bull

3 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... conclude that the bloke who wrote the sign couldn't spell.

 

It should end in "IAR" you clot, not "ON".

 

This caused all sorts of issues in the Sign Printing Industry, the largest and most prestigious player in which is Turbine Corflute and Spell Checking P/L, whose spokesperson was cautious but volunteered that .....

.well it depends on the interpretation ,,you could be causing pain and distress by your actions of incorrect spelling and the taunting of the dyslexic is  frowned upon by the masters that be and.......... 

3 hours ago, Captain said:

..... convince him not to join Apex, or the Masons, and to reintroduce .......

.the mandatory weekly feeding recommence as the animals where scheduled for inspection and this terrified OT [and the circus owners as they would not pay for the meat!].......and the thought came to OT ,,,,he would ...................

On 14/12/2023 at 6:08 AM, turboplanner said:

Minus a lump out of his rump, OT had been a fast learner himself, and zipped down to Bunnings, bought a rake and was quickly becoming Cecil's best friend.

 

Sorry all NES readers but the vision of CT dressed in punk as he cruised the aisles,s of Bunnings..................The traumer that this must have caused amongst the elderly and young children,,,,,🤣🤣🤣🤣

46 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........double-spit on the good burghers of Melbourne.  Their early support encouraged them to keep marching and climbing until they reached Lygon St and climbed on the Statue of Franco Cozzo who is famous for advertising his hideous furniture in what he called Foot-escray. At the first spit 50 Italian Latte Joint bodyguards, whose job was normally to throw you out if you used a knife on spaghetti, descended on the Tasmanian Devils who started to run, but were easily identified by their pale skin. Unforunately those who hadn't already been beaten up or shot or knifed strayed into the Lebanese section where they were ..........................

found to be great kabab materiel and the.....................

23 hours ago, turboplanner said:

he knew there was a problem. It was when Turbo probed “One of them’s having a birthday” and a cake came back with candles on it.

 Suddenly the folly he had embarked upon was.......................................

11 hours ago, Captain said:

Turbo's above post was obviously extremely prescient and had been noted by Albo's idea spotters.

 

"What if we look at giving them $600 million" said Chris Bowen "As long as they sign up for Net Zero and I get container full of Bird-of-Paradise feathers to sell."

 

"Gweat idea Chwis" wepweid Albo, and the west is histowy.

 

Now back to the NES.

...............Turdo  and the Captain where both in a bit of bother over some cats escaping and going feral in Tasmania Australia....The local authorities had issued arrest warrants for them both and had informed interpol to scan international travellers to.......................

3 hours ago, red750 said:

A homebuilt light aircraft, designed to fly at "2 metres above the water at 120 kph" has crashed in Lancelin Bay, WA.

 

Two people on the plane – the pilot and a passenger. Both sustained minor injuries and were assessed by paramedics at the scene.

 

2 hours ago, Marty_d said:

The voiceover said "Scrap aircraft engine" so it may well have been cheap.  Looking at what it's made of, there wouldn't be a massive material cost.  "Wings" being "bouncy castle material" over 2 lengths of ally tube.  Nice looking design, not sure how stable it'd be.

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....were using AI until Turbo had "the experience" with Microsoft yesterday, and banned MS from all platforms. He'd found out Microsoft had been double charging for the same service; after the first hour "Susan" dropped into the discussion, MS honestly admitting she was AI. They could have paid a PNG girl $1 to say "Him fella stuff,boss", but when Turbo started to use similar language "Bryan" came on and smoothly said "Sorry about that, I was tied up with another issue", proceeded to ask Turbo a lot of questions including eveything but the weather, and Turbo realised that "he" was another AO programme, admittedly taken from the real - life responses of some of the coporate dills we've all met. Then a message came on that Jack was here and a line of stars came up asking Turbo to rate Jack from 1 to 5, so Turbo rated him 1 and told him not to woryy, he'd talk to Google; they only charged you once. Amazingly within 6 minutes all the complex issues were solved and Turbo was offered a trip to Hawaii, but he just said "Google me".

But we digress; Cappy mentioned his friend George. Not many people know that Cappy was a good friend of George, and in fact when George wrote his book back in 1984, many of Cappy's anecdotes were embedded in the book. Some people even say the book was more about Captain Cook IX than George.

