The Purple Wombat.

[Chucky]

There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down to the bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friends huddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat.

 

Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So he asked them "What's the Purple Wombat?" "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the children exclaimed disgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy, always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy, confused, got on the bus along with the rest of the children.

 

"Hey, Mister Bus Driver!" one of the children shouted. "Billy doesn't know what the Purple Wombat is!" The bus driver turned around abruptly. "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" he said in disbelief. He ordered Billy to sit in the very back of the bus, all by himself.

 

Eventually, they got to school, and Billy got off the bus and went to class. Class proceeded normally. The students did the pledge of allegiance and worked on their multiplication tables for a while. Then the teacher led them into a unit on geography. Billy was not really paying attention, but he heard the teacher mention something about the Purple Wombat.

 

Billy's hand shot up, and, when the teacher called on him, Billy asked "Teacher, what's the Purple Wombat?" "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the teacher cried in alarm "Get yourself to the principal's office right now, young man!"

 

So Billy headed down the long, dark, frightening hallway to the principal's office. He slowly opened the large, heavy door, and timidly entered the room behind it. There, at a large, imposing desk, sat the principal. The principal was a hulking man, balding, with a thin moustache. He spoke in a deep baritone voice. He was enough to frighten little boys like Billy who had been sent to his office almost to tears.

 

"Well, Billy" he began slowly. "What seems to be the problem?" "Mr Principal, I just don't know what's going on today. Everyone's been acting weird, and they're all treating me really badly. Like teacher just sent me to you and stuff".

 

"Now, Billy, I'm here to help you. I'm the princi-PAL, after all. Heh heh. Can you tell me why everyone's acting so strangely?" "It's because I don't know what some stupid Purple Wombat is". "What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is? That's it. I am calling your mother, young man. Consider yourself suspended!"

 

The principal threw Billy out of his office and told him to go home. Billy, crying, began the long walk home. When he got there, his mother was standing in the doorway waiting for him.

 

"Billy!" she called, sobbing "I was so worried about you! What happened?" "Mummy!" cried Billy "Everyone was being mean to me and I had to sit in the back of the bus all by myself and the teacher sent me to the principal's office and the principal suspended me, all because I don't know what the Purple Wombat is!"

 

"What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" Billy's mother shrieked. "Go to your room this minute. Go! Just wait until your father gets home!"

 

So Billy marched up the stairs and into his room. He collapsed on the bed, crying. After some amount of time, he heard a car pull in and some doors shutting. His father was home. He could hear his parents talking downstairs but didn't know what they were saying. Then he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and his door opened.

 

"Billy" his father began in that lecturing-father tone, "Your mother says you've been acting badly lately. Would you like to tell me what you've done?" "Dad, I haven't done anything! I just don't know what the Purple Wombat is!" "You... don't know what the Purple Wombat is. Well, in that case, you can just stay in this room all night, mister. And forget about dinner!" Billy's father slammed the door and stormed off. Billy collapsed on his bed, crying his eyes out. He spent the next several hours that way - lying there, crying, wishing he would wake up.

 

Then, in the middle of the night, he heard a voice. It said "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat, Billy". Billy sat up with a start. He looked around the room, trying to find the source of the voice, but he could not. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Find me, Billy".

 

It was coming from out the window. So Billy got up, put his shoes on, opened the window, and climbed out on to the roof. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat". Billy jumped down off the roof and followed the voice down the road. He got to the edge of a wood. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Follow me, Billy".

 

The voice was coming from inside the wood. It was very dark and very frightening, but Billy didn't care. He had to find out what the Purple Wombat was. So, bravely, he entered the wood. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Keep going, Billy".

 

Billy kept going into the wood. He could hardly see anything, and he kept falling down and walking into things and hurting himself. But he kept going, driven by a need to find this enigma that kept calling his name. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. This way, Billy". Eventually, Billy emerged from the wood. He was on the shore of the town lake. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. I'm out here, Billy".

 

It was coming from out across the lake. Billy got one of the small rowboats from the dock, untied it, and rowed out. Since he was only a small boy, it was very difficult. But he had to find out what the Purple Wombat was. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Row, Billy".

