The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.........their product descriptions added a layer of confusion and packages often arrived .................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.........their product descriptions added a layer of confusion and packages often arrived .................

..... tied with vine & looking like they had been used as part of one of those tower diving, non-bungee cord, sessions.

 

This all added to the value of the .....

 

THE BOXES WERE ALL CHUCKED OFF HERE TO GIVE THEM ADDED AUTHENTICITY AND COLLECTABILITY ..... AND HENCE, MORE VALUE.

Photos courtesy of the Turbine Tower Diving Collective.

 

TURBS, THE GREAT MAN HIMSELF, ABOUT TO TEST THE TOWER. THIS PIC TAKEN EARLY IN THE PROCESS, AS IT IS NOT RUNNING DOWN HIS LEG YET.

Edited September 13, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....product, and the boring Amazon.com just couldn't compete, so ...................

[Captain]

..... Jeff Bayzos decided to cut his losses and Turbo picked up Amazon for a song.

 

Turdfeatrenamed it Nile and the sales were back up at an increase of 80% year on year, at least that ...

 

 

[onetrack]

.....first year, when every box they sold was marked "cargo" - but after the first year, and after 15 million boxes marked "cargo" were found to contain lots of empty space (like most Amazon boxes), the punters lost interest, and decided that aircraft and airports (long overdue avref) were the next area where it was more likely that..........

[Captain]

10 hours ago, onetrack said:

the punters lost interest, and decided that aircraft and airports (long overdue avref) were the next area where it was more likely that........

...... TI's Nile (which features a cheesy Turbo-like smile as their logo) would set up their package distribution networks.

 

Turdy appointed Joycey to run the show, based out of a bike shed at Barraba Regional Airport and CT submitted a tender to run the Mextorian operation, plus to also build a new Electric & Hydrogen Drifter production facility.

 

The CT fancies himself as the next Elon Musk and has also renamed the DG International Airport and Freight Hub (DGIA&FH) to add the words Space & Nile Port (which became popularly known by the catchy term CT'sDGIA&FH+S&NP).

 

As noted by OT, the AUF punters lost interest (which will never be the case with the NES where there are thousands of viewers), until they needed parts and embarrassing adult products delivered quick stix in brown papered boxes, so TI's Nile division took off and as a result, Turbo was invited to speak at the next WEF meeting ......................... except that he was regarded as soooo influential that the WEF dumped Davos and they all flew to Moorabbin, which grew to become the center of the ............

 

PS - At time of writing Turbo has been proposed to take over the WEF from Klaus Schwab, as Turbo has the perfect Dr Evil look (even better than Klaus's) and has undertaken to conscript a suitable cat from one of the farms.

 

 

TURBO SELECTED THIS SELF PORTRAIT-LIKE LOGO FOR HIS NILE PARCEL NETWORK

 

 

TURBO TRIED TO BUY THE RIGHTS TO USE THIS LOGO, BUT THE STONES TOLD HIM TO GET KNOTTED.

Edited September 14, 2023 by Captain

[Captain]

15 MINUTES IS NOT ENUFF TIME TO EDIT.

 

 

TURBO LOOKS LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN THESE 2, BUT WITH A CAT FARM PUSSY ON HIS LAP TO HIDE HIS EXCITEMENT.

 

 

[bull]

On 13/09/2023 at 10:29 AM, Captain said:

PS - Welcome back bull. Have you executed any lucrative contracts, or crims, lately?

No more then usual Ratty. But xmas looks busy,,,,,,,,,,,,,,lol      

Edited September 14, 2023 by bull

[bull]

9 hours ago, Captain said:

15 MINUTES IS NOT ENUFF TIME TO EDIT.

 

 

TURBO LOOKS LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN THESE 2, BUT WITH A CAT FARM PUSSY ON HIS LAP TO HIDE HIS EXCITEMENT.

 

 

.........and Turdo,s future was not looking to flash out on the cat farm ..[turdo contemplating his latest batch]

[turboplanner]

...............where he had been cornered by a particularly large Tom when he went in to feed the males.

Turbo had the pepper shaker with him and that was usually enough but this time the Tom took a bite out of his leg. He'd been watching snake catchers so he tried picking it up by the tail and holding its head down with a landscaping hoe, but it climbed itself and bit right through his ear. He booted it, hoping it would clear the top of the cage but it grabbed the top rail and used it as a swing to come down twice as fast and bite him on the other leg. He tried ...............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

He tried .....

.... the animal liberationist approach of reasoning with it, but that didn't work either.

 

But then Turbo thought back to his pubescent youth and realised why the cat's were so cranky ..... and why their numbers were so stable.

 

He had kept them sexually separated for the past 12 months.

 

So with a single deft move, Turbo opened the male & female cages and watched what happened. (It was like a B&S Ball on steroids).

 

In fact he watched for an unhealthy length of time, and that was when the term "petaphilia" entered the modern lexicon, which .....

Edited September 15, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....then led to the Red Rainbow Marches. In fact only yesterday Turbo had been interviewed by the daily press about pRR's ambitions. In the middle of the discussions the jouranlist had said the Editor wanted a photo in the story and one of the local Councillors had refused because she didn't want to be seen as a cat-watcher, the PRR flag bearer had refused because he was a member of the Federal Parliament and Chairman Dan had refused becuse "he didn't want to have to be here arguing about pets."

