The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

....quietly landiong on the privatye strip on French Island and setting possum traps which ..........

...... actually caught une chat, une chapeau, deaux Pepi Les Peuxs, and une member of the foreign legion who has been there since 1980 where he was dropped off to wait to attack the Rainbow Warrior.

 

"Mon name es Bryon" he said "I surrender ............... , so do you have une beret, some croisants, would you like une kiss francaise, can you find me a poodle, where can I hire a Renault, and how is Le Concorde going .... are we still dominating le skies?"

 

"Le plume de ma Tante is in the garden" replie Le Rat.

 

"Moi has been here since une neuf dix zerrro, so give us a lend of your Tante for a while, will you mate?" he asked/demanded.

 

"My Aunt can decide for herself" replied EL Ratsack "And she decides to .......

 

 

[turboplanner]

...... actually caught une chat, une chapeau, deaux Pepi Les Peuxs, and une member of the foreign legion who has been there since 1980 where he was dropped off to wait to attack the Rainbow Warrior.

"Mon name es Bryon" he said "I surrender ............... , so do you have une beret, some croisants, would you like une kiss francaise, can you find me a poodle, where can I hire a Renault, and how is Le Concorde going .... are we still dominating le skies?"

 

"Le plume de ma Tante is in the garden" replie Le Rat.

 

"Moi has been here since une neuf dix zerrro, so give us a lend of your Tante for a while, will you mate?" he asked/demanded.

 

"My Aunt can decide for herself" replied EL Ratsack "And she decides to .......

.....cttez vous longue whaite hairez, so vous look less like Father of Christmas"

 

[the author realizes that Ratsack was supposed to reply in English, but he's such a border hopping passport poking rope running rodent that he probably originated in Marseilles]

 

Unfortunately Bryon, the francais hommus had to be told the truth about the world today including the part about God making sh*t and Renault giving it wheels, how the Concorde had a life cycle about as long as a Chinese squeaking dog toy.

 

Ratsack sadly continued what he felt was his duty to inform a poor lost soldier:

 

"... and as far as dominating the skies is concerned, and carrying on the tradition of bombing Pacific surfing tournament destinations, not to mention the Rainbow warrior, it seems you're the only one in the skies and clearly either unable to manage the totally foolproof Jackaroo engine, or mistook a deserted outback landing strip for Bikini Atol"

 

"Alorts!" said Bryon........

 

 

[Captain]

..... "Alorts!" said Bryon........

 

.... "Je suis un Rockstar, for I am really Plastique Bertrand, just known down Tyabb way as Plastic Bryan" as he sailed into the 1st line, singing "Cinque plank pour moi. Voitre Tante pour moi (in the garden), mon Gazelle et une fine mchine, and other ditties petite, like ................."

 

 

[turboplanner]

This new birst of french appeared to be too much for Le Bryon who had lapsed into a state of silence like a deserted airstrip on the wrong side of Broken Hill............

 

 

[Captain]

This new birst of french appeared to be too much for Le Bryon who had lapsed into a state of silence like a deserted airstrip on the wrong side of Broken Hill............

"Mon Dieu .... and what, mate?" said Le BreeYong "Le Heel Bro-ken? Is that like Le Atoll Bro-ken, Le Warriore Rainbow Bro-ken, Le Air-bus flight computer management system Bro-ken (before and after it automatically lands you in Le foreste), Le Concorde fuel tank Bro-ken, La LockeSmeeth Bro-ken, every Peugeot 407 Bro-ken?"

 

"Oui, mon ami" responde Le Tooth Goldene "And like ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Fermez La Bouche!" ["Shut your trap!"] yelled L'ahlock still with his hand on the firehose(he always seemed to have his hand on it) rather rudely interrupting the timeless prose of Le Toothless Tigre, having made the mistake of thinking Bryon was tipping a bucket on him. "What about Le bolts Brok-en?"

 

There was an embarrassing silence for a moment, then............

 

 

[Captain]

yelled L'ahlock still with his hand on the firehose(he always seemed to have his hand on it) rather rudely interrupting the timeless prose of Le Toothless Tigre, having made the mistake of thinking Bryon was tipping a bucket on him. "What about Le bolts Brok-en?"

There was an embarrassing silence for a moment, then............

 

......... Nanna said "Leesten very carefully, Bree-own, for I shall say zis only once."

 

"Good moaning" said Pepe Le Locks.

 

"Bugger" said Nanna en Francais "He must have heard us. I hope he doesn't know about what we did with Le Rodente's Aunt's pen out in the garden, non to mentione the ...............

