The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

4 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Halfway down the hill old Mrs Welcome was sweeping palm fronds off the road and wondering what was going on down at Leichardt St; her little Snauzer was barking at the rustle of every frond; a drummer started belting out a ........

 

..... n old ACDC tune and Mrs Welcome thought fondly of her days as a groupie when the boys came to town and Bon Scott took her .......

[turboplanner]

.........to a BNB up this very street where they were seen and Bon had to sit up all night signing autographs all night until one of them.........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........to a BNB up this very street where they were seen and Bon had to sit up all night signing autographs until one of them.........

... read Englebert Humperdinck, but in Bon Scott's well-known handwriting, but when Bon then came out with Please Release Me Let me Go and Angus wasn't playing in his uniform of the Bone Primary School, then the people started to suspect that .....

 

It is little known that Turbine Uniform Hire PLC provided all of Angus's uniforms which were also tailored for whatever town ACDC were playing in.

 

Angus wearing the uniform of Bone Primary, and with his "Turbo is an A-hole" cap.

 

 

And here with the uniform and tie from Moorabbin Reform School, including a further denigrating reference to Turdy

Edited July 31 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....something was "off" in the concert programme. It became even more suss, when someone found out that Turbine Roadshows and Entertainment (Yes, folks, TR&E is even bigger than Comcast, even though you may never have heard of them), was behind the event - thus leading to cries of, "We want our money back!!"

 

Turbo, who was also in the audience (but keeping a low profile, as always - he'd told his secretary he had to attend a major Tribunal hearing), started becoming alarmed when the cries of "We want our money back!!" became a crescendo and people starting jumping onto the stage and destroying equipment (which is what they expected to see, with the real Bon on stage). 

 

Things started getting out of hand quickly, and Turbo realised he'd have to decamp rapidly, before he was recognised. Accordingly, he donned a.................

 

Edited July 31 by onetrack

[Captain]

17 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Things started getting out of hand quickly, and Turbo realised he'd have to decamp rapidly, before he was recognised. Accordingly, he donned a.......

.... rubber mask of Sir John Kerr, which Turbo looks like (and acts like) anyway, so it was simple for him to bugger off/skulk out the side door, cut across Block 4095 of the Bone Mango Corporation and head down to the Big Mango for a cool drink and to catch the bus.

 

But he soon heard the soft foot pads of a big male GBM&OCL and Turbo sh....... 

 

Tubb wearing his Sir John Kerr rubber mask just before his big skulk at Bone.

Those uncaring eyes, those rotten teeth, and the plastic do-dad around his neck were a giveaway to all that know him.

Edited July 31 by Captain

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, onetrack said:

he'd told his secretary he had to attend a major Tribunal hearing

Do any NESers know where anyone can get 3 Bunals from these days, given the rises in the cost of living?

[Captain]

19 hours ago, Captain said:

..... her little Snauzer was barking at the rustle of every frond; .....

 

[turboplanner]

16 hours ago, Captain said:

 

....shifted his position; it was too late to get away so he followed the advice of the Great Hunter, Jim Corbet and lay on his back to let the GBM&OCL walk over him like the Indian leopards are inclined to do, and at the right moment, snap his nuts off.

 

This would have worked if the Snauzer hadn't, just at that mement............

[Captain]

9 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....shifted his position; it was too late to get away so he followed the advice of the Great Hunter, Jim Corbet and lay on his back to let the GBM&OCL walk over him like the Indian leopards are inclined to do, and at the right moment, snap his nuts off.

 

This would have worked if the Snauzer hadn't, just at that mement............

Cappy is very protective of his, so cannot understand why Turbo would lie on his back with the dire risk that the GBM&OCL would snap his nuts off. Although Cappy hastens to add that he has always admired the bravery of his best mate and combat buddy, when under fire (or under a GBM&OCL).

 

...... finished licking its own, then barked at the .....

[turboplanner]

.............GBM&OCL which immediately changed direction, jumped the fence and headed for the Snauser................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.............GBM&OCL which immediately changed direction, jumped the fence and headed for the Snauser................

....., so Mrs Welcome immediately put on her chastity belt (personally made, fitted [and tested} by bull's bone personally fitted & tested chastity belt & boner blockers inc [bbpf&tcb&bbi] - name registered and patents applied for), so that neither Turbo nor the GBM&OCL could get direct access to her .....

 

 

A couple of bbpf&tcb&bbi's finest creations, as available from their triple shop front in Leichardt St ... and available with free shipping worldwide on Amazon, Nile, Murrumbidgee and Rhine.

 

Edited August 1 by Captain

[turboplanner]

3 minutes ago, Captain said:

 

 

3 minutes ago, Captain said:

 

 

[Captain]

4 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

 

 

No I didn't

[turboplanner]

....with its claws.

The result was a success with the GB<&OCL scurrying for the foreshore trees.

 

Cappy's mind is playing tricks on him, probably due to the extended time he's been "off the chicks"; the objects he posted are in fact bridle frames for the draught horses that used to pull log wagons up on the Dorrigo. They fitted over the leather bridle and usually three bells were clipper on to the tops. (Cappy has shown them here upside down). In this way the bells on the team hauling the logs up warned the team coming down and the driver would pull the horses over into a lay-by. Todat the logs are hauled by Macks, there are no bells and the contractors usually push the uphill trucks over the side so they have to call in a recovery vehice with a winch and the downhill guys can get three more loads for the day. The cabs get damaged but the Macks look much the samme as new one so it doesn't matter. Now and again .........