 

The voice was coming from across the lake. Billy doubled his effort, and the boat began to move a little faster. When he was about half way across the lake, he heard: "Billy, I am the Purple Wombat. I'm up here, Billy".

 

It was coming from directly above him. Billy stopped rowing and stood up to look for it. The boat tipped over, dumping him in the lake. Billy didn't know how to swim, so he drowned.

 

The moral of the story? Don't stand up in a boat.

 

 

 

[RKW]

Chucky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

[Wayne T Mathews]

Aarrgh ... Ahlocks oughta ban ya if you keep doing that to us...

 

 

[cscotthendry]

So what's a purple wombat?????

 

I know...Go to your room!

 

 

[skeptic36]

Hey Chucky, did you hear the one about the Teddy Bear............

 

One evening, a gentleman checked into a hotel. He had been travelling for

 

days, and was tired. After filling out the registration forms, he was

 

handed the key to a room on the 21st floor, which happened to be the only

 

availble room.

 

As the gentleman (let's call him Fred), as Fred was about to retire to his

 

room, the desk clerk said "Sir, I feel I must mention something about your

 

room. Inside, you will find a teddy bear. Please, I beg you don't touch

 

this teddy bear." Fred turns away, and heads toward the elevator. "Oh,

 

and the elevator isn't working," he hears the clerk say. The clerk then

 

turns back to his work.

 

Fred, resigned to his fate, heads towards the stairwell. With his

 

suitcase, he begins to climb - up the stairs, and around the corner, up

 

the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner,

 

up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the

 

corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around

 

the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and

 

around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs,

 

and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the

 

stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, and

 

then suddenly at the seventh floor the stairs stop. In front of him is a

 

forest, with lush, thick undergrowth that he can't walk through.

 

Confused, Fred turns around and begins to walk down the stairs, and around

 

the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and

 

around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the

 

stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the

 

corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and

 

around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the

 

stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, and back to the reception desk.

 

To the desk clerk, Fred says "I was walking up to my room, but at the

 

seventh floor I can't walk any further. Is there another way to my room?"

 

"No, sir," says the desk clerk, "All you have to do is press the green

 

button on the right. And don't touch the teddy bear." He then goes back

 

to his work.

 

So once again, Fred begins the long walk up to his room. Up the stairs,

 

and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the

 

stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up

 

the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner,

 

up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the

 

corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around

 

the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and

 

around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs,

 

and around the corner, and then at the seventh floor, Fred presses the

 

green button on the right.

 

Out of nowhere, a set of monkey bars appear for him to cross the forest,

 

with a hook for his suitcase. And so Fred begins to clamber his way

 

across the forest. At the other side the stairs begin again.

 

Up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the

 

corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around

 

the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and

 

around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs,

 

and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the

 

stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up

 

the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner,

 

up the stairs, and around the corner, and then, at the fourteenth floor,

 

there is a giant lake. Fred, not willing to walk down the stairs, looks

 

for a green button on the right. There isn't one.

 

So with a sigh, Fred turns around and begins to walk down the stairs, and

 

around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the

 

stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the

 

corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and

 

around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the

 

stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the

 

corner, down the stairs, and around the corner back to the forest, where

 

he presses the green button on the right, swings across the forest and

 

then once again heads down the stairs, and around the corner, down the

 

stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the

 

corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and

 

around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the

 

stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the

 

corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and

 

around the corner to the reception desk.

 

"Excuse me, again," says Fred to the desk clerk. "I've made it past the

 

forest, but on the fourteenth floor there is a lake. I looked for the

 

green button on the right, but it wasn't there. What do I do?"

 

The desk clerk looks up, and gives Fred a smile reserved for those

 

customers who are beginning to try his patience, and says "Press the blue

 

button on the left sir. And don't touch the teddy bear." and goes back to

 

work.

 

Once again, with suitcase in hand, Fred goes up the stairs, and around the

 

corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around

 

the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and

 

around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs,

 

and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the

 

stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up

 

the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner,

 

up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the

 

corner, and then at the seventh floor, Fred presses the green button on

 

the right, swings across the forest and then up the stairs, and around the

 

corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around

 

the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and

 

around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs,

 

and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the

 

stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up

 

the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner,

 

up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner

 

to the fourteenth floor.