 

 

[turboplanner]

......... Nanna said "Leesten very carefully, Bree-own, for I shall say zis only once."

"Good moaning" said Pepe Le Locks.

 

"Bugger" said Nanna en Francais "He must have heard us. I hope he doesn't know about what we did with Le Rodente's Aunt's pen out in the garden, non to mentione the ...............

 

...drift by tooth goldene into germain.

 

Loksmeeth was also strangely silent, but then again that's to be expectyed when the wife saus "You've had a great time all year flying that piece of extravagance, now it's your turjn to cook the Christmas Dinner!"

 

Le Loque comntemplated a barrel of potatoes........the question was would Santa come down the chimney.........

 

 

[Captain]

...droft by tooth goldene into germain.

Loksmeeth was also strangely silent, but then again that's to be expectyed when the wife saus "You've had a great time all year flying that piece of extravagance, now it's your turjn to cook the Christmas Dinner!"

 

Le Loque comntemplated a barrel of potatoes........the question was would Santa come down the chimney.........

...... however Le Loque was actually rivetted to the latest post on the thread about the "Main Squeeze" Rivet Squeezers, and had gone to the Marketplace this arvo to order one off Santa.

 

"Vous aren't francais, with a name like Santa Klaus, are vous, mate?" he asked Santa while sitting on his knee.

 

"No, je suis Francais" said Santa "See, ........ I surrender" he added.

 

"No worries, mon sport" replied Le Locque "Do you have any Aussie squeezers or just ones from central Europe?"

 

"Mon squeezers are all made en Chechezlovaque, and imported via Le Turkey" said Santa, who, for the rest of the year, keeps Le Wolf from Le door by running a tax-free import and smuggling route down the Bospherous and up thru Lapland.

 

"I don't want none of that Chzech crappe" demande Le Loque, not fully understanding the irony until La Planner Tubbee whispered in his shell-like and said .......

 

 

[Bryon]

...... however Le Loque was actually rivetted to the latest post on the thread about the "Main Squeeze" Rivet Squeezers, and had gone to the Marketplace this arvo to order one off Santa.

"Vous aren't francais, with a name like Santa Klaus, are vous, mate?" he asked Santa while sitting on his knee.

 

"No, je suis Francais" said Santa "See, ........ I surrender" he added.

 

"No worries, mon sport" replied Le Locque "Do you have any Aussie squeezer or just ones from central Europe?"

 

"Mon squeezers are all made en Chechezlovaque, and imported via Le Turkey" said Santa, who, for the rest of the year, keeps Le Wolf from Le door by running a tax-free import and smuggling route down the Bospherous and up thru Lapland.

 

"I don't want none of that Chzech crappe" demande Le Loque, not fully understanding the irony until La Planner Tubbee whispered in his shell-like and said .......

"Toot bloody alors" said Tubs in his finest Banghomo accent

 

"Wot we need is to stop taking the fine name of Breeon in vain (this could cause problems at VaticanTooradin) as we all know that Tooradin backwards is "Needaroot" and we only have a limited supply of possum skin condoms"

 

Peter the Possum Man is on holidays

 

The Captain (Flashasaratwithagoldtooth) is chillin.....

 

Tomo is cavorting with the natives:pope:

 

Ahlocks has locked himself in the dunny:roflmao:

 

Nanna is in need of a new set of dentures:bounce:

 

And the missus has agreed to let me buy the plane I want, so to all you lot .........

 

Merry Xmas and a happy new year

 

May the force of the NES be with you all

 

And as he said..............

 

 

[Captain]

Merry Xmas and a happy new year

 

May the force of the NES be with you all

 

And as he said..............

 

...... "Use the force, Locky" said The Dandy Nong "As it'll make the rivetting easier".

 

"Who said that Breeyong could use up all of them smilies" responde Le Fireee "As there will be bugger left for me and Santa Klaus the smuggler."

 

All the best to you all ....... how sad is this on Xmas Day, but the kids haven't lobbed yet so I thought I'd come here and play with the other kids ...............

 

 

[Bryon]

...... ....... how sad is this on Xmas Day, but the kids haven't lobbed yet so I thought I'd come here and play with the other kids ...............

This aint sad, just think of it as your grown up family (sometimes :stirring pot:)

 

 

[MrH]

This aint sad, just think of it as your grown up family (sometimes :stirring pot:)

 

"Merry Christmas to you madNES'sss" :clap:said MrH as he waddled off with a slurr, hiccup & burp, then wandered into the garden where he met the famous RataWaggasourises' Aunt :ah_oh:... but she had hidden the even more famous pen behind the flooded Christmas tree !!:confused:

 

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[turboplanner]

"Merry Christmas to you madNES'sss" :clap:said MrH as he waddled off with a slurr, hiccup & burp, then wandered into the garden where he met the famous RataWaggasourises' Aunt

Now expereinced NESsers had always only made oblique r5eferences to Captain's Aun, and then only in the nicest possible way, mut Mr H had dropped himsel;f right in it by putting her right in the story. What a mistake!

