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The Never Ending Story


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52 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....map, helpfully shown above by Cappy. He wondered if three tanks would be enough.......

.... because he knew that Turbs had replaced the diesel engines with SH Evinrudes and 2 of those shown in the plan had broken down 300 m inside the WA border while the 3rd & last one was bogged near Broome.

 

In the meantime, Onesie had organised the 1st line of defense in the SW utilising his collection of D11s.

 

However, that doesn't mean that ......

Edited by Captain
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............he had the advantage because a thread had started on the Caterpillar site headed "What fuel do you use in your D11?" Of course that opened the discussion up for everyone who'd ever seen a tractor, whether a Ferguson or one of the thousand or so brands. Recommendations came in from Peanut oil to kerosene and Castor oil, to petrol and sump oil in equal measures with a litre of Valvoline, to  one person swearing by LP Gas even though he'd only ever used it on ihis old HG.

 

OT, who had only ever used what Caterillar reommended all his life, and had never had any of his 56 Cat engines failed was nevertheless an educated person who thought it was never too late to learn, and opted to switch to petrol and sump oil on the grounds that this would halve his fuel cost. 

 

The BOOOOOOOM!!!!!!! when the first D11 motor blew started the war, and the first win went to the bogged tank which had been facing the D11. War is like that, Ahlox thought; he was a thinker that man, and....................

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.......he thought that Turbo has overstepped his abilities this time, in trying to invade W.A., because Gina Rinehart had heard on the grapevine that Turbo was invading W.A. to take over her mines.

But unfortunately for both Turbo and Cappy, Cappys map of the enemy area was seriously deficient (as has been the problem in most badly-run wars) - and where Cappy had marked "mines" with the crossed picks symbol, the symbol should have been the skull and crossbones symbol, to mark "mines" (as in "minefield").

 

That simple error led Turbo and his Commanding Officer, Field-Marshall "Ratty" Cook into the major minefield that Gina had set. The tanks disappeared in clouds of flame, smoke and dust as one after another, they ran over anti-tank mines.

At the sight of the tanks blowing up, Turbo's badly-trained troops turned and fled (another little failure caused by Field Marshall "Ratty" Cook spending more time testing out the contents of the mess alcohol stocks, instead of concentrating on increased troop toughening-up).

 

Turbos invasion of W.A. was becoming doomed to failure - and when he heard that OT, the decorated Vietnam Veteran with a chest full of medals from his outstanding bravery and actions in 'Nam, had been promoted to Gina's Commanding Officer of the W.A. Mine Protection Force (W.A.M.P.F.), that was all he needed, to call off the invasion of W.A. 

 

It didn't help that all the West Australians he came across in his travels said, "We fully intend to keep W.A. sealed off from you East Coast lepers for as long as it takes, and Marky Mark has our full support, and besides there's an election coming up soon, and Clive needs to be.......

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....muzzled to stop him spreading Queensland Disease which is starting to mutated into a Greens strain.

Turbo mused that given they were all "on message", WA schools and youth education must be being fed propaganda by Marky, so he had one of his CIA mates, this one Perth based, dress up as the US Ambassador and explain to Marky that the great land had signed an agreement to support Turbine-Cook Mercenaries Inc. so it was pretty much all over, and the USA would buy all of his wheat which China used to buy, if he called off his troops, which Marky did, enabling Turbine-Cook to keep moving west, and soon .....

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..... FM Turdboy played his master card (it was going to be his master stroke, but the doctor had told him not to do that so much at his age).

 

In a brilliant Dougy MacArthur type move, FM Turbo instructed that all of his tanks be painted pink plus all of his shock-troops to wear pink tutus, use pink AKs and shoot pink bullets.

 

"Those guys must be Gina's, so don't fire" yelled Marky Mark to OT, who .....

Edited by Captain
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5 hours ago, Captain said:

..... FM Turdboy played his master card (it was going to be his master stroke, but the doctor had told him not to do that so much at his age).

 

In a brilliant Dougy MacArthur type move, FM Turbo instructed that all of his tanks be painted pink plus all of his shock-troops to wear pink tutus, use pink AKs and shoot pink bullets.

 

"Those guys must be Gina's, so don't fire" yelled Marky Mark to OT, who .....

leapfrogged over Cappys unrelated to the story posting , and pulled theirimage.jpeg.9b4ad3c00f41a8b590938f7ada0f7686.jpeg pink tiger tank to a halt and began.....................

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.......to play

 

 

This confused the WA enemy somewhat because they were used to Bing Crosby songs.

 This was followed by Pink, leading the Tank Unit and singing 

 

 

The WA troups, dressed in sports coats and slacks were traumatised by this display, and surrendered en masse. (which means all at once)

 

Marky ........

 

 

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.... Mark wasn't to be defeated as easily as that, though. He was made of sterner stuff, and his Navy upbringing was ready to shine through. Here was a bloke who had kept 1/3rd of Australia safe and protected from the ravages of a nasty virus - while the carefree, careless, undisciplined East Coasters suffered through tens of thousands of virus cases, while their economy ground to a halt around them.

