The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

......Cappy, as he trudged back East with his tired troops. "But we're going North, not East, that's why there's so many sandhills! - we're following the coastline like the early Dutch navigators", said Cappy's Sgt Major.

"I knew I should've got a decent British compass instead of this Chinese one, that I found in the local hock shop for $15!", exclaimed Cappy. "But anyway, the workout through the sandhills will do you blokes good, it's what those tough SAS boys do - and besides, I've got a......

[turboplanner]

.....Plan. The Regiment cringed as one because they knew Ratty Cook's Plans were conceived in fine detail to the last plate of porridge on the day of battle but always deteriorated into a rabble with Ratty screaming enough obscentities to frighten the enemy off.

 

They rested for a while; the sandhills had given way to red stony country. He looked at the red rocks, and with a furtive look over at Turbo, picked one up; it was high grade iron ore. He casually swept his binoculars around and found the red rocks extended in all directions as far as th eye could see.

 

"Corporal bull!" he called, "Unpack that Thruster and see how far this stony country extends". 

 

bull flew the drifter until the motor started to splutter, then turned for the long engine-out flight back tp base. He had carefully dropped the steel pegs Turbo had given him at every corner. The pegs read "Turbine Mining Corp DO NOT ENTER"

 

The field was ten times the size of Gina's holdings.

 

On his return, bull innocently told Turbo, he'd pegge the field, and Ratty shot Turbo a look that would kill a bull (not our bull of course, but he was thinking about it).

 

Turbo was quick to reassure Ratty that this field was so big that there would be money for all, and Ratty could be Chairman of Directors (a non executive position, mainly ceremonial). Ratty melted at this' at last he would have something to brag about in the club. bull abd CT would be directors, and everyone in the Regiment was granted 10,000 free shares.

 

They had three problems;

1. Register the pegged field

2. Get back into WA formally

3. Stop the WA troops from invading.

 

For the first one Turbo and Chevy grabbed a captured Chevrolet El Camino bakkie  and rolled into Perth pretendings to be a couple of drunk shearers. This hardly required any acting on Cappy's part, and they succeeded in pegging their claim.

 

They celebrated at .............

 

 

 

 

 

Field Marshall "Ratty" Cook

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

They celebrated at .........

...... the Swan Brewery Tasting Rooms & Cellar Door selling area, where all vintage beer is marketed. "It's not really vintage, it's just out-of-date and we have found a new way to flog it off" said OT with unusual candor.

 

Turbo, who had developed a taste for Swan Lager, Afrikaans ladies & sand in his jocks was ready to emigrate to WA, except that he .......

Edited January 30, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....was now needed in the new Turbine Mining HQ in Melbourne to organise new drilling rigs and sh!t for the mines and had to leave the "on-the-round stuff to the others.

 

This was careless and over time led to ..............

Edited January 30, 2022 by turboplanner

[onetrack]

......lazy, unsupervised Turbine Mining employees doing doughnuts and rollbacks in the company Landcruisers when they were supposed to be working. But when even the unbreakable Toyotas started to break down in huge numbers, and orders came through for many new ones - Turbo started to smell a rat (not Cappy, he normally doesn't smell that bad).

 

"I need someone to head West and find out what's going on over there!" thundered Turbo as he paced the main office. "It looks like the local Aboriginals have invaded the workforce, judging by the level of requests for new Landcruisers!"

 

"Speaking of Aboriginals, Mr Turbo", said the receptionist timidly. "There's a deputation of noisy Aboriginals in the front foyer, demanding to see the CEO and yelling obscenities involving 'stolen land' and 'Aboriginal land claims', and I believe you need to address them as a matter of urgency!"

 

Turbo blanched. This was something he hadn't factored in. He'd already paid the local Elders 6 new Landcruisers to cover the mining royalties due to the Aboriginals, and they'd signed off on the leases (well, as far he could make out, they had - the signatures weren't really all that clear) - and he thought any Aboriginal grievances would be muted to a whisper, once they got to ride around in them new 'Cruisers. But no, there was this.......

 

Edited January 30, 2022 by onetrack

[Captain]

39 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....was now needed in the new Turbine Mining HQ in Melbourne to organise new drilling rigs and sh!t for the mines and had to leave the "on-the-round stuff to the others.

