The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

8 hours ago, Captain said:

 

This exoskeleton was fitted to Turbo after I shot him in the date while up the Khyber.  (Don't ask him to show you the scar, that's my tip).

Exoskeletons were a special activity of the Raj back then, a bit like how derigeur is gain of function research these days.

[turboplanner]

.....Unfortunately the exoskeleton started to rust out and Turbos movements became more and more sluggish to the point where the film crews had to speed up the film to keep the story line.

It didn't go well if the Star sas "What are you pointing at Turbo", and turns around to find Turbo's hand still firmly in his pocket. He sold the rusting EX to a Chinese, Dimsim Wao who wanted to mass poduce them and sell them to Americans who were having difficulty domestically.

 

In the meantime the SOS group were getting hungry so Capp y went out and shot a Gnu just as he used to do on the Khyber. As he came into camp with the gutted and skin Gnu over his shoulder, CT loudly proclaimed "You idiot! Don't you know Gnu's are sacred around here these days!"

"What Gnu?!" replied Cappy, this is a rabbit!

CT who knew a rabbit when he saw one realised what Cappy had, necessarily done, and said "...

 

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

CT who knew a rabbit when he saw one realised what Cappy had, necessarily done, and said "...

"...... Wow Cappy, that's a big'n".

 

"Why thank you CT, but are your referring to my now dead but new Gnu, or the boastful yet rusty and still impressive section of Turbo's exoskeleton that I keep down my ......

[turboplanner]

....trench to attack the enemy when they least expect it "Turbo" has never let me down in battle, even when.................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....trench to attack the enemy when they least expect it "Turbo" has never let me down in battle, even when.................

..... I shot him in the date.

 

We used to say that I shot him in the freckle, but the DEI team embedded in our commando unit (some of whom take going commando very seriously) said that to use the term "date" is culturally more relevant to the locals, and much more preferable than to talk about hundreds and thousands on a lump of stale chocolate, even if Turbo's looked more like that around where the bullet went in, not to mention the ....

[Captain]

.... the exit hole near the end of what, during one of their numerous trysts, Mavis had referred to as his .....

[turboplanner]

.....odd way of walking.

When faced with this lurid story from Cappy, who notoriously missed every gnu he ever shot at, Turbo patiently explains that one embarrassing scar occurred when he slid off a haystack and landed on the top of a steel picket and the other one was from his motorcycling day which ended his two wheel career.

 

NES "Thousand Club" readers who get the live story on video will notice, next time Cappy comes int camp with a gutted and skun gnu on his shoulder, that it's his faithful servant Gunga Din Sing who has the blood all over him and is carrying an old iron sight 30/08.

 

Cappy has his scars too, and one day when he did his usual and ran the home made J230 out of fuel, the outcome was ...........................

[onetrack]

........entirely predictable, as Cappy called a Mayday, and had 6 Qantas, 11 Jetstar and 3 Rex aircraft diverted into holding patterns for over 30 mins while he tried to make a decision on where to land. Finally he decided that a nearby golf course looked suitable, and he flopped onto the smoothest-looking patch of fine green turf, only to realise when he was at 10 feet altitude, that it wasn't all that smooth at all, and in addition, he was just going to totally interrupt a major golfing tournament, which then led to an angry..........

[CT9000]

.....outburst from the Jabiru people saying you can't land here. It is not a real engine failure, just a pilot problem.......

[turboplanner]

........but Cappy had watched the how to land a Cessna on a golf course and flicked it straight up over a mound then let the leds hang down in a bunker, did a 90 degree turn between two flags, spun around and went off at rioght angles, hopping a tool shed, weaved between a four, shaving the peaked cap off one of them, bounced it down hard on a green allowing him to jump over a bunker and then ........................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

jump over a bunker and then ........................

.... what did he notice in the bunker. 

 

More f'n sand, and he'd just got back from a weekend with Rose Porteus or whatever she is called now, and had just excavated half a ton of theirs out of his Crack.

 

The bunker also housed a ....

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....Cocktail cabinet for those unfortunate enough to get caught in it for an hour or so, but the more important news was that Cappy has been asked to appear on LA Tonight to be interviewed on his new book; "How to make a Cessna hop!"

 

Cappy became all nervous that his Australian kilt might not be understood in the US and Turbo agreed that the host who usually humiliates women might call it a skirt so it was down to Turbo's favourite outfitters on Rodeo Drive with the warning that he would do the talking (after the last time when ......)

[Captain]

... he had an Axel Foley type confrontation with Serge and it all came unstuck when Turbo showed off his magnificent crop of grey chest hair and his astounding, yet cute, ......

 

 

Edited Saturday at 02:35 AM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......satchel in which he carried all his air navigation data, consisting of a flash drive.

Cappy, who could easily pass for Serge with a beer gut was curious.

"Where do you plug it in?" asked Cappy nonchalantly, not knowing what a flash drive was.

OT saw where this was going and ....................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......satchel in which he carried all his air navigation data, consisting of a flash drive.

Cappy, who could easily pass for Serge with a beer gut was curious.

"Where do you plug it in?" asked Cappy nonchalantly, not knowing what a flash drive was.

