Captain Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 ".......I've been waiting ten years just to get here and read the Secrets Book. I especially want to read the story about..................." ....... the fairy-tale, or horror-story, about the President and the Solicitor, where the member's funds were caught in an EGM category whirlwind (AvRef) up near grandma's house in Queen-be-Anne and where the big-bad-wolf ............ LITTLE RED, REPRESENTING 8000 MEMBERS AT THE EGM, WITH HER BASKET FULL OF RESOLUTIONS AND PROXIES. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 .....wolf.....wolf.....wolf (Turbo had been blinded and rendered senseless by the rodent's colourful illustration, and the cute way the wolf is carrying the basket).......had posed as Christopher Robin and alternated with the three wise monkeys, Quasdimodo, and Colonel Blimp - he was certainly a multi-personality animal who showed his true colours when he escorted poor little Epaulette to........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 .....wolf.....wolf.....wolf (Turbo had been blinded and rendered senseless by the rodent's colourful illustration, and the cute way the wolf is carrying the basket).......had posed as Christopher Robin and alternated with the three wise monkeys, Quasdimodo, and Colonel Blimp - he was certainly a multi-personality animal who showed his true colours when he escorted poor little Epaulette to........... ......... his retirement function. "Hurrah" cried the members in unison (AerobaticAvRef), because now .............. THE PERILS OF PAULETTE. ANDY IS IN THE MIDDLE, TURBS AT RIGHT AND POXY LOXY AT LEFT. (Where will Loxy's hand go next?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 ...............we may be able to elect someone who speaks English, and who understands.................. Turbo, after carefully scrutinising post #9451 is certain that Ahlox is an offspring of the wolf featured in that lurid piece of artwork, because that's the exact expression that Turbo saw on his face the night the Henty Fire Brigade beat Wagga Wagga's finest it to a fire breakout at the Wagga Wagga South South Family Pub on B&S night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 ...............we may be able to elect someone who speaks English, and who understands.................. ......... also how to speak Australians, and example of which is below. "Now" said St Andy the Relatively Quiet, "That is what I call ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 ....educational (NES readers may not be aware that in the Coffs area the population is descended from a small group of Armish whose ship was wrecked on it's way to Utah, and they drive Ford Explorers, fly Savanahs and have a vocabulary of 32 words). Ratso's copy of the Victorian Government's comprehensive upgrade of Taxi Driver Training for Beginners is greatly appreciated, and hopefully will be of use to all members, particularly grwip['jdv, and oqdgf w][rg. Turbo was the cultural adviser for the shoot, and you might recall the last road-kill collection point where the new immigrants reject the delicacy on the roadway. Well Turbo had pointed out that this one wasn't for the carcass but the little white things crawling in it, which he calls White Liners, and although he'd specifically asked them to bring a jar, someone had forgotten, so they had to leave the maggots for another............................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 ......... board election at another time. "Did Turbo call me?" asked Margot, who thought she heard him call her name. "Not you Margot" responded Salty "He was referring to .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 .......Major, who had been lurching from controversy to controversy. This time he hadn't said anything about something which was not to be released to the member grubs, and someone had taken offense. "He shouldn't say those things" said Nerdy, "it's confusing us no end, and I think what he might have meant when he didn't say it was..........................." If you missed getting a paper bag, referred to in post #9442, here's a helpful link http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/10-x-Hessian-Chaff-Bag-LARGE-NEW-1220-x-760-Weed-Mat-Sack-Races-/150991276912 [We just put two dozen in the Clear Prop shop branded "Cover at all times" - Een] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 .......Major, who had been lurching from controversy to controversy. This time he hadn't said anything about something which was not to be released to the member grubs, and someone had taken offense. "He shouldn't say those things" said Nerdy, "it's confusing us no end, and I think what he might have meant when he didn't say it was..........................." ........... when Madge tells us something he obviously fails on 2 counts. He either tells us too much, or he doesn't tell us enough and I demand better performance than that from my elected Board Officials." added Nerdy "Because when they are elected, they tend to either keep good stuff secret, or they spill their guts (so Andy will go well) and tell us what is going on and neither of those outcomes is what I demand from my elected representative, who I elected to represent me in a representative fashion .......... not that St Madge has any idea of fashion based on the photos that have been posted here." then Nerdy added "What I demand from my elected representative is ............. Turdy's girlfriend asked "Do you want me to wear one of those Ebay sacks next time we go down to Lygon St?" .......... "No" he replied "We'll just be meeting someone for lunch, we won't be going to bed." