Phil Perry Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 A look at world events byJohn Cleese - British writer, actor, ex- python and very tall person The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels . The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level. A final thought - " Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC" 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadpete Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Phil, Good one! Please visit Australia soon. Please drop in to our club. You will be welcomed with open arms (and open fridge) I promise to table an esky filled with our finest humour lubricant. The way this world is going at present we need all available jokes to help us through these tough times.> 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Phil,Good one! Please visit Australia soon. Please drop in to our club. You will be welcomed with open arms (and open fridge) I promise to table an esky filled with our finest humour lubricant. The way this world is going at present we need all available jokes to help us through these tough times.> Hey Pete,. . . . . . what an offer, can you get a couple of cases of a nice Barossa Valley Cava type dry sparkling white as well as the amber nectar ? . . .thanks. Only been to Toowoomba once, back in 1975 'ish . . . as an active member of the Brisbane Amateur Radio Club, was helping the Scouts ( and Girl Scouts of course ! ) on "Jamboree on the air" where a lot of us radio amateurs supplied the gear, and supervised the kids talking to other scout troops around the country on the HF, Vhf and Uhf bands, which was good from our site on the top of a high ridge not far from town. Took my old guitar for the sing song around the bonfire in the evenings, but I could't get me fingers around thos complicated chords in Ging Gang Goolie Goolie whatsit . . . . . Phil 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Hey Pete,. . . . . . what an offer, can you get a couple of cases of a nice Barossa Valley Cava type dry sparkling white Geez Phil, all these years I thought you were a bloke, goes to show how confusing a name can be. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Geez Phil, all these years I thought you were a bloke, goes to show how confusing a name can be. Maybe he's an "alcoholic girly man"! (With apologies to Arnold Schwarzenegger, who said it first, and none at all to that wanker Mathias Cormann, who didn't.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmick Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 as well as the amber nectar ? At least being Queensland it SHOULD be "XXXX" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA. Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 At least being Queensland it SHOULD be "XXXX" Only because you can't spell Beer. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Only because you can't spell Beer. Beer? What's "Beer"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle Communications Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Only because you can't spell Beer. Nah your just jealous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle Communications Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Hey Pete,. . . . . . what an offer, can you get a couple of cases of a nice Barossa Valley Cava type dry sparkling white as well as the amber nectar ? . . .thanks.Only been to Toowoomba once, back in 1975 'ish . . . as an active member of the Brisbane Amateur Radio Club, was helping the Scouts ( and Girl Scouts of course ! ) on "Jamboree on the air" where a lot of us radio amateurs supplied the gear, and supervised the kids talking to other scout troops around the country on the HF, Vhf and Uhf bands, which was good from our site on the top of a high ridge not far from town. Took my old guitar for the sing song around the bonfire in the evenings, but I could't get me fingers around thos complicated chords in Ging Gang Goolie Goolie whatsit . . . . . Phil Do you still hold a Amateur licence Phil? Are you on Dstar at all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 Do you still hold a Amateur licence Phil?Are you on Dstar at all? Yes I do Sir,. . . . . . it's G 4 O H K ( Old Hairy Kangaroo ) All my gear has been in storage for years, but approaching retirement ( June 2015 ) and I've warned the cheese and kisses that the antenna farm is going back up in the back garden very soon after that. Got a rough idea what Dstar can do, and it sounds fascinating but have not used it yet. . . . . plenty of time. Used to be very active but lots of flying got in the way . . . . not enough time for everything ! ! ! Phil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 Beer? What's "Beer"? Yeah, . . . . XXXXXX, I think I remember that, but it's been a couple of years or so since I sat around in a pub with a bunch of mates and we ordered a big $2.50 jug of beer between us,. . .has the price gone up much ? ? ? ? Phil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 we ordered a big $2.50 jug of beer between us,. . .has the price gone up much ? ? ? ?Phil What's the difference, you never paid anyway! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 What's the difference, you never paid anyway! Don't suppose there's any chance you'll tell me where your front doorstep is Bex. . . . . . only it's just that I've got an unused Aboriginal death stick leftover in me souvenirs. . . . . 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 only it's just that I've got an unused Aboriginal death stick leftover in me souvenirs. . . . . Didn't work very well Mate, there's still plenty of them around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 Didn't work very well Mate, there's still plenty of them around. Oooooooooh . . . . . . Not gonna run with that one Bro' . . . ! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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