OT saw where this was going and ....................

..... stopped the story line, like a Cessna on a golf course, before somebody receives a Wreck Flying enforced holiday.

 

That didn't stop OT from jumping in though, and .....

[turboplanner]

....explaining his "Bunker technique" which didn't rely on laminar airflow over the wings, but somewhat lost the crowd when he spent too much time on the refinements of getting sand out of your sump, ball joints and universal.......but CT gave him both barrels with ...........

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....explaining his "Bunker technique" which didn't rely on laminar airflow over the wings, but somewhat lost the crowd when he spent too much time on the refinements of getting sand out of your sump, ball joints and universal.......but CT gave him both barrels with ...........

..... his newly released 410 cartridges, cleverly named CT's Sand Shot (or CTsSS as the firearms industry soon designated them), and during an interview he said "I've seen that craze of people shooting flies using salt guns and well, we don't muck around (or any other 'uck around) up here at the confluence of the mightiest of Mextoria's 5 streams, so that when ......

[turboplanner]

........a duck lifts off the water, when it's hit by the sand, it's plucked.

CT is a thinker, and rightfully was given a SHOT award at the annual Hunter Oscar Awards on Hollywood boulevarde.

Australians have always done well at the HOA because...............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........a duck lifts off the water, when it's hit by the sand, it's plucked.

CT is a thinker, and rightfully was given a SHOT award at the annual Hunter Oscar Awards on Hollywood boulevarde.

Australians have always done well at the HOA because...............

... your average Aussie is a lean & highly focussed bush man, and is not at all like those city folk who ...

.

[turboplanner]

....get their food from supermarkets and campaign to ban cattle.

When looking for the fighter pilots of the future, the RAAF doesn't walk down Smith St, Collingwood checking out the dudes lying on the footpath, or cruise through Logan in an MRAP; no, they go out into the Country where the the average resident started shooting rabbits or wild pigs for the family dinner when they were five.

These were the people you could rely on to .................................

 

Country School Excursion - Grade 6

 

Edited Sunday at 07:09 PM by turboplanner

[Captain]

19 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....get their food from supermarkets and campaign to ban cattle.

When looking for the fighter pilots of the future, the RAAF doesn't walk down Smith St, Collingwood checking out the dudes lying on the footpath, or cruise through Logan in an MRAP; no, they go out into the Country where the the average resident started shooting rabbits or wild pigs for the family dinner when they were five.

These were the people you could rely on to ........

..... protect the might of the great Australian Commonwealth.

 

Our stout & dedicated colleague, bull, is one who knows the back-story to the decline of the lean Aussie bushman and his replacement by the fat and decrepit Aussie couch potato, and as one of the former, bull thanks that .....

[turboplanner]

......more schooling could help. In his time where he had to learn Latin, and in his gap year go to Italy and find someone he could talk to as part of his assignments, he found the curriculum (bull of course speaking fluent Latin knew what that word meant) very helpful  when he was planting trees in Latin.

He was so fluent that he had to leave Bone ey, because no one knew what he was saying, even when he spoke educated English. Grey Nomads would know the problem well; even the signs in the way in to Bone are weird and you can order a steak at the pub and finish up with one brussel sprout instead.

bull decided to change things and ..........

[onetrack]

.....write his own language, which was based on his Queensland and Tasmanian living and educational experiences. There's reportedly an Australian language called Strine, bull decided to name his new language, Strayn - because it was regularly a strain trying to figure out what a Strayne speaker was actually saying. This led to a serious diplomatic bungle, when bull, upon his visit to the Pope, said.........

 

Edited yesterday at 12:23 AM by onetrack

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....write his own language, which was based on his Queensland and Tasmanian living and educational experiences. There's reportedly an Australian language called Strine, bull decided to name his new language, Strayn - because it was regularly a strain trying to figure out what a Strayne speaker was actually saying. This led to a serious diplomatic bungle, when bull, upon his visit to the Pope, said.........

 

..... "bonjour Le Pope mate, and congrats on getting the top gig. Je suis bull ze famous (see further explanationi below) sea captain from bone et Tazzy, and can you illuminate and elucidate me on what the F is the Holy See or is it the Holy Sea or the Holy C, mate?"

 

Le Popa drew bull aside for a 2-hour private session, with lunch & a knees-up in his private apartment, and once all the hangers on had gone, he said "Will you endorse me publicly, monsieur Le bull, it would mean so much for moi an ze future of ze church, and will you also .....

 

Latin Explantioni - In Australien circles des Aviationi, bull suis even more famous than you, mate.

 

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.... when he was planting trees in Latin ....

Further Explanationi - bull was not planting trees, he was sowing oats and spreading his seeds ... even at his advanced age.

Edited yesterday at 03:54 AM by Captain

[bull]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

, monsieur Le bull, it would mean so much for moi an ze future of ze church, and will you also .....

will be on the 72 virgin list with out the other religion thingy,,now this caused a furore amongst the attending parishioners with calls of,,where's my 72 virgins ,how come this upstart from Australia gets first dibs? Bull turned to old popey and said.............