The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......covered in sand and camel dung.

OT chewed on a date. Cappy had seen him go down so reached down, picked one up and bit hard but it was camel dung.......

..... which is much underappreciated in non bomb-chucker countries for its nutritional value and the delicate taste of ....

[turboplanner]

.........tobacco and mint with an aftertaste of ......

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........tobacco and mint with an aftertaste of ......

..... bush tucka, particularly quandong (Aceratium concinnumref & camelsinOZref) tarts, where bull had formed a JV with Turbine Pastry Inc and the Central Australian Quandong Conglomerate Inc (the CAQCI) where he was appointed as a ...........

Edited December 25, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........CRM managed where his priority job was to appease upset customers with the runs, and that's not easy because .........

[Captain]

17 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........CRM managed where his priority job was to appease upset customers with the runs, and that's not easy because .........

...... when customers have the runs due to crook quandongs, it's a slippery ......

[onetrack]

.....road to gut ruin. "But, not to worry, I've realised where the problem lies!", said Cappy. "It's a rather unfortunate naming, but the generic name for Aceratium concinnum is "Hard Root Quandong".

 

"Of course, there are many connotations to the "Hard Root" style of naming, and not the least, is the connotation that the product is Hard", he went on.

 

"For the benefit of our highly valued customers, I've decided to swap over to Santulum acuminatum, the Desert Quandong, which has a far better name, and no aftertaste."

 

"It's not the aftertaste I'm complaining about", said Matron Dobbs of the Gumly CWA. "It was only after we used the Hard Root Quandong in some of our fancy scones at the Gumly CWA Fair, that we discovered....

Edited December 25, 2020 by onetrack

[Captain]

...... that Onesie had registered the name through his "OneRoot's Business Rego Joint" which dominates the market in WA (and therefore has nothing to do with the rest of the country, but a very efficient kickback system to the WA Labor Party).

 

"It's nothing sinister" said Onesie in a prepared statement to the Fin Review. "I just thought it was worthwhile, and rather poignant, to have the "Hard Root" moniker owned by the OneRoot BRJ, with connotations that .......

Edited December 26, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......WA, the Lone Star State would influence the whole of Australia.

And so began the empire of the HardRoot Company which in time was to make everything from surf boards, to medicinal products to trining programs, and it was even being discussed that they might be starting an airline with the slogan "Get .................

[onetrack]

.....Your Best Ride Ever with HardRoot Airlines! "I think we're definitely onto a winner here", said Onetrack. "Of course, we'll be serving Quandong-flavoured desserts and snacks to the pax, without the bitter aftertaste or short-term side effects, that are part and parcel of The Turbine Pastry and CAQCI products".

 

"This is simply because we'll be using the West Australian Desert Quandong, which is noted for its full flavour, lack of aftertaste, and no deleterious gut effects".

 

"To top off the companys desire to be as green and Australian as possible, we're also investigating running the engines on Quandong nut shell waste. The shells have been found to be very high in energy content, and it will only take a little fiddling with the treatment process of the shells, to produce a high-grade aircraft fuel, capable of providing......

[Captain]

...... thrust (avref & doubleentendreref).

 

Turbo called the Captain, as he does a few times each week. "Did you see Onesie's reference to "green"?" he asked with a giggle "The last time I visited WA everything was that crappy ochre colour and there was nothing but sand. OMG the sand got everywhere" he added with his usual overstatement "WA natives like Onesie (The NES pays its respects to elders past & present) have never seen green, unless it relates to their envy for 1st world cities like Melbournistan".

 

Onesie's response was savage when he heard what TinkyWank had said and he ......

Edited December 26, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........rushed the nut shell waste distillery into full production, even though the fuel was not quite right for turbines.

Inevitably there were engine failures [avref] and headlines screaming "Another Hard Root goes down."

Onetrack had to decide what...........

[onetrack]

....was required next. It was obvious a decision had to be taken to quietly remove the nut-shell waste as a fuel source, until the problems were rectified, or else CASA would become involved.

 

It was obviously also time to re-work the marketing arrangements for HardRoot Airlines. "Going Down" were the key words to be included in the new marketing advertising. It was easy enough to get away from the aircraft description "going down", and turn the wording into a sexy, appealing, marketing approach to every hot-blooded young man (or pilot), who ever lusted after a hostess.

 

"Going Down with HardRoot Airlines Means the Ultimate in Pleasurable Rides!", screamed the advertising posters. Seat bookings soared, and the money rolled in faster than takings from airport carpark machines. Onetrack was grinning with delight, until there was a knock on his door, and there was........

[turboplanner]

.....an unhappy customer, Cappy.

"I watched the TV ads, and I didn't get what I wanted; all they did was call me on board, and show me the way out at the destination"

Onetrack ....

[Captain]

43 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....an unhappy customer, Cappy.

"I watched the TV ads, and I didn't get what I wanted; all they did was call me on board, and show me the way out at the destination"

Onetrack ....

...... , ever the professional, offered to provide the unprovided service on the spot.

 

"Customer satisfaction is our imperative" he said.

 

"Erky perky" replied the Skipper as he looked at Onesie's sand blasted face, beetlenut stained teeth, pierced tongue and his hideous .......

Edited December 26, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

....grin. "It's O.K.", said Onetrack, "No need to worry, I don't provide the missing service, personally - I have an airline workforce member here, who you can call Jerome - a part-time local drag queen, and also known locally as the "vacuum cleaner" - such are his skills - and he'll provide, what you claim you missed out on".

