis mods (Turbs needed lots of uppers back then, when his trucks broke down due to HT cracks).

 

The AUF shindig really went into high gear when Turbo prescribed (he is a medical professional and not a dealer) small amounts of uppers to the ......

 

I hasten to add for the benefit of any new NESers, that my close mates Turbo, Onetrack and bull have never needed to use drink spiking drugs as the ladies, and some trannies, can't get enough of them when they are out on the town.

[turboplanner]

Wings of the Drifters; immediately there was a big increase in performance, but it was noted that performance fell off quickly, and many finished up in swamps and gulleys until bull came up with and "Uppers" pocket in his flying suit.

 

Being an exhibitionist, bull walked into a pub one night. The "Uppers" label on his pocket (bull labelled everything) attracted Constable Doubtfire who was there to celebrate a birthday and ...................................

[Captain]

On 08/08/2025 at 8:12 AM, turboplanner said:

.... and many finished up in swamps and gulleys until bull came up with and "Uppers" pocket in his flying suit.

Being an exhibitionist, bull walked into a pub one night. The "Uppers" label on his pocket (bull labelled everything) attracted Constable Doubtfire who was there to celebrate a birthday and .......

..... who pushed bull up against the wall using her full and ample body, perhaps a little too forcefully and with perhaps too many oscillations (avref) and a little too much gasping ...... however bull was used to this type of thing as he has always been seen by the female of the species as highly desirable in a manic physical sense.

 

"Why have you used a capital letter on your Uppers pocket?" asked Doubty (when she had finished with the other as mentioned above), who found this to be quite suspicious, given that NSW Police Intel had identified that bull and never pushed a Caps key in his many years since inception.

 

bull scrambled for an answer as he moved away from the wall, with his knees still trembling, and he said ".....

Edited August 9 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......it's because the CAPS key was locked on when I started typing, and I didn't realise it was, until I got to the second letter!

It was the worst day of my life, when I found there was a lock for CAPS, and it was so easy to bump it!

 

Then I hit PRINT while I was trying to unlock CAPS, and here we are! - a pocket with a word on it, starting with a Capital letter, and I couldn't do anything about it!"

 

Const Doubtfire soothed bulls agony with a gentle............