 

Marky sneezed and coughed .......... and the East Coast troops fled in fear. They well understood what a sneeze and cough meant. They ran so fast they dropped their weapons, and fell over each other to get away, to avoid the dreaded COVID-19 virus.

 

But Marky laughed as he watched them retreat in abject terror. He'd only pretended to sneeze and cough. He was as healthy as any other West Australian, virtually none of whom had even seen a COVID-19 case, let alone caught the bug themselves. It was those East Coasters who were the virus-carrying lepers, and good riddance to them, too! - as Mark watched their dust trails lessen.

 

He turned to OT and said, "What a great team we have here! We could take on...........

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7 hours ago, onetrack said:

He turned to OT and said, "What a great team we have here! We could take on......

...... the Russians that are lined up in Europe if we felt inclined.

 

However as he spoke those words, 5 rifle barrels were raised and pointed at him, by members of the WA Petorian Guard, who were relying on Mark to keep them safe.

 

"If you have the Rona we need to cull you immediately" said Johan (who always believed what Mark said and who, like many Western Australians, really was from Pretoria), so they handed Mark a shovel and walked him out into the nearby sandhills.

 

"But I don't want to go to the toilet" said Mark, shovel in hand.

 

"You will in a moment" replied Johan and ......

Edited by Captain
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.........said "Jeckie, Jonie, Heckie, Ornie, Wellie! Gut the duggers from the Bakkie!"

 

Marky was starting to wish he hadn't pretended to do that sneeze, however, just as the Pretorian Guard arrived back from the ute with the shovels, over the horizon loped  five suntanned amazons dressed only in halters strong enough to hold a pair of horses and catskin short shorts, rawhide boots and carrying AK47s. Their names were Mary, Heather, Sharon, and Joan and they were the Turbine Guard, on loan to Marky in return for extensive mining leases.

 

Six shots rang out and all five Pretorians dropped like rocks.

 

"Who missed?" said Mary. "No one" replied Heather, "that Jeckie dissed me as I was about to shoot so I shot him in the balls first."

 

Marky knew he would have to be very careful with this lot, so he ............

 

 

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.....n address that would make Adolph Hitler proud, incoporating 8 pauses to give Marky time for that sarcastic grin down his nose at Easterners.

 

He'd slipped up though; with all the noise of the celebrations, his Army turned to see if there was free beer, and despite shouted orders from General OneTrack, raced through Perth to join the celebrations.

 

The Pink Army, as armies do heard free beer and raced hot on the heels of the WA troops, capturing Perth, and securing the beer. "A job well done!" said Field Marshall Cappy hinting that he had organised it.

 

They had just settled in to the booze up when .............................

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....... the beer and when they saw it the victorious eastern conquerors said.

 

"Oh no, not Swan Lager. Don't you have something that tastes less like cat's ......

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............but he didn't have to finish the sentence because the captured soldiers all hung their heads in shame, knowing that they couldn't get their normal beers from Victoria because Marky wouldn't let them in, and in an instant the troops crossed and joined Field Marshall Cooks mob, and they began the process of finding a new leader for WA, who would not ..............

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...... breach the Geneva Convention, which specifically prohibits Swan Lager being forced on prisoners .................. or their captors.

 

So the ......

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2 hours ago, Captain said:

...... breach the Geneva Convention, which specifically prohibits Swan Lager being forced on prisoners .................. or their captors.

 

So the ......

AND PAYING RESPECTS TO ALL GENEVA CONVENTIONS PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE, WHICH OF THE CANS IN THE BELOW PHOTO ARE CONSIDERED BY THE CONVENTION TO THE WORSE THAN SARIN GAS.

And just to be clear on which Sarin, I am referring to O-Isopropylmethylphonofluoridate, not the other more complicated one.

 

See the source image

Edited by Captain
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1 hour ago, Captain said:

See the source image

 

.....brands Swan Dry (which was an empty can), Swan Special Light, Swan Lager and Swan Unreadable were to be withdrawn from the market by the new WA Leader, but who would forgo the only beer in WA?....

 

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2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

I think the Seekers wrote a song about that.

Correct Turbo. I had forgotten about that, .......... as Athol penned the tune, Judith sang it, Keith wrote the final lyrics and Bruce Woodley, who was an industrial chemist, checked the spelling and came up with all the rhyming words. (Bruce later found additional fame in the Lano & Woodley comedy act).

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5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

 

.....brands Swan Dry (which was an empty can), Swan Special Light, Swan Lager and Swan Unreadable were to be withdrawn from the market by the new WA Leader, but who would forgo the only beer in WA?....

 

..... not Turbs nor OT, as while they were mortal enemies in the battle for Busselton & the McGowan Line, they were also .....

Edited by Captain
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......beer drinkers, and so the production of craft beers (moonshine) started in the hills of western Australia. The Police tried hard, but the breweries were hidden and the beer was hidden in the ...........

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6 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......beer drinkers, and so the production of craft beers (moonshine) started in the hills of western Australia. The Police tried hard, but the breweries were hidden and the beer was hidden in the ...........

..... sandhills. Oh, the sandhills "There are sooooo many of them" said ......

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