 

"Ahhhh, I think I'll give it a miss", said Cappy hastily, as he sighted the makeup on the grinning face of Jerome. "I don't feel the need to claim the missing service any more" - as he hastily grabbed his briefcase, and backed out the door.

 

"Haaahaaaahaaaaa!", chortled Onetrack. "Good one, Jerome! Bit of a shame it wasn't dark, and I could've introduced you as Sandra - and Cappy wouldn't have known a thing, until the lights went back on, and he saw....

Edited December 27, 2020 by onetrack

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

 

"Haaahaaaahaaaaa!", chortled Onetrack. "Good one, Jerome! Bit of a shame it wasn't dark, and I could've introduced you as Sandra - and Cappy wouldn't have known a thing, until the lights went back on, and he saw....

....... , NTTIAWWT (NESequalopportunityref), that Jerome was actually a pretty good sort and a previous consort of ........

[turboplanner]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

....... , NTTIAWWT (NESequalopportunityref), that Jerome was actually a pretty good sort and a previous consort of ........

......Salty, who usually avoided the Renmark gossip circles but .....

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......Salty, who usually avoided the Renmark gossip circles but .....

...... had a fearsome, yet loathsome reputation down along the Remnark waterfront where men are .......

[onetrack]

......animals, and the animals are afraid. But the Remnark waterfront is so named, because of the amount of Narks that are in residence there. The Narks are a most fearsome gang that run the Remnark waterfront, like it's their own little Kingdom - which it is.

Mere mention of the Little Kingdom of the Narks, will cause anyone from Renmark to quiver and quail, because no-one from Renmark would ever set foot in Remnark, it would be a life-threatening move to do so.

Accordingly, Salty was well-known as one of the Narks leaders - a Narkissist, as they were commonly known. You crossed paths with Salty at your own risk, and numerous were the brave who did, and who never....

Edited December 27, 2020 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

....returned from the helpful launch into the Murray River.

 

Salty, from his days of deadsticking from 4000 feet onto the only airstrip within 500 Nm in Mallee Country (and we all know what aq Mallee Root can do to the next day's flying), decided to re-invigorate RAA by building a recreational aircraft; a proper one, and five of the Narks were motivated to do the same, because.............

Edited December 27, 2020 by turboplanner

[Captain]

...... they needed to stick by their leader (Brine) so that they would qualify for the royalties from the musical that Brine has written.

 

It is the very raunchy story of the gangs of Remnark and they great dispute about who sits in what booths at the Parthenon Milk Bar (the PMB) & their illicit activities on the Murray.

 

Brine has cleverly titled it "Northeast Side Story" (C) with an alternative title of "Mallee Meanderings with Mavis" & the latter is suitable for performing in Nursing Homes (with appropriate social dstancing so that the old codgers dont get the deaded C).

 

The casting of NESS was interesting, particularly after ......

 

SALTY AND MAVIS GOING FOR AND GETTING TONGUE TIED.

THEY EVENTUALLY WENT ALL THE WAY ... A REMNARK SCANDAL.

 

SALTY PINCHED THE IDEA FROM WEST SIDE STORY.

HERE, FROM THE ORIGINAL PRODUCTION IN 1955, ARE TURBS

AT LEFT, THE SHIPPER AT CENTRE AND A RARE PIC OF ONESIE

AT RIGHT (bull HAD BEEN KILLED OF IN SCENE 2)

Edited December 27, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

On 28/12/2020 at 8:59 AM, Captain said:

The casting of NESS was interesting, particularly after ......

........ Planey & Eeeeeen competed at the audition for the part of Maria NTTIAWWT, which made Turbo ......

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, Captain said:

........ Planey & Eeeeeen competed at the audition for the part of Maria NTTIAWWT, which made Turbo ......

...... uncomfortable (NTTIAWWTE) because he liked Eeeeeeean a lot, even though a previous ban or 2 had clipped Tubb's wings (avref) & eroded his normally cocky & obnoxious (Turboref) self-confidence for a while, however to have to ........

 

NOTE - The Skipper (not Shipper as the bloody edit time limit failed to allow The Shipper to correct in an above post), has had to post to himself after all of the other NESers had buggered off for Xmas/New Year or were hiding from the new strains of WA strain of Covid which can be transmitted through close forum contact & exposure to 5G (avref).

 

And where the F is bull?

 

THINK FORUM SAFETY. WEAR A MASK WHEN YOU TYPE.

 

 

Edited December 29, 2020 by Captain

[Captain]

A well known forum member about to type his response.

 

[turboplanner]

........pick pick Eeen, who looks something like Maria over Planey, with that high voice, and the hips and affected talk, and that pout you just couldn't go past casting him. He had entered a beauty contest on Diversity grounds a few years previously, and was only beaten by the girl who became Miss Australia that year.

 

Planey was picked and immediately....................

 

[Note to readers: We don't know who was in that mask, but the clothes are identical to those worn by Cappy in an earlier zoom meeting]

 

[We don't normally put personal posts in the NES, but a beauty competition reminded Turbo of the first race he won, which was at Swan Hill.

He was very excited and told everone at the Barbecue after the races. The President came up and congratulated him, and Turbo thanked him for the prize money, but said it was a pity there wasn't a trophy to remember the race by. The President moved on and a few minutes excused himself. Twenty minutes later he was back, called for everyone's attention and ceremoniusly placed the beautiful white sash, with gold tassles and gold lettering around Turbo's neck.

The next morning whe ge got up at the Motel he laid the sash out to admire it: The Sash read: "Miss Swan Hill"]