 

This was careless and over time led to ..............

..... OT turning on him in the Western Australian and on the ABC's 7.30 Report.

 

OT relished the huge audience that this gave him and he hooked in "This is typical of Turdboy, who come over her with his pink tanks, his filthy mouth and his baaad attitude, then ......

 

AN EXAMPLE OF FILTHY MOUTHS & BAD ATTITUDES LIKE TURBO'S 

 

Edited January 30, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

Apologies OT, We posted almost identically in time, but yours had much more depth, merit and perception.

[Captain]

43 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Turbo blanched. This was something he hadn't factored in. He'd already paid the local Elders 6 new Landcruisers to cover the mining royalties due to the Aboriginals, and they'd signed off on the leases (well, as far he could make out, they had - the signatures weren't really all that clear) - and he thought any Aboriginal grievances would be muted to a whisper, once they got to ride around in them new 'Cruisers. But no, there was this.......

..... little issue that the delivery on a new cruiser is now 4 years (respects to all angry Aboriginal Leaders past, present, future and the next bit after that) and all of Turbo's miners had sold off the old ones for four times what they cost new ........... and this was the basis of the new WA economy under Marky Mark where he said "Stuff Mining. WA will hereafter be the capital of old mine Toyota car sales, and he applied a 50% ToyoTax on every SH vehicle sold if it had any red dust on it, or a fluoro stripe on its .........

Edited January 30, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

..... little issue that the delivery on a new cruiser is now 4 years (respects to all angry Aboriginal Leaders past, present, future and the next bit after that) and all of Turbo's miners had sold off the old ones for four times what they cost new ........... and this was the basis of the new WA economy under Marky Mark where he said "Stuff Mining. WA will hereafter be the capital of old mine Toyota car sales, and he applied a 50% ToyoTax on every SH vehicle sold if it had any red dust on it, or a fluoro stripe on its .........

..........f......flank. Turbo was very unsettled after watching that Blues Bros video: "I......'m t......hinking of ffff......filing a medical report for PTSD" he said.

 

Turbo had been sent to the local convent to be taught how to play the piano aged 8, and a vicious old nun would hit his cold fingers with a drumstick if he played a wrong note, until one morning he arrived with his father's duck gun and placed it up against the wall. The nun didn't know he was just taking it to Show and Tell, and...............

[onetrack]

.... that little episode is only a small part of Turbo's colourful jail confinement and military firearm ownership history - which events, of course, led to him forming his military forces.

The problem was, once he'd formed up a military force, he didn't know what to do with them, until Cappy suggested invading W.A. - and that then led to the W.A. Turbine Military invasion fiasco, and the associated beer fiasco, where the Turbine military forces almost revolted when they ran short of VB.

 

"These are but small annoyances in the larger order of things", said Turbo as he gave his Channel 9 interview upon his return from W.A., whereupon he was trying to breezily explain away, how he came to be forcefully ejected from W.A., by Mark's COVID forces - mostly because, not only was he a Victorian leper - but also because he couldn't provide a valid vaccination certificate, that met W.A. entry requirements.

 

But of course, he also failed to mention in the interview, that the thought of being confined in a W.A. Quarantine Hotel for 14 days (at his expense, too!) gave him the heebie-jeebies, and brought him out in a cold sweat, as the threat of being confined to just one room, vividly brought back dreadful memories of his time in Barwon prison, and the time he had to..........

 

Edited January 30, 2022 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

...................smuggle in a drone and fly himself out. No one knew the lifting power of a drone in those days.

For a couple of weeks he immersed himself in getting the mine started up. When the ore started to flow down to the coast on Turbine Autonomous Rail Inc. he turned his attention back to OT, who'd made the intemperate comments above.

 

He had deployed the regiment around Melbourne's hostipitals as volunteers, and they quickly gained the name of Pink Ladies because they cold tell you anything.

 

Field Marshall Ratty Cook came up with a Plan to invade WA. "We'll dress the regiment up as Covid Inspectors and disperse them in a line along the rabbit proof fence. They can then inspect themselves and let themselves in, then we'll cross the border with the Attack Thrusters [avref] carrying their weapons, and from there it's only a matter of capturing all the Machine Gun carrying bakkies we need."

