Captain

...... he asked Turdboy, another well-known bomb-chucker (figuratively speaking of course, ..... although his figure is nothing to write home about), for asylum in Moorabbistan, a request which was .....

................ just to continue with the happy-go-lucky half of his radicalization, making good money mining Lapis Lazuli up the Beckah Valley, living the good life up the Khyber (the couple of affluent Afghans do that a bit), and smelling the Afghan roses poppies. But eventually his bad side (the 1st time it had ever been seen in Cappy's distinguished life ..... so the bad 50% radicalization must have been pretty effective), he decided to consult with his Aussie Taliban brothers in western Sydney and around Moorabbin, who had been in OZ for a couple of years to form sleeper cells, but instead they had gone on the dole, slept most of the day, and bought Harleys ......... to form the Hells Prophets outlaw motorcycle gang (prospects were only allowed to ride Tata scooters). They had all developed an Aussie sense of humour (Afghan blokes can be real dags) "We'd blow up Parramatta and whiff up the people on the Harbour Bridge", so Cappy did. But when he did, the tourists on the Harbour Bridge said "What are you doing whiffing down there, and the great Taliban Sydney Harbour Bridge Whiff Attack (infamously always to be known as the TGTSHBWA) was reported in the SMH as a ..........

...... put his fingers in his ears and called out "Nah, Nah, Nah, nah nah" and other phrase book translations all the way through his training. He really enjoyed making the bombs with fencing wire fuses and the sound of the AK's was like music to his .......

..... money and Cappy designed an award-winning promotional campaign, stolen borrowed from Turbine Advertising, which showed a handsome virile young red Rat, rampant, on the label of cans of drink laced with Afghani heroin washings, and promoted on several Formula 1 cars, 6 MotoGP teams, the Red Rat Air Races and every other insanely expensive sporting event you can think of (he even took on platinum sponsorship of the Moorabbin Sewer Rats VFL Team [of which Turbo is Patron])..... but the Coup de Grace (or even the Coup de Madge [or the Coup de Coffee Lady]) was that El Ratto was also able to .........

.... every 3rd flick, a finger gets damaged and every 6th attempt to start, a finger is lost, particularly when using the razor-sharp titanium props off the 12,500 American drones that were left as departure gifts for the T'ban. As a result, several hundred Afghan kiddies, who were using the titanium props (as supplied to the US military by Wilkinson Sword) would never again know the pleasure of picking their noses in the Afghan dust, or of picking their ........ ONE OF THE MOST DEDICATED TITANIUM PROP FLICKERS IN KABUL. "No worries" he said "I'll just do it left-handed from here on. Plus, I'm going to join into a Class Action against Wilkinson Sword, as there is a big quid to be made.".

...... be provided as a UN aid package to Afghanistan, to be used as aftershave in an attempt to have Taliban guys concentrate on the ladies and not on the goats. There was, however, a powerful black market for the stuff and the Taliban Boss Cocky thought that the nippers were buying it to sniff and forget their considerable woes "Who can blame them" he said "As this joint has become a real sh*thole since we took over". But the children were not sniffing it, as every cloud has a silver lining (avref) and the side benefit was that there are now thousands of Afghan kids using the aftershave to fuel control-line models in the parks and bombed out recreational rubble. Most have UN issued 1.5 cc Taipan diesels, but there is always one poser who turns up with a 2.5 and wants to take everyone on with combat flying (In Kabul they use thrice-used Taliban issued dunny paper as the tail). In this case it is Accchhhmed who has the 2.5 (he is the budding Turbo of Kabul) and who .......... ACCCCHHHHHY'S 2.5, WITH WHICH HE TERRORISES ALL THE KIDS WITH 1.5s (And yes, dear Readers, this does reflect one of Crappy's (many) traumas when he flew control line combat in the parks around Concord).

....... had been electronically matched to Ahlox's musk by an Afghani entrepreneur who distilled it specially from sweat derived from Taliban armpits, mixed with .......

Well, Turbo's steers must be different to Cappy's steers, because mine jump each other regularly and because Cappy is a quite attractive man, they sometimes even eye him off. Sometimes down in the paddock it is worse than being at the BOB on grab-a-grandpa night.

......Ahlo's depiction of old Bob's hair dressing, which was from a prime Angus steer on heat, so ........... (CORRECTION - The management of Wreck Flying are well aware that this should have read "the Captain's suspenders". [NTTIAWWT} MODERATOR 16). EXPLANATION : Meanwhile Ahlox was onto a run of performances that were diened to be so good that it will outlast JC Superstar on Broadway (3,700 days) as Loxie had set up a one-man show playing "Bob at the BOB", 7 nights a week + 5 matinees/week just for pensioners or older (he just takes their uncashed cheques). AUF members are admitted free if they agree to leave their walking frames in the foyer. So as to not run out of material Loxie plays Bob Marley for the 1st 2 hours then Bob Dillon (in sh*tty dreadlocks) for the 2nd half of the show.

..... awarded him the title of "Robber of Loxley". It was supposed to be "Robin of Loxley" but some of the palace wags though it wise to start Chuck's reign with a bit of a giggle, thought that was way funnier, and thought it suited Lox because without his make-up he looks a bit like Dick Turpin on Speed, .... and also because .....

