Captain Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 And with that the NES ground (avref) to a full stop (avref) for want of Turbo adding a few ..........'s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 (edited) "what a tight xxxx turbo must be" commented bull. "i have a lot that i wanted to contribute to the nes, and as usual the words are wanting to flow from my keyboard, but then this silvertail moorabbin dill (xxxxref) must have run out of his quota of ……...'s, so nobody can make any nes progress. what a xxxxx. Edited March 26, 2020 by Captain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 Realising the critical situation, Turbo phoned Scomo. "Sign them yourself, you have my authority, now P!ss off, I'm busy!. Mortified at upsetting his dear friend, he nevertheless typed out a Patent Application, singned it Quentin Turbine Esq, by Order of the Prime Minister of Australia, acting for the Governor-General of Australia, acting for the Queen. The NES quickly grated back into gear with a......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 (edited) ....….. cough and a splutter (rotaxavref) ...…….. but not Covid-69 related. "thank xxxx" said bull and he launched into his best ever tome in the nes as his wordsmithing talents flowed like bundy at a gypsy joker's picnic. it was spectacular although still devoid of capital letters, but the crowd went wild as bull commenced with his oft remembered fnq words "we find these truths to be self evident eh, that ...………………...……... Edited March 26, 2020 by Captain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 ........but he was interrupted by a cane grower from Euri Creek who yelled "What XXXXXXX truths?" bull did his best, bit it was self-evident that he hadn't calculated for one of those wankers from Euri Creek who had an answer for everything except where to find work. One Track helped him out. "He told you" he said "He said the truths were self-evident" This caught the cane grower by surprise. He'd heard those words before, but wasn't quite sure what they meant, so rather than make an embarrasing mistake he remained quiet. This was all the time bull needed and he waded in with ............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 ...……."blessed eh are the cheesmakers, eh, bignose eh?" This was, of course directed at Turbo and OT who nobody has ever called proboscisly challenged, so with that it REALLY hit the fan, which meant that the ever brave Salty, Heidi and The Skipper were required to leap ………….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 ........to avoid the spray of Swine Flu virus which Turbo had been keeping for just such an occasion. Not many people know that when the Covid-19 virus collides with the Swine Flu virus they mate, producing a Mega-Virus capable of emasculating a man. This meant that..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hihosland Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 ................ the NES crowd carried on as before with no new ill effects because subsequent to their relations with Mavis, the holy harness, and radiation leakage from the turbocanabulator they had no need for social isolation as a result of having been ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 ....encabulated; An explanation is given below by Turbo's Engineer, Professor Hog, who had a Veterinary Degree, just like the Professor one of the TV channels hired to teach us about the Corona Virus a few days ago #. Professor Hog: "We knew we had to work fast because the government was shelling out money at a frightening rate. We notice under the microscope all sample has a particular shimmer to them, a series of waving lines, like Arizona Line Dancers, so we pumped water through the Encabulator's anterior network, and produced hydrogen, which we heated by routing it through the Parkinson loop; with me1?" and the audience of 500 vigorously nodded their heads. He went on: "this created a shimmer in the hydrogen which we saved by spinning it on the lower hard disk; we then spun it in the lower centrifuge and were able to project atoms into samples of live Covid-9 and kill it instantly. "From there it was just a matter of miniaturising it, and mounting it on a belt which goes around the waist. A water bottle is attached to the belt and piped to the EEC, the person flips it on, and any sample of virus they come across are killed instantly - a kick in the guts so to speak." "We think, that this product when worn by the community will wipe out the virus by about Easter. In fact our first customer who just ordered 270 million expects his Country to be free of the virus by the end of Easter." "We have to but them" said ......... # With the government prepared to empty the bank to pay us all hoping to kill the virus in 6 months, one of this Academic's fellow professors waded into it, and said he would have gone in hard and knocked it out early. The good Professor had been hired because of his outstanding work on the HIV virus. This virus mutated from a Chimpanzee to a human in Kinshasa in 1920, 100 years ago and he still hasn't fixed it yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 (edited) STOP PRESS NES GRINDS TO A HALT ….. AGAIN. TURBO FAILS TO PROVIDE LEADIN TO NEXT STORY ...….. AGAIN. ( EXPLANATION - A LEAD IN FROM PROF HOG IS NOT RELEVANT AS HE IS NOT AN NES CONTRIBUTOR AND IS JUST A GUEST BEING QUOTED BY TINK). I DONT KNOW WHY TURBO DOESN'T JUST XXXX OFF …. AGAIN. …...………. MODERATOR 6 (AGAIN) WHO IS GOING STIR CRAZY IN SELF-ISOLATION WITH TOO MUCH SELF-SATISFACTION ………... WHILE HE (OR SHE- NTTIAWWT) KNOWS FULL WELL THAT TURBO IS DOWN AT THE GYM WITH LOTS OF LADIES AND THEN PLAYING THE POKIES AT HIS MOORABBIN CASINO THIS MORNING …… BEFORE HE MEETS WITH ONE OF THE MORANS DOWN IN LYGON ST FOR LUNCH OUT ON THE FOOTPATH IN FULL GAZE OF DANIEL ANDREWS & HIS JACK BOOTED WALLOPERS. Edited March 27, 2020 by Captain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 Turbo respectfully points out that in the above post #11:17 Captain AGAIN has, in his excitement of possibly catching Turbo in a rare mistake, made another of his many mistakes and he himself, who wakes up every morning saying "How are we this morning, your Greatness" referrng to the mirror in his room. He usually replies in a much quieter and weaker voice "Very well your highness" except for one day when Turbo secreted a voice activated microphone which triggered a recording of Turbo's Plumber, Darryl's booming voice saying 'NONE THE BETTER FOR YOUR ASKING, XXXX!" Turbo is also intrigued at the bonding between Captain and bull, one using all lower case; it's a bit like the film Big Fauss and Little Halsey, so at any minute we may see them break out in a Thruster, one flying and the other doing gasket changes as passenger, or even........