 

It was a comprehensive Plan, although Turbo saw the Field Marshall had left two items out; food and water, but he figured they could pick them up along the way.

 

At the border they met Ngindjeri, who had been born in Ireland of Pakistani parents and was an Elder of the Curry Curry tribe (respects to elders past and present). They had a Smoking Ceremony using cigars supplied by Cappy, and for the sum of $2 million were granted access to the whole of Western Australia.

 

The army confidently made its way east, coming to the town of Geraldton (named after Gerald Stone, a young reporter who once interviewed a young Alan Bond there for 60 Minutes).

 

From there they caught a bus into Perth and...........

 

 

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

From there they caught a bus into Perth and........

...... infiltrated the filthy drug fuelled dens that comprised the WA parliament building.

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

..... ejected .....

Turbo was concerned that he might be caught & ejaculated out of WA for a 2nd time, which would be .......

[onetrack]

.... not the first time he was ejected into the world as a result of an ejaculation. But while Turbo was furtively trying to infiltrate the W.A. Parliament building, another unrelated event was unfolding which would greatly impact on Turbo's eventual gains. That event was the lawsuit of Clive Palmers where he claimed that the W.A. Govt, and Mark in particular, had robbed him of enormous mineral wealth, all in the name of.......

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.... not the first time he was ejected into the world as a result of an ejaculation. But while Turbo was furtively trying to infiltrate the W.A. Parliament building, another unrelated event was unfolding which would greatly impact on Turbo's eventual gains. That event was the lawsuit of Clive Palmers where he claimed that the W.A. Govt, and Mark in particular, had robbed him of enormous mineral wealth, all in the name of.......

..... keeping the rest of the common folk safe.

 

But Marky Mark had been outwitted by the Omicron bug, that appeared to have hitched a ride on some FIFO aircraft (avref) and was running amuck in the Pilbara. (It had actually come into the area in a pink tank (supplied by Turbo's Tank Hire) and the crew of 5 scurvy Mextorians who brought in the lazy and corrupt Melbournistan strain of Omicron (known locally as VicPolicron) that had been incubated between consenting adults in the Moorabbin cop shop, so it was open to bribes but was also flush with cash from the Vatican payment, and was  ......

Edited January 31, 2022 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....known to spread faster than any other previously-known virus variant. On that basis, Marks troops struggled to contain the outbreak, which spread rapidly through the parliamentarians, and the public service - as well as the general public. 

"We need a root and branch cleanout here!", said Mark in his best Navy lawyer officer voice. "I want everyone on Parade at 7:00AM, and I don't want anyone avoiding Parade by visiting the RAP with complaints about sore throats or loss of sense of smell, or other nonsense. Just front up at 7:00AM sharp, and be prepared to.........

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....known to spread faster than any other previously-known virus variant. On that basis, Marks troops struggled to contain the outbreak, which spread rapidly through the parliamentarians, and the public service - as well as the general public. 

"We need a root and branch cleanout here!", said Mark in his best Navy lawyer officer voice. "I want everyone on Parade at 7:00AM, and I don't want anyone avoiding Parade by visiting the RAP with complaints about sore throats or loss of sense of smell, or other nonsense. Just front up at 7:00AM sharp, and be prepared to.........

..... sign a Stat Dec that you are free from the Rona, but if any of your have a heretofore unknown rash (The "Victorian" Disease [TVD]) that might have also been transported by Turbo or his tank crews, please send me a photo and be prepared to flash your .........

Edited February 1, 2022 by Captain

[bull]

.insurance details for the...........

[Captain]

7 hours ago, bull said:

.insurance details for the...........

.... cross border travel, including the additional & very precarious (although the Western Australian's appear to love it) Left Wing Politics and Non-Existent Liberal Party Loading (LWP&NELPL) to specifically cover the extreme dangers of being "kept safe" in WA from the Rona, when the .......

