The Never Ending Story

[BigPete]

....stick it up the young'ns and reclaim lost ground for the more mature and sophisticated flyer. :thumb_up: After all the "silent majority" somewhat over 50's i_dunno will rule the airwaves onced again or my names not TheSecondComingPete. :big_grin: (apoligees to all the god fearing people who might be offended by this scenario)

 

Hi Kapitan :heart: - how's things in your Aunts garden

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[BigPete]

Awwww . I've been gazumped (again).

 

 

regards

 

 

[turboplanner]

...fix EmoticonPete for good.

 

But he'd misjudged because during WW2 when the government handed out limited numbers of emoticons for petrol, food, eggs, butter etc, Emoticon's mother had invented four uncles with various addresses which were actually holiday shacks of rich Collins St lawyers, and she used to hoard the emoticons so shoe could be a millionairess.

 

She was doing well and even named her third son "EmoticonPete" but the war ended before she could spend them and now her son, by a traveling tailor, just kept on plastering them all over the NES.

 

Armed with an unlimited supply EmoticonPete thought he could beat Gold Tooth but....

 

 

[Captain]

"Made in China" he thoughtI will transfer all the emoticons to China and engage an offshore company to monitor the service requirements

 

From now on, all requests for emoticons must go through a call centre somewhere in India.:lol 8:

 

"How devilishly fiendish am I" thought Mahatmarat "this will...........

 

 

..... take the Chinese Gov't's mind off arms sales to Taiwan and BO's meeting with the DL.

 

They'll go mental when they realise that the DL is actually just TP in drag, with a prayer scroll up his .............

 

 

[BigPete]

What I love about the NES is the utter confusion that can exist (like right now!!!)

 

 

[Captain]

....Hi Kapitan :heart: - how's things in your Aunts garden :big_grin::big_grin:

G'day ProdigalPete, (or ProdderPete for short), and welcome back.

 

My Aunt just called me on Skype to say that Pete being back on the scene prompts her to invite him into her garden for nibblys once the mozzies bugger off.

 

 

[Captain]

What I love about the NES is the utter confusion that can exist (like right now!!!)

Where all 5 threads of this story will be brought together by one flash of Tubb's brilliance when he ...................

 

My Aunt just called again to confirm that the "I'd rather be flying at Tooradin" stickers are now outselling the rainbow stickers at the G&L Mardi Gras

 

 

[BigPete]

The very thought of seeing Tub :ah_oh: flashing :yuk: brings me no joy and is doin' my head in.

 

(mmmmm nice red) :heart:

 

regards

 

i_dunnoi_dunno

 

 

[turboplanner]

Awwww . I've been gazumped (again). regards

[ Editor's note: not part of the story - provided for evidence only]

 

The story moves on to a little hut on the outskirts of Canberra where a shaggy haired gnome with a voice like an Air Traffic Controller, clutching a bronze (NOT Orange) model of a sleek (crawling) aircraft was monitoring NES Traffic in much the same way as the CIA monitor world transmissions.

 

He saw the above transmission, and his blood froze -

 

"They would all know what OversizePete meant by that he thought.

 

"The meaning was very clear in each case;this is a blatant case of obfuscation" he thought

 

His hand.....

 

 

[Captain]

[ Editor's note: not part of the story - provided for evidence only]

The story moves on to a little hut on the outskirts of Canberra where a shaggy haired gnome with a voice like an Air Traffic Controller, clutching a bronze (NOT Orange) model of a sleek (crawling) aircraft was monitoring NES Traffic in much the same way as the CIA monitor world transmissions.

 

He saw the above transmission, and his blood froze -

 

"They would all know what OversizePete meant by that he thought.

 

"The meaning was very clear in each case;this is a blatant case of obfuscation" he thought

 

His hand.....

 

..... went to it's usual position, but then he thought "I had better NOT do that (again this morning), as I will then be doing what all of these NES'ers do in many of their posts, so instead I will exercise my powers of moderation and call the US Embassy."

 

Ring, ring ..........

 

"G'day, is that you Chuck?"

 

"Howdee Slarts, what can we do for you this time?"

 

"Do you have any drones with a chance of hitting Echuca, Wagga and Ye Olde BangeHolme?"

 

"Sorry Buddy, but based on I**'s previous request, we only have one based down south, ready to go with coordinates for both Qwerty and the TurboPlunger."

 

OK, give them both a ..........................

 

 

[turboplanner]

OK, give them both a ..........................

...pasting Chucky", said Slartfastfuscation

 

"What co-ordinates Sir?" asked Chucky, used to the deadly accurate instructions of the SAS

 

"35 09 .9 S. 146 28.0 E and 35 09 95 S 147 28 02 E" said the fuscator, who although critical of BigLes, had picked up some of his habits and thought the first sets of digits referred to Victoria and Tasmania.

 

There was a SSSSShhhhttttttt and the the cruise missiles were on their way, but not for Victoria and not for Tasmania.

 

It soon became clear they were heading for......WAGGA WAGGA

 

"Dam" said Slarti (and readers should remember that this is a hydrological expression) realising he had read the figures from a post it note the Rat had given him to punch into his GPS.

 

The cruise missiles drove like arrows towards Wagga Wagga, their cameras picking the landmarks as they went.

 

Then a strange thing happened, they started to wander all over the Riverina - there were no features to guide them..........