The TFTPDIC were in fact AI on-line Susans. When any of TFTPIDCs cameras detected an offence, it triggered an AI call to the pilot, after the AI "Susan" or "Mark" had messaged the aircraft owner or CFI,  These didn't hesitate like the phone marketers, but started a patter about how CASA was here to help; they were video calls and all the "Susans" were 40D equipped to keep people like Cappy on the line until, they got into the details of the offence. Once, Cappy exploded "I wasn't even there" in a gentle way to his new sweetheart (who had wires for a head) and "Samantha" said, like a KC, "but you could have, so we're suspending your Certificate for six months" The AI programme allowed for a one second delay for an answer failing which a six month suspension and $10,000.00 fin was processed by CASA.

 

But they hadn't counted on Cappy who ............................

..started to put the fire out that had started in Turdo,s head after his continuous ramble had overheated his brain.  Now the smell from this was...........................

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....one of the cooks (Not THAT Cook).

He was also involved in the Great Gold Heist from Lae, where he flew a ......................

......... ...and was also involved in the great mystery of the missing bullion from the federal ministries account and was....................

2 minutes ago, bull said:

................NON mesor It was THee French who was first !!! [Stated Turdo in his french quise]as he posted this picture,,,,,,,AAnd they also designed the.................

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

Isn't that one of those extremely rare Cessna Tri-Motors? They got the idea from Junkers.

................NON mesor It was THee French who was first !!! [Stated Turdo in his french quise]as he posted this picture,,,,,,,AAnd they also designed the.................

6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......the time PNG was a German colony?

The answer of course was a definite for the first action which also served to load up Albo with cash for some other wacky folly, perhaps a Referendum for Sufferagetts to have a Voice2 in Parliament. After spending $450 million on Voice1 for 32 Agitators, 8 of which simply Identified as Aborigines, Albo was wiser, and ............

 

[ Not many people know that the Albo copied The Voice from the Papua New Guinea claim "Him Speaka U" It evolved from a wild night out by 18 Rascals out to make a buck.

The CIA latest overnight briefing shows the Population of PNG at 10,379,895 as of 8/10/23 at 6 pm (This just shows you the accuracy of the CIA satellite cameras, but that's another story) These consist of 312 Tribes speaking 39 languages, compared to Australia's Aborigines with 550 Tribes, 250 languages abd 800 dialects.

Despite this fractured Tribal structure the Rascals formed the Papuan Rascals Corporation, described in their literature passed down from the Elders as having come from the sky in the Dreamtine.

 

They demanded an apology for the los of six years of their lives during WWII and upkeep for all the Syds, Jacks, Sparkys, Joes, Wallys, Haras, Akios, Hanas and Harukis clogging up the parks of Port Moresby, 68% of the PNG land Mass, and a commission of 87% of the gold.

 

There were three intruders at the first meeting, three people who could smell a dollar from 50 km,

 

Cappy, who had assumed the name of Youwii, Ahlocks/Gonnes and Motz/Samson

Cappy identified as a member of the Walak tribe (known as Wakkas locally), Ahlocks as Mekwei (a tribe that was forever p!ssing on trails, gardens etc and Motz as a POM, which explains a lot of things.

 

PNG had copied Australian legislation where identifying carries the same legal weight as 9 generations of the real thing, so they expected to make hundreds of millions of dollars, and set up huge coffee plantations to meet the demands of the Latte set of Melbourne.

 

Their only mistake was that the first legal Coloniser of Papua New Guinea was Germany, so they had to send their letter of demand there.

 

Instead of spending $450 million on a Referendum as Albo did, the German Government sent back an email saying "You haf to be Joken, Har Har har har, Ve know nuthink"

 

..........said Sgt Shultz, [recently retired ] and now joined the identifying list as he used to play jiggy jiggy at the expats club with............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....pig fat is the greatest "greaser of palms" that one can wear in PNG. As a result of all the greased palms that Turbo engaged with, doors opened for him everywhere in Port Moresby - and before long he had the PM's private jet made available to him, for his own personal use (and at call), the PNG Governors Rolls Royce was his for the taking whenever he felt like it, and even better, the Parliamentary..........

.jet had more range, and subsequently a few days later was surrounded by f18,s as he crossed the coast of Nth Qld at 500 ft with 4 tonne of new Guinea gold onboard and and was running out of fuel. The Australian coastwatch now had.............

