The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

...........disposition, and so Turbine Colonoscopies on the Go Inc was founded, putting some excitement into the normally boring and depressive operation.  Because they were done outdoors, patients were offered the choice of with or without the beverage the night before. Soon there was a shortage of elephants, and ...................

[onetrack]

.....an even larger shortage of Tigers, as most had got the message by this stage, and weren't hanging around (so to speak), off the sides of elephants, to acquire the "Turbo Treatment" process.

 

This made Turbo into a greatly celebrated hero amongst the Indians who were regularly being eaten by Tigers, so they held a festival in his honour, where Turbo was placed on a specially-built throne and carried around, and fed large amounts of the finest Indian curries, which then led to Turbo, the next morning, calling for............

[turboplanner]

.........assistance as he was bailed up by six tigers, all hostile, snarling leaving no doubt about his fate. Turbo wasn’t ready for this because his story was about people so no claws or 75 mm teeth. Making the best of a bad situation he had the elephant charge the local AllYouCanEat joint thus expanding the tigers’  potential meals, and.........

[Captain]

...... alerting Turbs to a new way of eating (for humans, not Tigers), that led to the formation of Turbine Smorgasbords & Bainmarees PLC, which ...... 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Captain

[planedriver]

But the tiger had a wry smile on his face as he launched his attack, as he knew there were another 1,420,893,746 to choose from if he missed his mark.😜

[planedriver]

The Menu-log Delivery Drivers Association of South East Asia were naturally up in arms, as their mopeds only had a top speed of about 50 kmp flat chat with a tailwind to escape these intrusions, and sought some of Turbo's go faster guidance to improve their chances of survivability.

[turboplanner]

.in a chase. And so the Company Encabulators on the Cheap (EC) was formed to give them a slight boots in speed beyond the known speed of a tiger's run. This had been calculated by the resident academic, and due to his love of the tiger habitat natives Turbo had discounted the price of the smaller unit to 45 cents. Of course there were millions of these bikes and Turbo made a cool 3.5 million in the first year.  Then there was an incident which shook the whole Mountain community. A tiger chasing an overweight Sahir on a moped saw there was a curve ahead and cut the corner. All that was left of the Sahir the next day was a pair of gold foil shoes. The academic had not had his paper peer reviewed, and hadn't allowed for the simple geometry of a curve. This would require a bigger encabulator, but ............................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

This would require a bigger encabulator, but ............................

..... also another pair of "boots", as that was not a spelling mistake in Turbo's post, rather, he had given away a major part of his encabulator secret,  so Turbo ever the entrepreneur, decided to do a Peter Brock and advertise the units personally but in Hindi, so he ......

[turboplanner]

....

इसलिए उन्होंने तहसीलदार को फोन कर मोपेड पर फतवा बनवाने के लिए कहा

isalie unhonne tahaseeladaar ko phon kar moped par phatava banavaane ke lie kaha........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

....

इसलिए उन्होंने तहसीलदार को फोन कर मोपेड पर फतवा बनवाने के लिए कहा

isalie unhonne tahaseeladaar ko phon kar moped par phatava banavaane ke lie kaha........

... and as has been the case so often whenever he goes, the TurgidPlonker's skills as an orator & languaphile saw him anointed as a God in a manner similar to the way he is regarded on this forum.

 

But, as usual, that wasn't enough for Tubb so he .......

Edited November 29, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........had to fly to the mountains of India himself. He wore a long with satin gown with pearl trimmings and walked into the first village carrying an Esky under his gown. He was wearing a wig and false beard. As we just read he'd galvaised the Tahsildar into action and made his pitch to quite a big crowd. Whe it was over he asked them to lunch and then pulled the Esky out from under the gown and flung its contents over the audience; gutted raw mullet chopped into little bits, and .......

[Captain]

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..... Turbine Colonoscopies on the Go Inc ......

All NESers, the public generally, and particularly student pilots are warned that Turbo is just an amateur Colonoscopist and his attempts to gain access to possible patients are not endorsed by the AMA.

 

He has only turned to Colonoscopisty after the ladies discovered that he was just an amateur Gynecologist too.

Edited November 30, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

When it was over he asked them to lunch and then pulled the Esky out from under the gown and flung its contents over the audience; gutted raw mullet chopped into little bits, and .......

...... 4 pieces of Naan bread.

 

"It might not exactly be equivalent to the loaves and the fishes as performed by that other bloke, but it is pretty close, and as long as there is no Indian equivalent of Pontius Pilot (avref) then everything is hunky dory (fishref) and I shall continue on with my ......

Edited November 30, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......moped production like my friend Elon.

"Goodness gracious me, you are making them electrtic" said a Sahir who sounded switched on.

"Do you have a reliable power supply to charge the batteries?" asked Turbo and they all fell asunder laughing and digging each other in the rubs.

"Oh my goodness" laughed one, "is the Pope a jolly Catholic" and they all fell about laughing even more.