.... a sandwich short of a picnic, because ....

.... voice from above. "Is that you Turbo" he said "Can you give me a few tips on how to land this thing when the Mall is full of people." "Don't worry my son." replied Turbs "They will scatter when they realise that you only have 4% charge remaining, after all, you have been in the air (avref) for all of 10 minutes and you are a .......

..... Loxley appeared as a radical Rastafarian in a play at the Wagga Centre for Fine Arts (known locally as The F'arts), based on the life of Bob Marley, where Lox's part was to play Bob at both ends of his life. As a young Bob he fashioned the $100 bills into tassels as shown in the below photo. As old Bob, Loxie was able to play himself, but will 20 kgs of cow dung plastered into his Archbishopy hair, also see below. The performance was a triumph and Loxley has now been booked to play ......... LOXIE AS YOUNG BOB, ABOUT TO GO ON FROM STAGE RIGHT. He enjoyed the little bit of cross-dressing. LOXIE AS OLD BOB, ALL DUNGED UP ... DOWN ON THE BANKS OF THE MURRUMBIDGEE. He stayed in character and performed Sunday Mass like this last weekend. "It was easier to stay in character than to have to follow & stick my head under another cow" he commented when interviewed by the Daily Advertiser.

.....and said "Yeah no ..... he asked for short back and sides, not a crew cut, and those aren't lice, they are ....

.... and recite biblical quotes. One even became confused with his Sodoms and his Gomorrahs and his Davids and his Goliaths, to the point where he snuck up and started to cut Archbishop Lox's locks. "Steady on mate" ABL said "My name is not Sam, son, but while you are there, I wouldn't mind a short back and sides to make me look more Archy Bishop-like, and to ........

........ and did not really care who or what it smoted. (Even Archbishop Lox was concerned, and he doesn't usually care about too much unless it affects his till). With smote after smote, CN became more callous and was soon despised by .....

........ (in the usual spirit of NES cooperation, Ratty is going to assume that there were .......s at the end of Tink's last post, & that he just ran out of ink) ..... and therefore, with no Ultralites, there were no tyres about which to debate for 200 posts. ("I agree" said Moderator 5 "As I was trying to find a reason to shut down that thread since post #8). Turbo has been known by his mates for some time as the Bob Dylan of our generation (which is a bit strange, as Bob, Turdboy and Ratty ARE of the same generation) and Ed Shearem (a unique dual member of both the Country Music Hall of Fame and the Shearer's Hall of Fame) obviously recognizes Tubb's ability after he heard his version of Blowing in the Wind. Turdboy's name was also proven to be well founded when his discovery of the "Lost Chords" (as admitted above) accidentally crossed over with his unfortunate discovery of the "Brown Noise" and as a result everyone within 1000 m of Turbo when he played it, involuntarily filled their .........

...... is a name long gone in the annals of Aussie aviation (avref) history and unacceptable in modern AUF society (many of the yuppy "plastic fantastic" younger flyers feel unsafe and confronted by the use of such words) which just goes to show that Turbo is now, perhaps increasingly while at his keyboard, recalling yesteryear while fiddling with his .........

.... made the point to his NES colleagues, and to the thousands of local & international NES readers, that Cappy has never been game to even dream about owning a red American Sportscar, let alone feel that amazing torque and the grip that is engendered by the transverse leaf suspension (Cappy has spent his entire life living in the shadow of his great mate Turbo, and picking up an occasional crumb from the Turbine family table) .......... but then again ........

...... even a chick-magnet powerful American sportscar.

AND THERE, DEAR READER, is a prime example of Turbo's lack of connection with the common man (cappyref and bullref) and why Turbo will never be able to relate to those that buy Scratchies in an attempt to lift themselves from their poverty-trap, to thereby step up to purchase a Drifter or a Thruster or one of the other fine aircraft that Turbo has denigrated over recent years. Once Turbo returns from his ceremonial duties at Chuck's Coronation, I will counsel him on being more down-to-earth (avref).

......... there has not been a single case of constipation since .....

Oh well, at least it was a better, eastern, strain of Covid. Anyway, let us rejoice, and thank the Turbo, that Onesie is well again, and that the aviation world is on a level (avref) plane (avpun) again.

The Crapster accepts OT's apology and is aware from several easterner spies behind the lines in WA, that during Onesie's delirium he removed some floorboards and started to dig. After excavating 4 tonnes of sand, somebody was able to get through to him and ask "Why are you doing that?". In his Covid and AstraZeneca fueled, glazed eyed, stupor, he mumbled "bull said there is a coffee shop with a hottie coffee lady down there and I want a piece of the action, even if she doesn't have true-blue WA Aerian blood, and is just a Tasmanian". Help was called and OT was safely coaxed back to bed with the only thing he remembers, which is a few tranquilizer pills, a Liptons teabag and an old stale SAO. (The back-story is that some family prankster had slipped a blue pill in with his panadols). (The front story is that once recovered, OT was heard to ask "Why is there so much sand down my jocks?)

.... sophisticated piece of aviation technology (even if it is a Piper), that even ........