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 ......... a clean mouth, a sentence without "ay" on the end, civility to those who live elsewhere than f'nQ (changed with a stroke of the pen recently by guess who [Madge]) who are usually referred to as "southerners" "mexicans", "dirt scratchers", and those are the people north of Bundaberg. "Impossible" said A4, "those NQ's think they are in with us, but we consider them southerners!, and half breeds at that!" "Well what about us then" said SeeIfICan "or would have said, if he hadn't excommunicated with every forum in the country, and then................................." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 ......... a clean mouth, a sentence without "ay" on the end, civility to those who live elsewhere than f'nQ (changed with a stroke of the pen recently by guess who [Madge]) who are usually referred to as "southerners" "mexicans", "dirt scratchers", and those are the people north of Bundaberg. "Impossible" said A4, "those NQ's think they are in with us, but we consider them southerners!, and half breeds at that!" "Well what about us then" said SeeIfICan "or would have said, if he hadn't excommunicated with every forum in the country, and then................................." .......... A4 piped back up. "Don't call me A4 any more, as I am a bigger man than that. Call me Fool's-Crap and then I will .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 go miles and miles for Myles and can offer all the Blankness that he needs...which wasn't much cause there seemed to be plenty of blank on the issue of FunFlyingMyles, a RosOz alternate, which sounded like a frequent flier program...Perhaps said Younger Man perhaps I can get points for my own flights....Now that's something to look into, if I could do that then....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 go miles and miles for Myles and can offer all the Blankness that he needs...which wasn't much cause there seemed to be plenty of blank on the issue of FunFlyingMyles, a RosOz alternate, which sounded like a frequent flier program...Perhaps said Younger Man perhaps I can get points for my own flights....Now that's something to look into, if I could do that then....... ...... I could get Fly-Buy points for each new set of valves and each head rebuild." Andy took off his wetsuit, flippers and snorkel. He was not completing his usual session of passion with Mrs Andy, he was just getting over the latest East-Coast-Low that had swept through Sth Grafton with the force of a ............. Andy after a good feed of pea and ham soup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 .............neighbour's garden hose on your favourite Pit Bull Scotty, who at times can..................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 .............neighbour's garden hose on your favourite Pit Bull Scotty, who at times can..................... ......... get a bit snappy, Och aye the noo. "We Pit Bulls do naye wear these pig hunting leather chest plates for nought, ye know" said the Pit Bull Scotty "So I'd turn that garden hose off if I were yooo, laddie (or lassie NTTIAWWT), if ye do nae want ma canines embedded in yer wee ................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 ......... get a bit snappy, Och aye the noo. "We Pit Bulls do naye wear these pig hunting leather chest plates for nought, ye know" said the Pit Bull Scotty "So I'd turn that garden hose off if I were yooo, laddie (or lassie NTTIAWWT), if ye do nae want ma canines embedded in yer wee ................ ......... wee, or ya ............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 .........but the NES readers, fed on American since the War, many of them bred from them too, had no idea what Pit Bull Scotty was on about - pretty much the same as when Hatso does one of his jumbo posts, or Madge........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 .........but the NES readers, fed on American since the War, many of them bred from them too, had no idea what Pit Bull Scotty was on about - pretty much the same as when Hatso does one of his jumbo posts, or Madge........... .......... strings together a 15 word post that doesn't end in "eh" to report RA-Oz goings ons to his f'n Q membership.(There is one in Charters Towers, a few ferals in Fork Lagoons, 2 in Wairuna and a couple in Dingo (who do it dingo fashion ... NTTIAWWT)." "I send my voluminous reports out to my members on bunny-skin parchment" commented Endo "As I have always felt that all of the members always deserved to be kept fully informed ......... particularly when I needed a shipload of proxies." "It's a miracle when Madge does that reporting to the membership thingy" said E Paul "As when I report to my constituents I always do it by ............