turboplanner

....a pattern that had won the Launceston Show's Sponge Cake Championship year after year. This amazing invention was also partly responsible for Turbine Beef's string of 17 Champions of Show and the annual Longreach Royal Show, Rodeo and Rooster Chase. Turbo's bulls would be trimmed then groomed by the Longreach Hair Salon, and if they dropped a load, Patty, as he was called would move in before the last drip and fashion a beautiful pattern, whereas the other entrants just left the copats as they were. Over the years Turbo often noticed the longing look of the Judge, thinking of his grandma's sponge all covered in patterned cream. That was until the 2023 show when............

.......decided to set EP up one day. EP could be unpredictable when you flew......just like the Jab, so you had to be ready for anything, but EP always did the same sequence when testing students. Well not always; every tenth student go it reversed, but 9 out of 10 you knew when you were for the cow pat test. The females were tested just the same as the males; EP was a stickler for Diversity. It was time for Pip's test (we can't give you her real name because she went on to a senior position in CASA.) Student Paul secreted himself behind an agreed Gorse bush with a bucket of blood from the local knackery. Sure enoughh EP pulled the cow pat trick. Pip set a trajectory to take here near the gorse bush, and suddenly exclaimed "WHAT WAS THAT BANG!" "What bang?" asked EP who had been reading a newspaper. They circled and there spreadeagled was a person covered in so much blood he was almost certainly dead. They flew back to the strip, jumped in the ute and drove back over the paddock. When they got there the body was gone but in its place were police numbered markers denoting the body and a trail of squashed cow pats. Pip squeezed back a laugh at EP's face ............................

.......at this, Epaulette snarled and squinted, they way he did if you stuffed up a ground guide where he expected you to use the wet cow pats to glide at 20 mm above the ground for as long as the Jab was prepared to stretch it; the fear of what EP would do to you if you actually touched dirt was ..................

.....the first person came out of the booth area. "HECKLE! FRECKLE! why so speckle!!!!!!?" asked a shocked Pae Mee Nao. "It's alright for you Spick and Span; where were YOU when the sh!t hit the Fan!!" replied ........

.....knocking on the door so to speak. Then someone did a search and found a Public Comfort Station up the street and the crew of desperates ran for their life. A couple made the Great Deposit, but the rest, male and female poured recklessly down the stairs where they were greeted by a Chinese Host Pae Mee Nao. It was only a dollar but three of them threw their wallets at him and one male stopped to loan a female a dollar and accidentally dropped his load .............

....$1 slot toilets where some wag had superglued the slots.......

If relatives have been traumatised they should contact one of the Public Liability Lawyers before the time runs out.

.......something different to what we know was on his mind and would soon.......

.....and the moustache trimmed to a surgeon's accuracy. That piercing look.........

........those "AviatorSupreme" sunnys ...............

.....the Delegate from the Upper and Lower Murray Scout Flyers Association walked into the room, straight from the Dairy with his hob nail gum boots gouging the new planed and polished floor. He froze, his mouth open in a rictus of fear. On the screen was a powerpoint slide; on the slide was the back end of a Mutton Bird and on the Mutton Bird was the tattoo of the dreaded Moderati. The Moderati were believed to have died out in the Medieval period when warriors from the Turbine clan put them to the axe, but every now and again one shows up. Loxie was one and Cappy had seen his tattoo but never told anyone. After Loxie was caught with his hand in the biscuit jar at AUF he was never heard from again. Nobody noticed the three small scars under the Dele.gate's left ear, but they noticed he was starting to transform...........

........the Dress Code Department of AUF to swing into action. There was a strange silence in the AUF office. there were usually long periods of silence; after all how long do you need to spend on the minimum standard of a wheel spat. This however was a STRANGE silence and no one was prepared to go first.................

......excelled himself in his aviation skills, persuasive teaching methods in Jabirus, and immaculate flying uniform which would make Biggles look like a slob. Only..........

.......Farmers Association (Aviation Division) Inc in ACT, and someone we all know well by his ..........

......... make it mandatory to fit Bull Bars to all recreational aircraft and Cessnas (since more Cessnas crash than any other make). A CASA team will be flying around the Country shortly to explain the rationale behind this new CASA initiative, and who should be leading the Education Team but ......................

....the aileron hinges, or a door latch, or the lower half of the ASI.These things don't get much traction in the NES, but, like the Bus Spotters Association photos of the No 2455 leaving Bondi Station, these things trigger raging arguments within the broader rec flying groups around the country, where it's not the ..........