 

This means she'll probably be chasing after Mr H for years to come, but then perhaps this was his intention.

 

Turbo and Locksie had had a very narrow escape from this real life aunt one night when they'd invited a few firies up to Turbo's room while Captain was away on business and the party had got ever so slightly out of hand with just the teeniest bit of noise when from the dark end of one of those corridors emerged the shapeless figure of Aunty Rat, who proceeded to ravage the nearest fiery, and had worked through four by the time we got the door barricaded.

 

It would have been five because Ah Locksie kept yelling "Pick Me! Pick Meeeeeee!"

 

But we held him down out of harm's way.

 

However, the same can't bhe said for Mr H. He's crossed the line, and there's nothing we can do to save him...........

[Captain]

....... However, the same can't bhe said for Mr H. He's crossed the line, and there's nothing we can do to save him...........

"Too right Turbs" said the Aunt "Now that I've moved out of blue italics into the guts of the story, I'm gunna make the most of it ........ as I now have free licence to make Nanna look like a choir girl."

 

"Go for it Aunty" yelled the Rat as he got the camera ready in his BlackBerry.

 

"I'll make MrH yell OH LINDA, alright. And my name isn't even Linda." she commented with a glint in her eye "In fact it will be Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Linda."

 

"Can I play too" asked Nanna.

 

"Yes Nanna" said H "You can hold Bry(nyl)on's ................

 

Les pantalons de ma Tante are in le jardin (hanging over the garden seat in a dishevelled manner).

 

[MrH]

Drumstick....

 

 

[turboplanner]

Drumstick....

Mr H kept zigging when he should have been zagging.

 

Insulted at H's instruction to hold L'Bryone's drumstick, Goldentooth spat back with "In that case you can hold the parson's nose!"

 

 

[Captain]

Drumstick....

...... or have a Gaytime (not that there is anything wrong with that) and ............

 

 

[Captain]

Mr H kept zigging when he should have been zagging.

Insulted at H's instruction to hold L'Bryone's drumstick, Goldentooth spat back with "In that case you can hold the parson's nose!"

"Hang on there" said Parson Pearson the puritanical purveyor of ..............

 

 

[Bryon]

"Hang on there" said Parson Pearson the puritanical purveyor of ..............

...pusilanimous pursuits of a nostrillious persuasion" :black_eye:

 

"I would rather hold one of Nannas ..........

 

 

[Captain]

...pusilanimous pursuits of a nostrillious persuasion" :black_eye:

"I would rather hold one of Nanna's ..........

..... gravity effected good-bits" said Reverend Rat the rambunctious reciter of ribald rythms and randy rhymes that ..............

 

"What about moi" recite la Tante dans le jardin with a plume et un ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

...always finished up on the same path in the same garden where Rat played, by himself.

 

Noting that there hadn't been an aviation reference for some time he said "Good to talk top you, musty fly!"

 

Meanwhile Locksie was struggling to recover from Christmas Dinner; his light frame was reminiscent of a boa constrictor which has just swallowed a small cow.

 

Would he ever walk again?

 

 

[Captain]

...always finished up on the same path in the same garden where Rat played, by himself.

Noting that there hadn't been an aviation reference for some time he said "Good to talk top you, musty fly!"

 

Meanwhile Locksie was struggling to recover from Christmas Dinner; his light frame was reminiscent of a boa constrictor which has just swallowed a small cow.

 

Would he ever walk again?

The Locksie thought a bit & mused "How could the Tuber Planter possibly know that I often wear a boa under my Locksy's uniform? Did I perhaps let my hair down that infamous night of the fireman's ball, when I had feathers (flying reference) on my mind, evil in my heart and high-jinx on my ..............

 

 

[turboplanner]

The Locksie thought a bit & mused "How could the Tuber Planter possibly know that I often wear a boa under my Locksy's uniform? Did I perhaps let my hair down that infamous night of the fireman's ball, when I had feathers (flying reference) on my mind, evil in my heart and high-jinx on my ..............

.....apron, along with that big pink ribbon in my hair....."

 

 

[Captain]

.....apron, along with that big pink ribbon in my hair....."

........... and eye-shadow that matches the colour scheme of the SSzara, while tastefully completing his ensemble with a .............