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 Turbo respectfully points out that in the above post #11:17 Captain AGAIN has, in his excitement of possibly catching Turbo in a rare mistake, made another of his many mistakes and he himself, who wakes up every morning saying "How are we this morning, your Greatness" referrng to the mirror in his room. He usually replies in a much quieter and weaker voice "Very well your highness" except for one day when Turbo secreted a voice activated microphone which triggered a recording of Turbo's Plumber, Darryl's booming voice saying 'NONE THE BETTER FOR YOUR ASKING, XXXX!" Turbo is also intrigued at the bonding between Captain and bull, one using all lower case; it's a bit like the film Big Fauss and Little Halsey, so at any minute we may see them break out in a Thruster, one flying and the other doing gasket changes as passenger, or even........ ………. the great Thruster Vs Drifter war of '64 when the AUF was dogfight city and Rotax 582's were in strong demand. "i have a blue head" was one of the favourite sayings on the teletype when the pilots were social distancing in '64, when telegrams took a week and …….... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 ........you could buy a gallon of petrol for thirty cents. Captain couldn't help himself and started it with: "Drifters are SXXX!, and ........" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 ………… yes, dear readers, Drifters really are SEXY!, and I would have joined the mile-high-club in one if the 582 hadn't run out of puff at 1200 ft and if I would have had an autopilot, without which it's pretty hard to climb around into the back seat with your main squeeze (even harder than in the back seat of a Mini 850), and ...………….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hihosland Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 (edited) .......we all remember how THAT worked out back when to the no-Rotaxers having a blue head indicated ................. Edited March 27, 2020 by hihosland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 (edited) ………. you had the latest and greatest in 1950's 2 stroke technology …….. or you were a Smurf nutter ………… or you drank too much colloidal silver …..... or ……... AHLOX IN HIS SMURF OUTFIT AND A DURRY ON THE WAY TO THE BOB. THE RESULT OF TOO MUCH COLLOIDAL SILVER A PARTIALLY NAKED TURBO DIGGING UP HIS STASH OF ENCABULATORS THAT WERE BURIED DURING THE PATENT DISPUTE ......…… WHEN PLAYING PAPA SMURF GOT YOU LOTS OF ACTION WITH THE MOORABIN SMURFETTES (WHO WERE PRETTY DESPERATE). Edited March 27, 2020 by Captain 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 Those were the days. Turbo's smurf outfits were so stunning that BP created miniatures; Turbo was posing for photos for years, and the sales in the servos pushed BP's earnings into the stratosphere. You could tell your Secretary to take all calls, lunch was three hours, but it all came to an end when Turbo presented the models for his "Smurf Unplugged" series which featured combinations of Mr and Mrs Smurf, which Turbo thought would appeal to parents and children alike, but...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 (edited) …….. there was one position, which frankly was more "Smurf Plugged" which created the issue with the Censor, BP and the Catholic Church, which meant that Turbo was …………… THE AUF DINNER AT THE RISSOLE AT NATFLY IN NARROMINE WHEN THE SMURF CRAZE WAS AT IT'S HEIGHT. TURBO IS AT LEFT AND EVERTYONE HAD TO PAY HIM A GUINEA TO LICENCE THE COSTUME. WHAT WAS TURBO THINKING? ............ AND THIS ISN'T EVEN THE WORST EXAMPLE, SO HE WAS A REAL SICK PUPPY BACK THEN. Edited March 27, 2020 by Captain 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 That was our marketing department on the front row Cappy and you'd just grabbed Roxette[second from left]'s.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 That was our marketing department on the front row Cappy and you'd just grabbed Roxette[second from left]'s.......... As an aside, just between Turbo & I (so others please don't read further), Roxette is now 73, but she still has my number and we get together occasionally when we both feel well enough, to play "hide-the-smurf" ..... but I have to say that she mentioned recently during the height of passion, that she occasionally still meets with you in the High Roller Room at your Casino. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 Well don't tell anybody, but she recently said you were a spunk (can anybody else read this), and she would like...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 Well don't tell anybody, but she recently said you were a spunk (can anybody else read this), and she would like...... …… to get together with both of us, all in a state of considerable undress, to discuss empennage design and its effect on Bristell tail performance, while Roxette lets her hair down with a ………... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 .........50 tonne crane (she hasn't washed it for 40 years following a scalp infection which was diagnosed as.......... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 ...…….. and over use of Prussian Blue at a young age, which is well known throughout Prussia for buggering up the follicles, but to also …………. AN EXAMPLE OF THE PRUSSIAN FOLLICLY CHALLENGED AND WHY THEY ALWAYS WORE THEIR HELMETS. AFTER RESEARCH, IT TURNS OUT THAT ALL HAD BEEN SMURFS AS KIDDIES. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hihosland Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 ............ follicles up the buggers, which does tend to explain the rather hirsute visage presented by various friends of Roxette who after that grand falling out with Mavis ......................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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