Captain Posted July 21, 2021 Share Posted July 21, 2021 ....... entering into a mating ritual with a ....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onetrack Posted July 21, 2021 Share Posted July 21, 2021 ....cumulonimbus cloud - which we must watch, as it could get very interesting! - seeing as this top-level predator, cumulonimbus, has been known to eat Jabirus in a few seconds, and spit the remains out from their....... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 21, 2021 Share Posted July 21, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, onetrack said: ....cumulonimbus cloud - which we must watch, as it could get very interesting! - seeing as this top-level predator, cumulonimbus, has been known to eat Jabirus in a few seconds, and spit the remains out from their....... ..... bottoms, which are located just under the tails of their cumulo congestus big scary brothers, and that .... THE BELOW CUMULO CONGESTUS IS A CLOUD THAT ALL AUF FLYERS WILL BE WARY OF FLYING CLOSE TO, EXCEPT TURBO WHO THINKS THAT THESE ARE FUN & HE LOVES TO STICK HIS WING INSIDE AS HE FLIES BY, BECAUSE RULES & CONVENTIONS ARE MADE FOR WOOSES. Edited July 21, 2021 by Captain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 21, 2021 Share Posted July 21, 2021 .......they stalk their prey by moving away quickly from where they are perdicted to be, and falling like veil on the unsuspecting birds and pilots. Here's one now coming straight for us [camera jolting, dave resumes ] XXXXXXX XXX!!!!!!!!!, that's ruined my nice flannel pants and white short [commenray resumes showing Dave coming his hair] No sooner than they've done their work, they are gone, they sky clears, the bords come out, and life is good again. Next week we will look at the mating habits of the Siberian gnat, a wonderful animal which lives in the wilds of Siberia, and gets its ........................... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 21, 2021 Share Posted July 21, 2021 ..... jollys from inserting its ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onetrack Posted July 21, 2021 Share Posted July 21, 2021 ....proboscis into the soft areas of unwitting mammals, mostly homo sapiens, but other mammalian species, including mammaries, as well - which are, as you should know..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 21, 2021 Share Posted July 21, 2021 ...halfg a metre in diameter (Dave was gettnig slack; he'd flipped to his Mammary file and picked up elephant instead of gnat, but he quickly covered hmself by saying......................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onetrack Posted July 21, 2021 Share Posted July 21, 2021 ......"Oh, bother! I knew I should've gone to SpecSavers! But never mind, there's only a minor difference in size, the physiology is very similar - and we're here today to examine the workings of........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 21, 2021 Share Posted July 21, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, onetrack said: ......"Oh, bother! I knew I should've gone to SpecSavers! But never mind, there's only a minor difference in size, the physiology is very similar - and we're here today to examine the workings of........ ....... the repro-ductive sysem. With that, a few kiddies (and a few wrecks in Wreck Flying) giggled at the chance of seeing a few "good bits" like used to be in editions of National Geographic that had features about primitive African & South American tribes. Then Dave continued on in his hushed tone "Speaking of primitive tribes with unique courting practices, we have a particular treat in today's episode as we have been invited to attend some unique primitive mating rituals, and here we see the village of Darraweit Guim, that has been hidden away in the mists of time deep in the dangerous sub-tropical hinterland of Mextoria, where the ....... Edited July 21, 2021 by Captain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 22, 2021 Share Posted July 22, 2021 (edited) ..... men are just mere sex objects, prized for their hunting, bunny busting, flying and NES skills. "I think I want to join them" added Dave, as it had been a while for him too. Then he continued with his diatribe "For this is a primitive, amazonian matriarchal society where women just take whatever they want, whenever they want it and the men are just there (often emaciated and begging for a rest) to do whatever the women ........ Edited July 22, 2021 by Captain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 22, 2021 Share Posted July 22, 2021 .........the Common Rabbit has made its home in the thousands by mating at every opportunity. Here we see a pair about to .. BANG!. Er well er, I don't think we can use that shot Roger. As we look down the glen we can see a pair of sandy coloured rabbits start...BANG! I think we might go over this hill and..BANG! GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU POMMY XXXX!!!. Dave looked down at the dead rabbit giving its last kick. "That's not right: he said to CT who was sitting in a hide eating chololate basrs as he shot. "What?" he asked mving across to the 50 cal. BOOMOOMoomoom! the souhnd echoed across the valley and a bunny became just a cloud of pink vapour that drifted away on the breeze. "You shouldn't have shot that Rabbit" said Dave indignantly. "What rabbit?" replied CT and................ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 (edited) 23 hours ago, turboplanner said: "What rabbit?" replied CT and......... ..... then asked "Hey Dave, old mate, do you want to film my mating ritual now?" "But there are no females around" replied Dave while looking about. "Oh" responded CT "I don't need any females. Here watch this." Dave was horrified but couldn't take his eyes off CT for a while, then Dave .......... Edited July 23, 2021 by Captain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 .....froze as CT lined up on a bunny with the 50 call and BOOMBBoomBboomb came the echo from the hills, and there was a little cloud of pink about a kilometre away which ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CT9000 Posted July 23, 2021 Share Posted July 23, 2021 ......now that is how you f#####k a bunny...