Serious damage to the aircraft and the pilot's face, particularly the mutton birds with Horns, and not just that. On rainy days in Tasmanian Flying Clubs there are some amazing stories about what happened when a pilot was hit in the face by mutton bird balls. You never see video of this of course because one minute they're holding their phone filming the approaching mb and the next minute ........

........run down another Mutton Brid or continue to cross Bass Strait. The rough seas have washed up many recreationat aircraft and the carcases of their pilots onto the beaches of those lonely islands that once were filled with wrecked sailing ships. Many of the aircraft showed traces of feathers on broken screens. The debate raged on for months, some blaming the crashes on not using ESB engine mounts; others adamant that if you used the same windscreen glass as their Cessna 310 there should be no further problems and yet others saying it was all in the allocation of tasks to the Co Pilot at the right time - very excitig posts, but the mutton birds were still circling when the next .....

........in that millisecond he got anothert one, this time up ..........

Did all Members here get the memo? Was it sent to the owner of this site for Publication? Was this major change sent to the media, so they could publicise it?

......quickly snapped back to attention, pushed the screen washer button and cleared the blood and feathers and resolved to pay a lot more The blood is gon in seconds attention. For those NES readers who misunderstood Cappy's term "got one" it refers to Tasmanian Mutton Birds; small birds which fly very fast and nest in burrows like penguins and their density in Tasmania is pretty much the same as mosquitoes on the Murray. The fly into your car, bomb you when you have your best clothes on and out in the bush you're tripping over their burrows every time you go out. Up on the north coast so many shops sell cooked mutton birds that Kentucky Fried Chicken nver managed to get a foothold. Tasmanians talk about them so much that when they say they "got one" everyone knows they either ran over a mutton bird, poured diesel down a mutton bird burrow, shot one, or just caught one and wrung its neck. AUF members, particularly the ones wh love talking about any aspect of an aircraft will be interested to know that everyone flying has installed a screen washer consisting of 6 plastic milk bottles, a 12v hugh speed pump earthed back to the battery, and a screen wiper motor from a 1949 Ford Prefect (there are still plenty on Tasmanian roads) with a Mazda 626 blade. The blood is gone in seconds and ......

...see chastity just once more became too much fo our swashbuckling hero. bull realised that lately on that trawlers with it's smelly prawn guts, life had become more buckling than swash, so he selected the jacka, cleaned the rats nests out of the electrics, and set out across Bass Strait bound for bone and that stunning blonde chasitity. As he ran abeam of Flinders Island his thoughts went back to the bible and God's advice to stay way from sin with hope, faith and chastity, and he was moved that someone so long ago knew what a little number they had in Bone. As the old bluehead churned along; it was 65 years old this coming Sunday, bull ................

It was nothing to do with nutters; it was about the possibility of leaked information. There would be a serious issue when a people's organisation released unapproved plans or made a practice of ignoring industry publication outlets.

.......have one of the rare "CASA Keys". Not many people know about these keys (numbers actually); there are less than 100.Turbo has one, Cappy had one but forgot the number, and bull has been borrowing Turbo's but after this news that will have to stop. The CASA key lets you access the locked area of the CASA website, where they discuss people like......well you know, the habitual complainers and haters trying to get approval for illegal designs or home made crap you wouldn't even start the engine for in case is shook itself onto the ground or the people who'd had seven heart attacks but still wanted a Medical. OT didn't have one because they only issued them for Australia, not the dependencies and this was where bull's adopted home would cause a problem which...............

......."Maaaate!" and even before the Pope could answer, a thin leather cord shot out from behind a curtain and bull was being choked (rather like the AUF office procedures); the Pope gave him a longf look and said "Son, I'm from Chicago; I used to be Benny Domasi's accountant, so beforetyou go on with that "Maaaaae" crap that your leader Elboneesy tried, you need to think about the consequences. Do you speak Latin?" "It just happens that I do" in the exclusinve Juilius Caesar dialect, and the Pope burst intoa smile, the garrot flicked back behind the curtain." "Bless you my son" said the pipe and bull then started to go through his sins, some which even made the Pope blush and begin to wonder whether he should have started this, but after bull finished with the last "ey", he realised that this lowly (of course highly in AUF company) wanderer would be the next Holy See to Australia ("which means" said a Bishop "that you tell us everything that little fart from Sydney is up to in the Parliament. We'll organise a weekly Confession and the tapes and make sure he gets an extra glass of wine at Communion" bull went forth happy in his new purple robe, saying "Bless you my son" even though it was obvious that many of the people he touched with his crusifix weren't male and couldn't fly, but beggars couldn't be ...................................