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Rindercella and her Sugly Isters. . . .


Phil Perry
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This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the 1970s. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger, though God knows after how many takes!

 

The irony is that the BBC received not one complaint.

 

The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds.

 

Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your pants] as you read.......

 

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters. Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying posspits, and shivelling shot.At the end of the day, she wasknuckingfackered.The sugly isters were right bugly astards.One wascalled Mary Hinge and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies.

 

The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and digbicks.The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight, otherwise there would be a cucking falamity.

 

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve."Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse overollocks,so dropping her slass glipper.The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters lethim in.Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig Bart."Who'sfust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince."Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.

 

When the stinking brown cloud had lifted,he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers.This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

 

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married.The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!

 

 

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NOOOOOO. . . . .pheasant plucker's mate,. . .and I'm only pluckin Pheasants cos. . . . . . . . . . . . actually Geoff,. . .I'm surprised the Mods have not trashed that post,. . . we were talking not long back about this forum being too male oriented and frightening the Ladies off. . . . . . and the BBC did often get fooled by clever programming, . . .did you ever get the "Captain Pugwash" cartoon series in the early sixties on Aussie TV ? ? ? they got away with murder here on the BBC, using various euphomisms and other word bending like,. . ."Roger, the cabin boy,". . . .and one of the crew called seaman staines. . . .etc. . . . .! ah,. . .the olden days. . .!

 

 

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The famous Pugwash 'double entendres' were in fact a modern myth. The paper that made the claim was forced into printing a retraction. Shame, as its a rolling good story!

 

In the Young Guardian of 13 September 1991 we stated that the Captain Pugwash cartoon series featured characters called Seaman Staines and Master Bates, and for that reason the series had never been repeated by the BBC. We accept that it is untrue that there ever were any such characters. Furthermore, the series continues to be shown on television and on video. We apologize to Mr. Ryan, the creator, writer and artist of the Captain Pugwash films and books. We have agreed to pay him damages and his legal costs.

 

 

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My favourite two Ronnies was a song about the Merchant of Venice. Corbett would sing the verse and Barker would repeat the last phrase. The last verse ended "As they plied their trade upon that far canal", and Barker repeated "Ffff....fancy that".

 

 

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Yes, it was a cunning stunt that's for sure .... and it's goodbye from him.

 

Speaking of this topic, "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" the movie (original with Gene Wilder), got away with a big one, and in a Family movie what's more, when the different flavours were mentioned; eg, Chocolate, Vanilla, Strawberry, and Snozberries - "The snozberries taste like snozberries!" ..... never heard of "Snozberries" before?

 

Don't go looking for it on the net, don't go looking for it on the net, don't go looking for it on the net - there, you have been told 3 times.

 

 

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Yes, it was a cunning stunt that's for sure .... and it's goodbye from him.Speaking of this topic, "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" the movie (original with Gene Wilder), got away with a big one, and in a Family movie what's more, when the different flavours were mentioned; eg, Chocolate, Vanilla, Strawberry, and Snozberries - "The snozberries taste like snozberries!" ..... never heard of "Snozberries" before?

 

Don't go looking for it on the net, don't go looking for it on the net, don't go looking for it on the net - there, you have been told 3 times.

352670836_Cockupfactory.jpg.361f710d880fcc0f459598fef834205d.jpg Thanks for that info Bex. . . . .Speaking of Willy Wonker and the chocolate factory, I thought you might like to see this one, . . . it's doing the rounds on Fizzogbook etc. at the moment,. . . . whatever you might think of Conservativity,. . . . .it is rather amusing. . . . though I doubt David Cameron agrees. . . . .

 

Phil

 

 

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....but is it really from Ronnie Barker? I tried to find a video of this to see him saying it, but couldn't. There are several posts on different forums saying it's an urban myth that he did the Rindercella thing, instead attributing it to someone called Archie Campbell. Anyone have video?

 

 

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