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 ............boring them to tears with silence. Sometimes the silences are short, sometimes they are long. I've just broken the five year record for silence, and it makes a lot more sense than........... Turbo is typing this courtesy of the people of Redfern who donated $30,000 for a free rooftop solar system to power Turbo's keyboard. There's so much power left over that Turbo sells it to the grid which pays for the apartment in the Gold Coast. It's not wasted though; the power companies mark it up 100% and sell it to the residents of Logan where the extra light provides security for...................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 the solar systems of Logan....."Some muppet Mexican suggested that these solar things are useless when the sun don't shine, but up ere in Qld the sun always shines...and when it don't, not that that happens yes understands!, we simply reposition the streetlights over the panels and we gets perpetual electricity.....Now some of youse say that they don't product enough Urgs to drive a irritation pump and that may be so, but in my scientific testing of the house power points with my calibrated metal skewer I can definitely report enough Urgs to do pretty much anything...after one picks ones bum up off the floor where the electricity threw me" After that fact filled years worth of words strung together eloquently by the loganite, Epaul was moved to....... Andy reports that he is not using the people of Redfern's solar system, he has one of his own and its happily producing power for all forumites that live within 1 house of Andy.......except not now cause its night time and unlike Logan the streetlights generally are fixed and not repositioned on an as needs basis. He further reports that his solar system is not an ugly eyesore....the blokes across the road however is as ugly as sin! The bloke behind me further up the hill who has to look at mine might think its ugly but as I cant see it, there is no offence to my sense of fenging Shoey! and oneness with the optical pleasantness.... He further suggests that as Rat generally finds these things ugly he should refrain from mirror gazing lest he come to one of those pot kettle moments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 ............adjust his jumper so the bars sat just right, and say "Sorry if we're boring you old chap" Which brings up an interesting point that alert NES readers may have noticed. Old Andy, as we know, is currently in trainee board member mode, but has not yet gone through the Initiation Ceremony which is secret but very painfull, and seems to be the method used to induce former members to sign the Secrecy Agreement. However, in post #9470, grammar experts, of which there are many on this forum, will have noticed he's dropped into a kind of Deep South gait with his words - more or less like the people they used to call Uncle Tom's, and................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 ............However, in post #9470, grammar experts, of which there are many on this forum, will have noticed he's dropped into a kind of Deep South gait with his words - more or less like the people they used to call Uncle Tom's, and................ ......... deep down on the bayou at Boambee Creek, Andy always has power as, if needed and since he is now on the Board he has been fitted with that Board Member's feature where he can just drop his dacks and shine the light directly onto the panel. "Aye has discovered purr-pet-ual motion (but not my previous hat-type motion), so tote that barge and lift that bale because aye is now a ............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 ......... "Aye has discovered purr-pet-ual motion (but not my previous hat-type motion), so tote that barge and lift that bale because aye is now a ............... .......ble to officially call Turbo a potable water wasting, spoggy killing filth." said Andy with pride. "And not only that, he is also an ......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Accomplished lithper and prone to adding lith to things that don't need it...why just yesterday he added lithium to BBQ gas when he just meant to say "I ummm wouldn't mind a good sausage...." But in thinking through the ways the guys around him at the time might have interpreted that, was immediately prone to stutter and lithping which caused him to wish for a good wind generator.... What do you know, ask and ye shall receive.... With a loud brrrrrat! Out popped........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Brother Andy (Turbo is hoping for secret or two) with his 40 watter, to show us how to light up the house. He'd been on The Inventors, he'd flogged it on those sorts of TV channels, and ................... Which reminded Turbo (washed today, Metho) of an ad he'd seen in a paddock on a trip to Queensland" YOU'RE IN SHEEP COUNTRY Eat Mutton You Bastards A million dingoes can't be wrong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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