Another said "Turbo Sahib" (he already had their respect) "Lay your hand on this cable (pointing to a wire running from a palm tree, through a front window and out the other side through the window of another house), and you will know the answer to that question. Turbo had lost enthusiasm for the laying of hands, but he knew it would be along time before his Vespa two strokes would be superseded here, and as for the Indian clone of the Drifter with the Mahindra two stroke................

 

[before some pedant picks on Cappy for using any of the 40,000 NES pages to start his stories, Turbo reassures them he is writing as he speaks, afflicted by regular uncontrollable coughing which makes conversations easier with a Kelpie dog]

 

Edited November 30, 2022 by turboplanner

[onetrack]

.....that was something he also needed to lay his hands on - simply for religious reasons, of course - as Turbo is the next best thing to a fanatic, when it comes to getting his hands on aircraft.

 

By this stage, the Indians had moved on to calling him "Bhagwan". And of course, thanks to the thick Indian accents, "Bhagwan" sounded like "Big One" to Turbo, so he was pretty impressed with this name change, which appeared to elevate his local standing, no end. 

 

But it was when the pretty girls started to throw themselves at his feet, that Turbo realised there was a lot more to this being a religious leader than just throwing around a few stale buns and the contents of a dozen cans of Tuna. There was now the ability being offered to him, to........

 

 

An early photo of Turbo, when he had longer hair ......

 

[turboplanner]

Turbo after 2 weeks, unable to write, need help ... --- .... .         .                   ..

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

"Apologies NESers, but I just have to break in here" said Mavis "As that is the TurgidPlonker that I knew & loved, and who I have seen pantless so many times, but from that photo he has lost weight and been working out too, as he is usually .....

[Captain]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

 

But it was when the pretty girls started to throw themselves at his feet, that Turbo realised there was a lot more to this being a religious leader than just throwing around a few stale buns and the contents of a dozen cans of Tuna. There was now the ability being offered to him, to........

..... be the spiritual leader of a billion people & surely there must be a quid or 2 in that, so he ......

[turboplanner]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

..... be the spiritual leader of a billion people & surely there must be a quid or 2 in that, so he ......

..............jumped in the electric Drifter, and pressed the GO button, but nothing happened. Where can you find an electrician at 8 am in Jodphur?

He waited..........and waited..........and..........

 

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..............jumped in the electric Drifter, and pressed the GO button, but nothing happened. Where can you find an electrician at 8 am in Jodphur?

He waited..........and waited..........and..........

 

..... eventually a sparky in jodphurs arrived on a white Charger (it was a 318 too) with a Dick Smith (avref) multimeter in his left hand and a .......

 

 

A PIC OF THE ACTUAL SPARKY IN FRONT OF HIS CHARGER

(NOTE THE F-ME BOOTS.(

 

 

TURBO AFTER A HARD CHUKKA IN THE PUNJAB

WITH MORE OF THOSE BOOTS 

Edited November 30, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

................pair of pliers in his right hand.

He rested every battery and by the time he was finished the bill was the price of a Mercury 250 hp boat motor.
“Well it’s not the batteries” he said with that smugness all tradies have. “Don’t worry about it“ said Turbo and set fire to the Drifter.

”THEY DON’T INSURE EDRIFTERS” yelled the Sparky. 
“Sh!t!!!!” Said Turbo bearing at the fire, but............

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

“S*$t” said Turbo bearing at the fire, but.........

(Note the appropriate edits to suit this delicate audience)

....... making bear noises at a fire has never worked well (just ask AhLox who bared his a*se at a fire when he was a young recruit, but later decided to use water and foam instead).

 

However Turdy was made of sterner stuff (back then anyway) and he decided to .......

Edited November 30, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.............move it to Cappy's place, and then report it stolen. Cappy was always getting himself out of trouble anyway. It all went well until..........................

[Captain]

51 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.............move it to Cappy's place, and then report it stolen. Cappy was always getting himself out of trouble anyway. It all went well until..........................

..... Mrs Cappy thought that he had bought another "f'ing aviation 'Project'". ..... (and a burnt out electric Drifter at that, so who can really blame her?).

 

Well, didn't that cause a stir which could be heard all the way from Kapooka to Moorabbin (even amongst the gang wars down there), but Turdy just sat back in his rocker with his snail-trail covered struggle-rug blanket over his knees, slurping his cheap bootleg scotch and sucking on out-of-date 2nd hand cigars, that .......

 

 

WHAT MRS CAPPY THOUGHT THE DRIFTER PROJECT LOOKED LIKE

 

 

WHAT IT REALLY LOOKED LIKE

Edited December 1, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....were the only thing that made Mrs Cappy keep her distance. We don't talk about her that much in case a stray Facebook link let's her see what Cppy has been posting.  The cigars didn't help much though, and Cappy and Turbo copped it for the next couple of hours. She cooked sausages for dinner and when she said "HERE!" to Cappy she flicked the plate and the sausages rolled onto the tablecloth. If Cappy had at any time let a morsel of food slip on to the cloth he was for the high jump, and Turbo made the fatal mistake of sniggering; he couldn't help it and copped a face full of sausages. Cappy's dog, a faithful Labrador got seven of the sausages and the cat got two before Cappy swiped it in an arc across the room. It wasn't...............