Captain

..... was seen by the music industry (Turbine International Music Publishing had a real problem categorizing him) to be an enigma wrapped in a quandary enshrouded by a conundrum surrounded by a mystery. "There has to be a good song in all that" said Bruce and I bet Bob D could make a beauty of that, but my enigmatic presence will only ..........

....... not make the connection when he naturally played his Fender Stratocaster left-handed and told his lady friend to "Loov, loov me do". So could Nobu Bruce be the love child of Paul and Yoko .......... from a one time tryst in a yellow soobmarine, yeah? "Not a chance" he replied "As my mum - She loves me yeah, yeah, yeah .... and she is not ...........

...... 130 kph without goggles, on my dad's short-track bike, which was powered by a 500 JAP engine ........... hence the name." The NES was stunned. "My real name is Bruce McCartney" said Nobu, "I have redish hair, and I am the fruit of the loins of .........

"Ohhhhhhhhhh, don't you wolly about that Onetlack" leplied Nobu as he bowed deeply with lespect, using a mixture of Jo and Nobu-speak. This made bull plick up his ears, being a Bone boy from the Jo/peanut muncher era (and he fancied Flo for a while too {passionate lovemaking and pumpkin scones have always been bull's weakness, hence the nighttime visits to the coffee lady}).

.... TANBoBoS (The All Nippon Bouncing Bomb Society) who leckon they invented it first & they think I have brabbed, however I can easily prove that this was in the pubric domain, because we used these items up the Yangtze when we attacked ......

......... I gave a speach at the Smithsonian on the plincipals of the Bouncing Bomb, specificary deveroped by Kawasaki Heavy Industlies after a few of their engineers had too much saki, and clied Kawa.......

..... reminded OET and OAC (as well as Ernie, Dave, Kath, Noel, Stan and Doug), of the corroboree noises from the time that they all spent soaking up the culture for months and months in a primitive outback camp, 500 kms north of Leonora & 300 kms west of Nowhere In Particular (NIP). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ("Why you bling me back into this clappy storly?" asked the Nob.) (This all happened soon after the outback war, when OET and OAC had their bleeding stumps giving them both grief .... OAC's from a battlefield amputation in shocking conditions, and OET from some cosmetic surgery he opted for in the groin area, that went pear-shaped in a cheap hospital in Bangladesh). Stan went particularly native and threw off his ABC mantra, his $100 haircuts and his $5000 suits in order to join OET in an evocative ......

..... a character known all over the WA flying scene as One Arm Charlie, who had lost his right arm in the WA Border Wars between Clive Palmer and Marky Mark McGowan. One Arm Charlie (OAC ..... but not the obnoxious lefty AOC with the bad attitude but pretty nice t**s) used to work as a juggler, but his earnings were halved as a result of the war, even though juggling fast & throwing knives at spinning ladies is harder with just one arm. So OAC bought a fleet of 20 Jabirus to start a flying school, before realizing that you need a right arm to fly them. He then bought 20 Logitech toggles in an attempt to emulate the controls in a Sirus or Airbus, but all that did was allow him to be distracted with playing Pakman or Mario Bros on the electronic dashboard. With OET joining OAC to learn to fly, and having to reach over the instructor (sic) to grab his toggle ("Don't worry about crossed controls and all that flying garbage, I bet you can't beat 505 and get Mario to jump 4 levels" was OAC's standard challenge) was a recipe for constant circling and ..........

...... Earnie Dingo, David Gulpallil (respects etc), Kathy Freeman, Noel Pearson, Stan Grant and Neville Bonner (respects etc). "That why you keep falling over, eh, One Emu Track (OET)?" said Dave (respects etc) "You only make'n one track because you only got one leg, and you too silly to even .......

.... new flannel shirts for life, plus participation in The Voice ........

.... that they make the Taliban look like handsome .......

...... he asked Turdboy, another well-known bomb-chucker (figuratively speaking of course, ..... although his figure is nothing to write home about), for asylum in Moorabbistan, a request which was .....

................ just to continue with the happy-go-lucky half of his radicalization, making good money mining Lapis Lazuli up the Beckah Valley, living the good life up the Khyber (the couple of affluent Afghans do that a bit), and smelling the Afghan roses poppies. But eventually his bad side (the 1st time it had ever been seen in Cappy's distinguished life ..... so the bad 50% radicalization must have been pretty effective), he decided to consult with his Aussie Taliban brothers in western Sydney and around Moorabbin, who had been in OZ for a couple of years to form sleeper cells, but instead they had gone on the dole, slept most of the day, and bought Harleys ......... to form the Hells Prophets outlaw motorcycle gang (prospects were only allowed to ride Tata scooters). They had all developed an Aussie sense of humour (Afghan blokes can be real dags) "We'd blow up Parramatta and whiff up the people on the Harbour Bridge", so Cappy did. But when he did, the tourists on the Harbour Bridge said "What are you doing whiffing down there, and the great Taliban Sydney Harbour Bridge Whiff Attack (infamously always to be known as the TGTSHBWA) was reported in the SMH as a ..........

...... put his fingers in his ears and called out "Nah, Nah, Nah, nah nah" and other phrase book translations all the way through his training. He really enjoyed making the bombs with fencing wire fuses and the sound of the AK's was like music to his .......

