Captain Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 .......dericious. The Texta had become the scourge of mankind, responsible for the near extinction of many species including the Orange breasted parrot, textad brown and sold as quail, the yellow eared honeyeater, textad part black and sold as fascinators for Richmond football club supporters who usually plucked and ate them after they lost the game, and the white rhino, textad black and sold as mighty Angus beef. Turbo himself was guilty of touching up rhesus monkey haunches and selling them in Tasmania as Peking duck, but that's another story for..... ... another day. "I agree" said AhLox "As Textas have been a boon to me. All I had to do was find a rusty old Combie and buy a black texta, and I scrawled "Master (I left out the bit about also being a "bater" ..... as I thought that may not help sales) LockSmiff" on the side, and I could then automatically charge everyone $500/hr (+ GST). And the proof is in the pudding, as I even caught out old Ratty when he needed help by a Locksmiff at his Bordello, and I now drive a Mercedes van that has even been signwritten (and it's not the poxy Loxy small Merc either, it's the big flash one with the 6 litre engine, the 8 speed auto, the leather upholstery and the gold plated key cutting machine)." "Me too" volunteered Brine "As I buy rot-gut at the farmers market and colour it in with Textas before I sell it as JW Blue Label" "Me, also" said AndyCough'supstuff "As I used a Texta to change my J230 to an R230, and that makes me very ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 ...important around the Ratfly crowd who don't know the difference between............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 ...important around the Ratfly crowd who don't know the difference between............. ....... a 2000 hr TBO and a ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 ...........Turbo declines to extend this one on the grounds that he may accidentally be construed as a certain engine basher. After all on another thread where an out of round component, out of round being a classic example of poor quality, was found to be the cause of a problem it was praised as an example of how clever this manufacturer was, that he could throw in a little trick like this to show how easy it was to fix, preventing boredom when building and flying for a short or long time, and.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 ........ "Is Tubby having a shot at our waistbands when he refers to "out-of-round"?" asked Salty, as he looked at the Rotund-Rat, Obese Ahlox, Plump Planey and Corpulent AndySux, then took out a brand new Texta, unwrapped it, and went to the ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahlocks Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 ..fridge and scrawled "mineral water" on an sixpack of happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 ..fridge and scrawled "mineral water" on his sixpack of happiness. However Ahlow's "six-pack of happiness", as he used to describe it to Nanna, had turned into "23 litres of flabbiness", as subsequently described by Mavis once she had had a good squizz. "His weight and balance (aviation reference) in the Szara (Beer-can reference) will be shot to pieces." she added "He must look crook at those Saturday morning love-ins, and his ................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryon Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 However Ahlow's "six-pack of happiness", as he used to describe it to Nanna, had turned into "23 litres of flabbiness", as subsequently described by Mavis once she had had a good squizz. "His weight and balance (aviation reference) in the Szara (Beer-can reference) will be shot to pieces." she added "He must look crook at those Saturday morning love-ins, and his ................. ...love handles really need three hands per side to control them" "Does that mean we can have a foursome?" squealed Nana "It has been a long time since I had a................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 .....onesome, or twosome let alone a foursome" admitted Forlocks, and he went on to admit that the Wagga Wagga Fire Brigade was not the same since compulsory exercise was ruled too dangerous for the delicate constitutions of the Dad's Army that lounged around the place reading Woman's Day copies scrounged from the local hairdresser when she wasn't looking and..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planedriver Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 the local firies spouses kept shouting "more hose, more hose" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 .....but the front door was locked and they couldn't come in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahlocks Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 "Help me! help me!!" shrieked the young woman on the third floor balcony. "Help me! I'm up here!!" she screamed out into the night. Her room was rapidly filling with smoke and becoming unbearable when she heard the sharp clack of a ladder onto the balcony handrail. "Oh thank god" she gasped to the dashing figure climbing the ladder. "I thought I was going to die." "You'll be all right luv, we're highly experienced with this sort of thing." reassured her gallant saviour "You're the third pregnant woman I've rescued this week." "But I'm not pregnant?!" she exclaimed. "Yep..... and you're not rescued yet either." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 The cocky fireman was flexing his wrists and puffing out he chest for the rescue job when there was a scraping sound and the ladder started to slide sideways with cocky lockie at the top - it was a case of................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 The cocky fireman was flexing his wrists and puffing out he chest for the rescue job when there was a scraping sound and the ladder started to slide sideways with cocky lockie at the top - it was a case of................... ... deja-vu, as Turbo has kicked the ladder out from under most NES contributors at some stage or other in the preceding 6941 posts. However Cocky-Locky's behaviour with the young damsel on the balcony in post # 6940 reminds Ratus Ratus of a similar experience the last time that he went for a fly in the Szara with Ahlot the Harlot, as the Locky refused to land again until Ratto came across (not that there is anything wrong with that, as El Ratto is a particularly fine example of the species)................ with the ................. My Aunt is out in the garden playing with her plume (et votre crayon), & getting pretty excited about the upcoming post # 7000 and the competition to see who will be the luck bugger to snag it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 ..........Magneto switch which he had quietly unscrewed while Cocky Locky wasn't watching. "We'll be in crappy crappy if I don't get that back", said Cocky Locky "because although the Tsara Tsara has a glide ratio which would make most Jab owners weep, that's "The Rock Rock dead ahead, and...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 ..........Magneto switch which he had quietly unscrewed while Cocky Locky wasn't watching."We'll be in crappy crappy if I don't get that back", said Cocky Locky "because although the Tsara Tsara has a glide ratio which would make most Jab owners weep, that's "The Rock Rock dead ahead, and...." .... Szaras with Axes can keep flying, even with both Magneto switches unscrewed. "If you keep doing that we'll both be screwed" said Loxly, who flew beautifully with 105% coordination and, what with his starched scarf and leather flying helmet, he looked like a 30 year old WW2 fighter pilot. "That's about right" commented Planey "As that would make him about 97 now, and that's exactly what PoxyLoxy ......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 ......... was trying to avoid. He'd put his age back 30 years so he could be sure of qualifying as a fierie fairie firey. The Gumly Gumly Fire Chief had thought it strange that a two year old would be applying, but decided "to let it go and watch to make sure he could safely do the work", and... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryon Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 .... Szaras with Axes can keep flying, even with both Magneto switches unscrewed. "If you keep doing that we'll both be screwed" said Loxly, who flew beautifully with 105% coordination and, what with his starched scarf and leather flying helmet, he looked like a 30 year old WW2 fighter pilot. "That's about right" commented Planey "As that would make him about 97 now, and that's exactly what PoxyLoxy ......... ....looks like when he is unclothed (naked, nude, in the nuddy, wearing his birthday suit, sans vêtements, ohne Kleidung, senza vestiti, etc, etc, etc) "How come a thity something year old looks like that?" asked Mavis "Well," said Nana, "It all began when........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 ....looks like when he is unclothed (naked, nude, in the nuddy, wearing his birthday suit, sans vêtements, ohne Kleidung, senza vestiti, etc, etc, etc)"How come a thity something year old looks like that?" asked Mavis "Well," said Nana, "It all began when........... ..... he tried to rescue my off a balcony. Apparently he thought that he needed to seduce me with promises of rescue, but little did he know that I do this sort of thing for recreation and as a hobby, so the result is that the young and firm Ah-Roxoff with his tight six-pack, now after just 6 months of attention from Nanna, as per play-thing, Poxy-Loxy looks like a .............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 ......greyhound with mange and badly in need of a feed. In fact his fur was so worn, and he was so........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 ......greyhound with mange and badly in need of a feed.In fact his fur was so worn, and he was so........ ... emaciated that consideration was given to putting him down (and let's face it, who'd miss him if they did?). Editorial Explanation .... The Rat is a bit sensitive to this "putting him down" caper, as he is getting a bit mangy & lame himself, and to that age where his kids have been trying to get him to take a strole with them down behind the shearing shed, while they carry the .22, but he has been able to dodge them so far. "That's nothing that a good feed won't fix" said Mavis, then I can make use of his so-called body again "Bring out edition 6 of the CWA cook-book and we'll knock up some tripe, turnips, swedes, lamb's brains, ox-tail casserale, lamb's fry and pigs trotters (edition 6 was published late in WW2 when offal & tapered vegetable were all the rage) and poor old Poxy-loxy won't look so poxy any more, although it will take him a while to get over those carpet burns on his .................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 .....hind legs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 .....hind legs. And this was how it all came out about Turbo's fetish for Chrissie Hynde and the drummer from The Pretenders. "Martin was hot" recalled Turbo. Then he added "I just loved Chrissie's interpretation of ................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 ..leverage ratios of bell cranks in recreational aircraft in respect to response time and leverage effect. Turbo was always mindful of Planey's desire to focus on aviation terms, and it would be too much for the elderly Rat if he gave the real answer to what he was insinuating, since these days the Rat spent most of the day insinuating but never carrying through, unlike........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 ..leverage ratios of bell cranks in recreational aircraft in respect to response time and leverage effect.Turbo was always mindful of Planey's desire to focus on aviation terms, and it would be too much for the elderly Rat if he gave the real answer to what he was insinuating, since these days the Rat spent most of the day insinuating but never carrying through, unlike........ .... AndySatonhisthumb (and pulled out a plum? ...... oh erky perky), who didn't just insinuate, he ............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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