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......cautious. He'd dealt with Europeans before and knew they were like moths; enthusiastically going off in the right direction, then instantly reversing while pointing the blame at the benefactors. A good smack in the teeth usually settled them down again, but you couldn't trust them. 

 

So he .........

....took out an insurance policy and contacted.......................

5 hours ago, Captain said:

..... having heard the blue-head coming, CT did a spoonful and .....

 

 

it s little known that it was CT that taught Dick how to fly (avref) and turned him into the brave swashbuckling non-nerdy flyboy that he is. 

..and bolted for the...........                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                [As an aside to a few posts ago about Saibai island and the bull flag,,well that relates to the time Bull was skippering a 55 ft trawler with a trusty old gardner main engine and was trawling for prawns between Saibai Island and Daru Island in PNG.  Now one night he  caught 600kg,s of painted crayfish in 2 hours and the locals where not happy... !

! but that's another story for another time...lol]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

...,....he was devil devil worshipping which was banned in the highlands so they........

.gathered up some firewood and announced that the village in the highlands would have a community feast, with Turdo as the main course! Quick said OT hide in here as he pushed..................

8 hours ago, Captain said:

...... rrested if they found any evidence of your arms dealing.

 

Turbo, however, in his usual slick way, had established a good relationship with the police and he .....

.even managed to get some lengths of pipe from the old police headquarters just up from the yacht club on the hill to the expats club in Port Moresby..the reason being for the local rascals to make home made shotguns with,, now this made him a bit of a hero in the eyes of the Daru and Moresby rascals and he was................

20 minutes ago, Captain said:

...... looked at Bruho's withered bone and said " You are not supposed to use THAT bone, and get your hand off it".

 

Bruho apologized, looked embarrassed and it became clear that his hand was needed to ......

..........relocate this intruder. So he rose to his massive height of 6,6ft and ............

1 hour ago, Captain said:

..... she was finally able to get through to OT on how to perform sideslipping without looking like a one-winged seagull, and she finally showed him how to stay on the centerline (or anywhere near the runway in OT's case) with crossed controls.

 

"F&$# crossed controls" OT said "I used to just get cross ...... and then do multiple missed approaches until the wind eventually lined up with the runway" OT confided. 

 

"She's fantastic, so I took her downtown for a coffee and croissant at the Bell Tower, before she addressed my other big coordination issue, which was that I ......

............was.............gay   , now this caused............

4 hours ago, Captain said:

..... dacks and he wasn't wearing a gourd.

 

But then a nubile tribeslady stepped out, looked OT over and said "Gawd ..............you have a .....

.........weird coloured.......

16 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.......get your own tobacco from your native trees, and roll your own! These coffin sticks cost a fortune today, this isn't WW2 where a packet of fags was included in every ration pack!"

 

At that, there was a hubbub amongst the tribesmen as they debated whether to go and try and find some local tobacco leaf, kill OT right there, and take his smokes, or just pretend to be friends again so they could pinch his smokes out of his backpack when he was distracted

 

Meantimes, OT was searching for something to get one over them. A cunning plan formed in his mind. He cried out and pointed to the distant sky, "HIMFELLA BALUS BRINGIM POLIS!" (pidgin avref)

 

The natives spun around as one, gazing at the sky, most dropping their weapons in alarm. OT took the opportunity to make his escape, so he ran and zig-zagged and dropped and rolled, just like he used to do in 'Nam when the VC got a sighting on him. He stopped after about 2 kms to draw breath. There was only jungle silence, and this was.........

 

..when he realised that he had dropped his..................

27 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... blew .....

.a fit,,, and one grabbed OT and tackled him to the ground at the same time screaming ,,,,,got a smoke mate???? Now as OT stood up again and rubbed the dust off, he said: Bugger me stupid ,,this galah thinks smokes are free!!!     [Tie me Kangaroo down mate said Cappy in the background] Mate you can go and ...........

6 hours ago, Captain said:

..... just a little stirred up, but as Turbo was aware from other campaigns, that is when Crappy is at his most dangerous, as was found in his successful campaigns against the Zulus, the Boars, the Indians (dot not feather), those pesky Americans, and those ......

...rather queer northern Highlands Tribe in PNG he once crossed paths with who had................

4 hours ago, Captain said:

.... have the same constant affliction of sand chafing their crack ...... and ......

..making them wave their arms around ,causing the westernised people to call them itchy bums ,you would see them riding the horses waving their arms around because of the itch.  Now Turdo had.................