 

 

[hihosland]

'cause the Rivena lass had out her concave compact mirror and whilst admiring herself and preparing for a visit from the biggest pete was directing a concentrated beam directly into the most sensitive parts .........

 

 

[Captain]

'cause the Rivena lass had out her concave compact mirror and whilst admiring herself and preparing for a visit from the biggest pete was directing a concentrated beam directly into the most sensitive parts .........

 

 

.... of the Drone Driver's anatomy (his eyes), but it had the effect of a good kick between his toes, because the drone wandered and the driver asked in a typical Texas drawl "I am carnfused. Is that THE Rark or is that Ayres Rark, is that the Mooray Creek, the Misssissispppii or the Moorambbidgeee, was that Osama Bed-Linen that just went by or was that just the TerriblePlanner. Oh ..... stuff it .......... just send those drones to ................

 

 

[turboplanner]

Tangambalanga instead

 

 

[Captain]

Tangambalanga instead

..... but no, he thunked.

 

"If'n I send 'em both to Tooradin, with a bit of collateral damage down Yarram way, I have a good chance of taking out most of those who pick on the poor defenceless Rodent, and thereby end this gd-mf'n NES without ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

..... but no, he thunked.

"If'n I send 'em both to Tooradin, with a bit of collateral damage down Yarram way, I have a good chance of taking out most of those who pick on the poor defenceless Rodent, and thereby end this gd-mf'n NES without ...............

"...having to write the last chapter".

 

And so the cruise missiles cruised their way towards Tooradin at cruise speed, and after all this time it looked as if this was going to be the end of the story.

 

The cruise jockey pulled the cruise throttle and the missiles arced over in cruise descent, headed for Runway 22.

 

There would be no downwind inbound calls this time

 

Satisfied with his work, the cruise jockey reached round of a coffee just as the missiles reached what is locally known as Zone XWind, and with a lurching and spitting of gymals the missiles were hurled sideways into the Parachute Zone where they were beaten with baseball bats and redirected to Canberra.....

 

 

[hihosland]

where they arrived,

 

did their missle thing

 

and nobody noticed until ..........

 

 

[turboplanner]

18 years later

 

 

[hihosland]

when CASA attempted to table the 10 000 ft rule for RAA aircraft and discovered that ......

 

 

[Captain]

when CASA attempted to table the 10 000 ft rule for RAA aircraft and discovered that ......

 

..... CASA had been replaced by the FAA, Michelle Obama was the Prime Minister, SlartiHotPants was the Obama Aviation Szar, I*n was the Chairman of the RAA Board, El Ratto was Secretary of State, HiHo ran Victoria, Ahlow was the boss of Mergency Services (he never could spell), Decca chaired Qantas (with his feet up on the desk like all good Flight Engineers), while Tubb and BigPete were ............

 

 

[turboplanner]

...running the CIA, and so controlled the lot of them.

 

 

[Captain]

...running the CIA, and so controlled the lot of them.

.............. and all because of the simple mundane fact that 2 Cruise Missiles got lost in the featureless Riverina, where many years before a green Cheetah had become disoriented and vanished in the Jerilderie Triangle, and where 150 years before that (when Tubb was just a nipper) Ned Kelly also got lost and said ...........

 

 

[turboplanner]

.............. and all because of the simple mundane fact that 2 Cruise Missiles got lost in the featureless Riverina, where many years before a green Cheetah had become disoriented and vanished in the Jerilderie Triangle, and where 150 years before that (When Tubb was a lad) Ned Kelly also got lost and said ...........

 

"Strike me with a Spur!" is this really Jerilderie?"..

 

 

[Captain]

"Strike me with a Spur!" is this really Jerilderie?"..

 

..... then turned to the grubby children in the street and said "Come here, Tubb, lad, sit on Uncle Ned's lap and give me a couple of memorable quotes."

 

The street urchin turned to Ned and whispered "The only decent thing I can think of, Uncle Ned, is "Such is Life", so feel free to use that whenever it best suits ya."

 

"Thanks young Tubb" he responded with a kindly grin "And please also explain, what is a Cruise Missile and is it faster than a Cheetah?"

 

Young waif-Tubb smiled, stood up straight, puffed out his chest and said "................

 

 

[turboplanner]

..... then turned to the grubby children in the street and said "Come here, Tubb, lad, sit on Uncle Ned's lap and give me a couple of memorable quotes."

The street urchin turned to Ned and whispered "The only decent thing I can think of, Uncle Ned, is "Such is Life", so feel free to use that whenever it best suits ya."

 

"Thanks young Tubb" he responded with a kindly grin "And please also explain, what is a Cruise Missile and is it faster than a Cheetah?"

 

Young waif-Tubb smiled, stood up straight, puffed out his chest and said "................

"It's faster than a Cheetah, Mr Kelly" said Tubb scratching his ring. "But it's nowhere near as fast as a Jab with a set of pipes, valve overlap, and a coupla mil shaved off the head"

 

"Can I have yur autograph? Mr Kelly" asked Tubb, and Ned smiled at the young Tubb, reached into the camp fire, pulled out a charred stick, and began to write on Tubb's bare chest what later became known as the Jeriilderie Letter.

 

It hadn't been written on paper; the document now in the Victorian State Library was a fake copy written by a Journo from the Melbourne Argus who'd paid Tubb a XXXXhing after traveling up to Jerilderie in a sulky, rejecting the offer of a slower trip in a Gazelle

 

XXXX A sound which often comes from the foyer of Chez Rat