..... money and Cappy designed an award-winning promotional campaign, stolen borrowed from Turbine Advertising, which showed a handsome virile young red Rat, rampant, on the label of cans of drink laced with Afghani heroin washings, and promoted on several Formula 1 cars, 6 MotoGP teams, the Red Rat Air Races and every other insanely expensive sporting event you can think of (he even took on platinum sponsorship of the Moorabbin Sewer Rats VFL Team [of which Turbo is Patron])..... but the Coup de Grace (or even the Coup de Madge [or the Coup de Coffee Lady]) was that El Ratto was also able to .........

.... every 3rd flick, a finger gets damaged and every 6th attempt to start, a finger is lost, particularly when using the razor-sharp titanium props off the 12,500 American drones that were left as departure gifts for the T'ban. As a result, several hundred Afghan kiddies, who were using the titanium props (as supplied to the US military by Wilkinson Sword) would never again know the pleasure of picking their noses in the Afghan dust, or of picking their ........ ONE OF THE MOST DEDICATED TITANIUM PROP FLICKERS IN KABUL. "No worries" he said "I'll just do it left-handed from here on. Plus, I'm going to join into a Class Action against Wilkinson Sword, as there is a big quid to be made.".

...... be provided as a UN aid package to Afghanistan, to be used as aftershave in an attempt to have Taliban guys concentrate on the ladies and not on the goats. There was, however, a powerful black market for the stuff and the Taliban Boss Cocky thought that the nippers were buying it to sniff and forget their considerable woes "Who can blame them" he said "As this joint has become a real sh*thole since we took over". But the children were not sniffing it, as every cloud has a silver lining (avref) and the side benefit was that there are now thousands of Afghan kids using the aftershave to fuel control-line models in the parks and bombed out recreational rubble. Most have UN issued 1.5 cc Taipan diesels, but there is always one poser who turns up with a 2.5 and wants to take everyone on with combat flying (In Kabul they use thrice-used Taliban issued dunny paper as the tail). In this case it is Accchhhmed who has the 2.5 (he is the budding Turbo of Kabul) and who .......... ACCCCHHHHHY'S 2.5, WITH WHICH HE TERRORISES ALL THE KIDS WITH 1.5s (And yes, dear Readers, this does reflect one of Crappy's (many) traumas when he flew control line combat in the parks around Concord).

....... had been electronically matched to Ahlox's musk by an Afghani entrepreneur who distilled it specially from sweat derived from Taliban armpits, mixed with .......

Well, Turbo's steers must be different to Cappy's steers, because mine jump each other regularly and because Cappy is a quite attractive man, they sometimes even eye him off. Sometimes down in the paddock it is worse than being at the BOB on grab-a-grandpa night.

......Ahlo's depiction of old Bob's hair dressing, which was from a prime Angus steer on heat, so ........... (CORRECTION - The management of Wreck Flying are well aware that this should have read "the Captain's suspenders". [NTTIAWWT} MODERATOR 16). EXPLANATION : Meanwhile Ahlox was onto a run of performances that were diened to be so good that it will outlast JC Superstar on Broadway (3,700 days) as Loxie had set up a one-man show playing "Bob at the BOB", 7 nights a week + 5 matinees/week just for pensioners or older (he just takes their uncashed cheques). AUF members are admitted free if they agree to leave their walking frames in the foyer. So as to not run out of material Loxie plays Bob Marley for the 1st 2 hours then Bob Dillon (in sh*tty dreadlocks) for the 2nd half of the show.

..... awarded him the title of "Robber of Loxley". It was supposed to be "Robin of Loxley" but some of the palace wags though it wise to start Chuck's reign with a bit of a giggle, thought that was way funnier, and thought it suited Lox because without his make-up he looks a bit like Dick Turpin on Speed, .... and also because .....

.... a sandwich short of a picnic, because ....

.... voice from above. "Is that you Turbo" he said "Can you give me a few tips on how to land this thing when the Mall is full of people." "Don't worry my son." replied Turbs "They will scatter when they realise that you only have 4% charge remaining, after all, you have been in the air (avref) for all of 10 minutes and you are a .......

..... Loxley appeared as a radical Rastafarian in a play at the Wagga Centre for Fine Arts (known locally as The F'arts), based on the life of Bob Marley, where Lox's part was to play Bob at both ends of his life. As a young Bob he fashioned the $100 bills into tassels as shown in the below photo. As old Bob, Loxie was able to play himself, but will 20 kgs of cow dung plastered into his Archbishopy hair, also see below. The performance was a triumph and Loxley has now been booked to play ......... LOXIE AS YOUNG BOB, ABOUT TO GO ON FROM STAGE RIGHT. He enjoyed the little bit of cross-dressing. LOXIE AS OLD BOB, ALL DUNGED UP ... DOWN ON THE BANKS OF THE MURRUMBIDGEE. He stayed in character and performed Sunday Mass like this last weekend. "It was easier to stay in character than to have to follow & stick my head under another cow" he commented when interviewed by the Daily Advertiser.

.....and said "Yeah no ..... he asked for short back and sides, not a crew cut, and those aren't lice, they are ....