[Captain]

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy's mind is playing tricks on him, ........ the objects he posted are in fact bridle frames for the draught horses that used to pull log wagons up on the Dorrigo.

Cappy always accepts the superior knowledge of his best mate and battle buddy, however Cappy just comments, and will leave it there, that he was unaware that draft horses (note the spelling difference in Victoristan) have orifices on their necks at exactly the same spacing as the ladies for which those in the photos were fabricated.

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.... with its claws.

The result was a success with the GB<&OCL scurrying for the foreshore trees .....

..... and the schnauzer proudly humping .....

[turboplanner]

....the Gymea Lily near the fromnt door.

"It wasn't like this when I was here" a shocked bull thought.

He Spun round just as a Jabiru 160 with the numbers scrubbed out and the loose undercarriage clacking like the 6:45 from Townsville (avref) scorched up Herbert St between the shops and called "Low Base" for the airport.

bull was proud to be a Tasmanian that day and ......

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....the Gymea Lily near the fromnt door.

"It wasn't like this when I was here" a shocked bull thought.

He Spun round just as a Jabiru 160 with the numbers scrubbed out and the loose undercarriage clacking like the 6:45 from Townsville (avref) scorched up Herbert St between the shops and called "Low Base" for the airport.

bull was proud to be a Tasmanian that day and ......

.... picked up his 13 kg pet Cane Toad, imaginatively named Caney, because bull knew full well that a J160 landing out at bone airport at this time of night would take out hundreds of Caney's kin, hence the reason for the 160's loose undercarriage and the Cane Toad Splatters on the .....

Edited August 1 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......nearby rooftops.

Caney had other ideas and quickly slipped out of his fingers and within five minutes was 17 houses away, having mated 17 times on the trip.

He was approaching the RSL car park when.......

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......nearby rooftops.

Caney had other ideas and quickly slipped out of his fingers and within five minutes was 17 houses away, having mated 17 times on the trip.

He was approaching the RSL car park when.......

.... he noticed a lone GBM&OCL that was a free agent and not associated with any of the previously mentioned GBM&OCLs that have headlined in the NES to date.

 

Caney felt danger so, in defense, he pumped up his umpteen poison glands to the extent that he looked like a 13 kg cane toad that was covered with .......

Edited August 1 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....warts, in fact surprisingly like Cappy in the late afternoon. The Ziga Zag snail trail along the footpath was also surprisingly similar.

 

Turbo had also identified the GBM and OCL by its tracks. The off-forepaw had a gap where a toe had been shot off by a Queensland pig shooter. the QPS's were notorious for their bad aim; virtually none had tasted bacon cooked on a camp fire.

 

This particular one though was not a GBM, but a genuine Khyber Pass Leopard, and a man eater.

 

The communitty of bone had to be protected. Already three bone women, handing clothes on their clotheslines had been taken and the blood trails and drag marks indicated a lair in the south east part of the town. 

 

Cappy and Turbo immediately put aside their differences, and Turbo bough a 308 for himself, a pea rifle for Cappy and two heavy scarfs to protect their throats, should the leopard jump them from a tree.

 

As they cautiosly proceeded down Herbert St, Turbo looking up into the trees and Cappy lo. oking under every shrub, all the doors closed, all the lights went out. Cappy ........

 

 

[onetrack]

....spotted a large domestic pussycat on its nocturnal wanderings and yelled, "Look out!!", firing his pea rifle from the hip - just the once, of course, as pea rifles need to be front loaded after every shot.

 

Meantimes, Turbo had riddled every structure, every vehicle, and every inanimate shape that even slightly resembled a large cat, with his .308 Winchester with the 10 round magazine. 

 

As the smoke cleared and Cappy raised his head, he asked, "Did you..........

[turboplanner]

......get him?

"No" replied Turbo, "I was just sighting the 308; did you get him?"

They lapsed into a comfortable silence; there was no rancour, because as old soldiers, they knew that some retraining was needed to get up to currency.

Then Cappy saw a flash of red and "ppt" went his rifle and the leopard dropped in its tracks.

"I thought it was TIGERS that were red murmured Turbo; aren's Leopards Yellow?"

They crept forward ..........

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Then Cappy saw a flash of red and "ppt" went his rifle and the leopard dropped in its tracks.

"I thought it was TIGERS that were red murmured Turbo; aren's Leopards Yellow?"

They crept forward ......

.... and discovered one of those crappy big ginger coloured moggies with 3 legs (there is compelling evidence that this moggie had chewed its own leg off to escape from the Turbine Cat Farm down the road in Heronvale) ....... [As readers will attest, many of us sometimes feel like doing something similar when Turbo goes into lecturing mode elsewhere on Wreck Frying].

 

As is usual with Cappy's shooting, the moggie was close to death and Cappy looked at Turbo to see if he was contemplating mouth-to-mouth, but ......

 

As one of OZ's most qualified snipers, Cappy's shooting over the years has shown that his use of a Pea Shooter was of similar effectiveness to Tubb's use of a 308 when set on full auto, so a Pea Shooter is all Cappy needs to be effective ...... Well, that and the fact that they took his Three 0 off him after Cappy plugged Turbo in the freckle region up the khyber under rule three-0-three.

[turboplanner]

......he wasn't, but in the distance he saw a red shape on a hill, and he knew he'd have to follow up the blood trail, because Cappy never would, never could. For the first 20 minutes he was downwind of the tiger but as the wind started backing and veering things got a lot more dangerous, and sure enough he found himself facing a wounded tiger.

 

Since these things could bite your head off and spit it out, woollen collars were no use so he decided to out-stare it.

 

The Tiger.............