 

THE FAMOUS PHOTO ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE WEST AUSTRALIAN

OF MARKY MARK AT EUCLA, HOLDING BACK THE RONA. (OT REALLY DOESN'T

BELIEVE IT BUT HE IS THERE BESIDE MARKY, WITH THE STAIN ON HIS TOGA,

JUST FOR THE PHOTO OP). As can be seen by his expression, the bloke on the

left feels like he is being kept safe.

Edited February 1, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....since you Easteners are likely to bing anything in. "I take offence at that" said Cappy in his bst British accent. "Who are you?" said Marky, and at that moment Cappy's ferret (shown with Cappy (on the left) in the above photo) chose to hang down from Cappy's toga. Marky turned white; he knew the easterners had some bad Covid strains circulating, but this was shocking."Get him into quarantine and lock him up!" he yelled, but the ferret.......................

[Captain]

....

Edited February 2, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

.......

Edited February 2, 2022 by Captain

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....since you Easteners are likely to bing anything in. "I take offence at that" said Cappy in his bst British accent. "Who are you?" said Marky, and at that moment Cappy's ferret (shown with Cappy (on the left) in the above photo) chose to hang down from Cappy's toga. Marky turned white; he knew the easterners had some bad Covid strains circulating, but this was shocking."Get him into quarantine and lock him up!" he yelled, but the ferret.......................

...... gave Mark the middle finger and bolted into WA like Clive Palmer after (hypothetically) winning his court case.

 

While the ferret liked the warmth and camaraderie of Cappy's trousers, he also realized the importance of his mission and he therefore .......

 

The Skipper apologizes to Onesie for referring to the stain on his toga (and his reputation) as Cappy has just zoomed in on the photo above and realized that it is not a stain, it is a cross relating to OT's meritorious membership of the church of Trackbine's Latter-day Persons-of-Merit.

Edited February 2, 2022 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........infiltrated the streets of Perth. He carried a messaged attached to his collar and it read .............

[onetrack]

....if found, please return to my owner, who is an elderly gent with greying hair who has large pockets that are currently empty". However, many NES'ers missed the vital signal of the duck in Marks pocket.

 

This duck was no ordinary duck, only West Aussies knew that "this little ol' black duck" was pure codespeak to identify other West Australians in a crowd and to separate the Eastern States disease-carriers from the West Australians, who were completely disease-free. The duck in Marks pocket also symbolised the "wood ducks" of the East Coast, who could be conned as easily as the........

[turboplanner]

.....constant stream of Americans that returned home with the Title of the Sydney Harbour Bridge which they were allowed to buy from a Turbine Tours Guide for just $250,000.

 

As Marky, thinking the ferret was a Quokka reached down to pat it, the ferret struck like lightning, biting the end off his finger. Markey jerked back with a scream, dislodging the duck, and the ferret bit its head off.

 

So much for codespeak thought the ferret, and made straight for the border where Cappy had been stopped. "What are you going to do with this shotgun?" asked the inspector.

 

Now Cappy was one of those pedants who went ape (respects etc) when a journalist described a crashed aircraft as a "Cessna", whether they were or not. WF readers will remember the time when Cappy ran off the end of Wagga Wagga International, through the fence and hit a bull worth $30,000 in his Jabiru J230, which he'd built himself. The cause was forgetting to tighten both brake rotors, but the newspapers just headlined "Erratic Cessna Hits Bull", or the time when he had a fuel exhaustion between Wagga Wagga and The Rock and the heading was "Cessna Down", or the time he tried to land on the crosswind runway and was blown into the next door poultry farm and the local paper front page headline was "Kentucky Fried Cessna".

 

Everyone knows that when talking about a non-rifle, you refer to its gauge, 410, 8, 10, 12 etc and the maker, Browing, Breda, Holland and Holland, or the Rolls Royce, Rigby, which are all hand made. 

 

Journalists frequently made the same mistake which had ex Colonel Blimps red with outrage when their headlines said "Granny Shoots Elderly Philanderer With Shotgun"  or "Captain Cook Wins Shotgun Competition Again (Targets aren't real)", and the inspector was now holding the Field Marshall's Rigby Elephant Gun, a masterpiece which had cost him 550,000 Euros.

 

Cappy's rage overflowed and he yelled at the inspector " ...................