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 17 hours ago, CT9000 said: ......now that is how you f#####k a bunny...... ......... which got a reaction from Dave, when he said "I must give that a try when I get home, and before I .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 ........get into trouble I must turn this camera off, but by a million to one, during the editing the sequence and his comment were left in. The Daily Mirror proclaimed ................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 5 minutes ago, turboplanner said: ........get into trouble I must turn this camera off, but by a million to one, during the editing the sequence and his comment were left in. The Daily Mirror proclaimed ................. ..... "BIG DAVE A HAS (ALLEGED) AFFAIR WITH BLOKE FROM DARRAWEIT GUIM AND PLANS TO USE A 50 CAL ON HIS MISSUS IN THE UK". This resulted in DG being declared a .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 ..........."vile hunter" but Dave quickly denied having ever hunted anything, which was technically true, and the Mirror mindfull of protecting any Pom from the days when they used to pinch bread and shoes and get sent to Australia, wrote a second piece listing Dave's history with animals, and although they had to leave a couple of things out, cemented his reputation. That was destroyed the next day when News of the World hired a couple of "Royal Watcher" journalists who were expert in taking an innocent event and turning it into a devastating scandal headlined with "BUNNYXXXXXX" in font size second only to announcing WW2. Cappy was shocked, and put on his EP of "God Save the King", and suitably pumped up after six playings, started to write a letter to NOW, starting with: "As a descendant of Captain James Cook, Royal Navy, I ............................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, turboplanner said: "As a descendant of Captain James Cook, Royal Navy, I .......... ....... call Shenanigans on this story, as I witnessed, 1st hand, Dave using his other hand to ......... THIS IS WHERE THE ENTIRE SAD TALE TRANSPIRED AT DG. It's like a gay version of Picnic and Hanging Rock, but with a few sordid variations (and a film crew). Edited July 24, 2021 by Captain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 25, 2021 Share Posted July 25, 2021 "........hold the camera, as he does so well in all his wildlife productions wuth the exceptions of where numerous lions, bears, elephant etc had to be shot to save the silly old bugger's life. "The shooter was CT from DG and dave only had the camera rolling to show how inhumane rabbit shooting was. In fact the building in the photo, disguised as a church shows the homestead of CT's grandfather and the firing slots where CT's grandfather exterminated a whole tribe of ..................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 25, 2021 Share Posted July 25, 2021 (edited) 39 minutes ago, turboplanner said: "The shooter was CT from DG and dave only had the camera rolling to show how inhumane rabbit shooting was. In fact the building in the photo, disguised as a church shows the homestead of CT's grandfather and the firing slots where CT's grandfather exterminated a whole tribe of ............. ........... wombats. "Oh wow" said Dave seeing another commercial opportunity. "Can we recreate that? I hear that there are an excess of hairy nosed and hairy axsed wombats in this region of the 5 holy rivers, so with a bit of luck we can round up 8 or 10 of the little buggers and do a remake like the Gunfight at the OK Coral. We'll call it the "Massacre at the DG Holding Yard", so go get the wombats (& get some cute little ones too) + some more 50 cal ammo, while I get on the interweb & register that name so that we .............. DAVE, WHO KNOWS HIS AUDIENCE WELL, AND KNOWS WHAT SELLS IN THE CUTTHROAT WORLD OF SENSITIVE NATURE DOCOS, THINKS THAT THESE ARE PERFECT FOR A DATE WITH A 50 CAL (AFTER ALL, IT'S NO WORSE THAT LETTING A LION EAT A ZEBRA JUST FOR THE CAMERA). A SIDE COMMUNITY BENEFIT (TO MAINTAIN HIS SOCIAL LICENCE) IS IT WILL STOP THESE LITTLE TWERPS DIGGING HOLES NEAR THE SIDE OF THE CT'S STRIP (AVREF). Edited July 25, 2021 by Captain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 26, 2021 Share Posted July 26, 2021 .......can franchise it around the world." But CT dind't know how to catch wombats. He and Dave roamed the hills of DG on moonlit nights but Dave hadn't done his homework or he would have known that wombats can outrun dogs, and .............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted July 26, 2021 Share Posted July 26, 2021 (edited) 23 minutes ago, turboplanner said: .......can franchise it around the world." But CT dind't know how to catch wombats. He and Dave roamed the hills of DG on moonlit nights but Dave hadn't done his homework or he would have known that wombats can outrun dogs, and .............. ......... this therefore was the origins of the terrible blood-soaked (AUFcommitteemeetingref) stories of the Yowie and Bigfoot roaming the hills and the 5 Rivers of Darraweit Guim. The stories were very similar to the Hound of the Baskervilles, and CT filled the role almost perfectly as the ...... Edited July 26, 2021 by Captain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted July 26, 2021 Share Posted July 26, 2021 ...evil ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onetrack Posted July 26, 2021 Share Posted July 26, 2021 ....Selden, a fear-instilling creature of the hills and hidden caves above the 5 rivers of DG. The mere mention that CT was on the prowl was enough reason for strong men to lock up their wives and daughters, and keep the dogs close to the house. Then, one night, as CT went on the prowl for wombats, he was sighted by none other than....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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