"Would you do it Turbo?" asked the journalist, and an hour later Turbo and a news photographer were scouring suburban streets looking for pussies. The journalist took over 200 photos and Turbo thought he must have been in the Narcissist Association od Australia (NAA), but eventually it was over and Turbo is nervouslt waiting to see what came off the presses, and whether it says ..................

[Captain]

..... anything about a Cessna being involved, or .....

[turboplanner]

.......has four other stories about pets being butched in Slovakia or a man being eaten by his dog in Texas, but Turbo was reasonably confident bcause he had his "I am not a Cessna" badge on, however ...........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......has four other stories about pets being butched in Slovakia or a man being eaten by his dog in Texas, but Turbo was reasonably confident bcause he had his "I am not a Cessna" badge on, however ...........

..... he had a number of scratch marks on him, some certainly from the pussies, but some were also on his back, and after considersble DNA testing, it was discovered that .....

Edited September 15, 2023 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........the ones on his back were from a Bengal Tiger.

Turbo couldn’t remember .........
 

[Captain]

42 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........the ones on his back were from a Bengal Tiger.

Turbo couldn’t remember .........
 

..... all of the circumstances until Cappy showed him some pencil drawings (this was before film) of how Cappy was unarmed, yet rescued Turbo by bravely sticking his finger into the tiger's ......

[onetrack]

.....mouth - and the taste of Cappy's manky finger so shocked and repelled the Tiger, he spat Turbo out, and ran away. Of course, Cappy took all the glory of saving Turbo from the Tiger, but under his breath, during the Press hubbub, Cappy was heard to mutter, "I'd like to know who that bastard was that shoved me towards the Tiger! - because when I put my hand out to save myself from sprawling on the ground, my hand accidentally went straight into that Tigers mouth!!"

 

However, no-one heard Cappy muttering amongst the Press noise, and the hundred rapid-fire TV journalist questions. "Sahib! Did you feel real fear, when you got so close to.........

[turboplanner]

.......the tiger?”  but Cappy just passed it off as something anyone anyone.....

[Captain]

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......the tiger?”  but Cappy just passed it off as something anyone anyone.....

..... would would do do in in Gumly Gumly,, because because ...... ......

[bull]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

..... would would do do in in Gumly Gumly,, because because ...... ......

..........Cappy cappy had started another 2 word cult now and this was this was causing an international farour because of what ............... 

Edited September 16, 2023 by bull

[turboplanner]

.......Cappy Cappy had started started.

Turbo's phone rang and a voice announced he was Basher Alot, and he was Cappy's old school teacher.

"I fly a Gemstar these days" he said "and I love reading NES, but can you tell that little XXXX Cook that if he keeps up that double word nonsense, I'll tan his hide like I did last time", and he went on to say that Cappy did this in his compositions to meet the minimum word requirement. He also daid that Cappy was ....................

[onetrack]

.....such an embellisher of the truth, it was impossible to take anything he said - or wrote - with any type of reliability. "He was that bad in school", said Alot, "that we had a Monday morning story-telling ritual, which was formerly called the "Morning News", and we had to rename it, "Tall Stories" - because Cappy never ceased to produce Monday morning tales that would make Bill Wannan look like Amateur Hour!"

"In fact, he turned up one Monday morning and told us this outright fantasy tale, how he'd taken on.........

[turboplanner]

.....learning to be a writer for his future career and backed it up with:

 

A little boy living on a farm woke up one morning in a bad mood.

He sat down at the breakfast table and his mother asked him, " Did you

do your chores yet this morning? "   " No..." he replied in a cocky attitude.

" You know the rules: You don't get breakfast until you do your chores." his mother told him.

So the little boy says "FINE!", mumbles a bit and goes outside to do his chores.

As he is feeding the chickens, he kicks one.

As he is feeding the pig, he kicks the pig.

And as he's passing the cow, he kicks the cow.

He goes back inside and sits down just as his mother is putting a bowl of dry cereal in front of his chair. " What's this!?" he asks, "Where's my eggs and bacon and milk!!!??? " he screams.

Calmly his mother tells him she watched him do his chores.

" I saw you kick the chicken, so for a week, no eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so for a week, no bacon. And I just KNOW you kicked the poor cow, so for a week, no milk. "

Her son grumbles and starts eating his cereal.

His father comes down stairs and kicks the cat out of his way.

The little boy looks at his mom and says " Hey! Do you want to tell him or should I?"

 

Cappy's old teacher went on to say........................

[onetrack]

......he thought he was going to be a famous writer, but he failed dismally at that, and now he's been relegated to a fantasy story teller on the NES, and I can assure you his fantasies have only got bigger and better since he left school!

Those fantasies, according to what he's written previously on the NES, centre around his imaginary ability to charm ladies into swooning over him, after he's only spoken a couple of sentences - but the reality is, he's still a fantasiser, still living in the world of the imaginary hero he thinks he is, and what's worse, he.........