 

Fred presses the blue button on the left, and a row boat appears. So Fred

 

rows across the lake, with Row, Row your boat playing on musak. On the

 

other side the stairs continue, so Fred walks up the stairs, and around

 

the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and

 

around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs,

 

and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the

 

stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up

 

the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the corner,

 

up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around the

 

corner, up the stairs, and around the corner, up the stairs, and around

 

the corner and then he is at the twenty-first floor, and his room.

 

Tired to the point of exhaustion, he drops his suitcase and lies down on

 

the bed. After a brief nap, Fred wakes up and decided to watch some TV.

 

Looking around he spies the remote sitting under a big, brown, fluffy

 

teddy bear. Not remembering the clerk's warnings, Fred picks up the bear,

 

takes the remote control and starts to flick through the channels.

 

Just settling in, Fred notices some movement in the corner of the room

 

where the teddy bear is. He wasn't too concerned at first, figuring it's

 

because of the light from the television. Then he heard the growling.

 

The teddy bear was waking up.

 

The bear looks around the room and spies Fred, sitting in an armchair in

 

front of the television. With a menacing look (can teddy bears have

 

menacing looks?) the bear begins to approach Fred. Having seen enough

 

B-grade horror movies, Fred realises that this is not good, and moves away

 

from the teddy bear.

 

All of a sudden, the bear goes wild. It starts tearing down wallpaper,

 

destroying furniture, throwing chairs through windows. Fred decides

 

rather quickly, that he doesn't want to stick around for any encore

 

performances that this bear may do, runs for the door. The bear follows.

 

Not even willing to bother with the elevator, Fred heads towards the

 

stairwell and begins the journey down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the

 

corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and

 

around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the

 

stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the

 

corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and

 

around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the

 

stairs, and around the corner, to the lake. He presses the blue button on

 

the left, gets in the boat and rows to the other side (row, row, row your

 

boat, gently down the stream), gets out and goes down the stairs, and

 

around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the

 

stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the

 

corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and

 

around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the

 

stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the

 

corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, to the forest, where he

 

pressed the green button on the right and climbs across the forest on the

 

monkey bars. He then goes down the stairs, and around the corner, down

 

the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the

 

corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and

 

around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the

 

stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the corner,

 

down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and around the

 

corner, down the stairs, and around the corner, down the stairs, and

 

around the corner, to the reception area. All the time he can hear the

 

teddy bear right behind him.

 

Fred isn't sure what this bear will do, so he runs outside, and right

 

behind him is the teddy bear, going wild - tearing up furnishings,

 

knocking over other customers, in it's crazed state and haste to get to

 

Fred. Fred knows that his car has been parked, and not wanting to wait

 

for the valet, jumps into a cab that was about to drive away. He yells at

 

the driver to get him as far away as he can in the quickest amount of time

 

possible, but it was too late.

 

The teddy bear jumps onto the taxi, and literally pulls the roof off. The

 

bear ignores the driver, and turns to Fred who is cowering in the back

 

seat. Slowly, the teddy bear extends his paw towards Fred, who tries to

 

shrink lower into the seat, away from the crazed stuffed toy.

 

The paw comes closer, Fred tries harder to pull away.

 

The paw still comes closer, and closer, and closer. Fred can't move any

 

further away, so he just awaits what he is sure to be his doom.

 

The paw touches his shoulder, and Fred, cowering in the back seat of a

 

taxi hears a voice.

 

The voice of the teddy bear.

 

It says....

 

..."You're it."

 

 

[Bryon]

Have I told you the one about the two toed sloth?

 

 

[ayavner]

5 minutes of my life I'll never get back!

 

 

[rankamateur]

Nearly as hard to read as the never ending story!

 

 

[ayavner]

And almost as rewarding!

 

 

 

[eightyknots]

I'd rather be flying than reading these stories !

 

 

[Sapphire]

Won't be caught again, I'll just read the punch line