The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

......advise us that ScoMo takes his orders from Alan Jones, ther fires were an LNP plot, climate change did it and the tipping point had come early although they were not sure what the tipping point was, that this was the armageddon forecast. The Labor spin doctors dragged Albo up to the fire front, with their TV cameras. Make Up ruffled his hair and did their best to smooth the wrinkles out of his suit, and filmed him, (without a fire suit on btw) looking over his shoulder as if the fire could reverse direction, increase from its 300 mm height, and engulf him and said "The Prime Minister should be here!" (as he look nervously behind again), but he fled, fled to Hawaii; he should be here like ME and a ha ha slipped out as he ran out of words. Albo wasn't able to tell us all what exactly he was doing, but was later filmed with that cocked head, testy look saying "He's not here yet!" The NES leaves him there with Make Up ruffling his hair a bit more so he could start on the "Is he here yet?" stage. Meanwhile, on Waikiki Beach, ScoMo was playing netball when the phone rang for the sixth time "YOU HAVE TO GET BACK" yelled Macca. "What for?" asked ScoMo, Gladys is running the show; we can't just step in and start ordering NSW CFS around......can we?"  "No" responded Macca but everyone THINKS you can and that's what counts." 

 

"I know that" said ScoMo, but the longer I wait the higher we'll go in the polls as Albo runs out of steam, and I arrive home, the weather changes, the fires go out and everyone says 'Scomo did it', this is politics Macca; we need to wait for the weather report, and Gladys needs.......

 

 

[Captain]

........ at least one good one before she ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

....dons a fire suit and steps up to the fire.......and then calls for Albo to put his money where his mouth is and get into a fire suit and.....

 

 

[Captain]

....dons a fire suit and steps up to the fire.......and then calls for Albo to put his money where his mouth is and get into a fire suit but .....

 

........ don him to it & Albo continued to look like an inner city lefty that bull, in his previous guise used to eat for brekky.

 

But then Albo struck a cord, when as ususl he worried about the disadvantaged & downtrodden, so surrounded himself with Penny & Kristina before announcing that our borders would be opened in order to take refugees from the Zhosa/ Palestinian conflict that was sweeping thru Durban. "It's the least we can .......

 

 

[onetrack]

......do, because we need more firefighters!" Meanwhile, the Queenslanders wrote to complain about the amount of trees left standing in Qld, that only provided more fuel for more fires - and how if Joh Bjelke-Petersen was still alive, he'd have used his 50 bulldozers in his business to flatten every tree in Qld, and thereby remove any possible chance of bushfire - and make JBP extremely wealthy at the same time.

 

They'd write that if NSW was being run by JBP, instead of that miserable-looking excuse of a woman politician, the Blue Mountains would have been chained and clear-felled by now, thus affording a wonderful view of all those Great Dividing Range valleys, and increasing the tourist potential exponentially, because the Blue Mountains would now resemble Monument Valley in AZ - where you'll notice, the threat of bushfire is totally non-existent, thanks to the early widespread use of bulldozers with clearing chains.

 

Meantimes, Scott, back from his shortchanged holiday break, decided he'd like to get airborne again, so he could continue to look down on his voters, and also to imagine that he was still flying away on holidays.

 

Accordingly, he thought it would be a great idea to ride along on the Coulson 737 air tanker.

 

He worked out, he could get also great media coverage by being seen to be at the firefront with the real firefighters - the pilots of the 737 - and he reckoned he could probably wangle to be videoed pressing the button to empty the retardant tank, thus showing the voters he was actually doing his bit to stop the fires.

 

"That's a brilliant idea, Scott", said Turboplanner, who had seen great opportunity in the bushfires himself, and who'd wangled himself a media consultancy position within Cabinet. "But if you like, I could present an even better opportunity by..........

 

 

[Captain]

"That's a brilliant idea, Scott", said Turboplanner, who had seen great opportunity in the bushfires himself, and who'd wangled himself a media consultancy position within Cabinet. "But if you like, I could present an even better opportunity by..........

 

…..….. using the Coulson 737 as a photo Op and then we use it to fly (avref) back to the hulla skirt clad shielas in Hawaii. You'll get your deposit back on the holiday and we can stay there for a few days debauching."

 

"Are you sure this is a good plan, Turbo, my quiet little Aussie mate?" asked Scotty "But I do like the idea of getting my deposit back from that shared AirB&B (partavref) joint.

 

"No worries PM, old mate" replied Turbo " As this is how long it takes to turn that 737 around and besides, we could only afford 20 litres of that red stuff that gives the water that colour, so the CFS is saving up for another 20 L drum after we repair AhRocksoff's crappy appliance, then we'll ………….

 

WE THINK AHLO IS A BIT OF A WHINGER EXPECTING FULLY OPERATIONAL EQUIPMENT TO FIGHT FIRES ……………………… A CALOUS MODERATOR

 

 

[turboplanner]

.......get a photo op with you under the truck and a spanner poking out the side, and you'll slide out (don't worry about that, we'll pull you out with the Land Cruiser if we have to), and you'll be talking to camera with an African American face, shiny white teeth and waving the spanner to show you're involved, then say something like "They tell me Albo was up on the fireline without a regulation fire suit on; what a callous regard for CFS standards, and....."

 

 

[Captain]

.......get a photo op with you under the truck and a spanner poking out the side, and you'll slide out (don't worry about that, we'll pull you out with the Land Cruiser if we have to), and you'll be talking to camera with an African American face, shiny white teeth and waving the spanner to show you're involved, then say something like "They tell me Albo was up on the fireline without a regulation fire suit on; what a callous regard for CFS standards, and....."

 

………… no, I'm not doing a Justin Trudeau impersonation (although Justin does do a good impersonation himself of being Justine Trudeau when he's having one of his little bitch session with Emmanuel Macron en francais …………………….. and I'll tell you something else about Emmanuel Macron (or Emma as the diplomatic community calls him)" said Scott. "The best thing about Macron is his missus".

 

"How dare you say that" yelled Greta.

 

"Oh, put a kipper in it Greta. Geeeeez you are becoming a pain." volunteered bull "And …..

 

 

[onetrack]

.....while you're at it, don't ride around 1st class in trains, and try to make it look like you're riding on the roof of an Indian train". 

 

"How dare you say that!", yelled Greta. "Don't you know that that train was being pedalled by climate activists, to avoid the use of coal-fired electricity!".

 

Meantimes, an investigation was being launched as to how Albo got into the fireline in his creased suit, let alone a firesuit.

 

"We need to see if this constitutes a severe infringement of OHS standards in fire zones", said a NSW Fire Service mouthpiece, who declined to offer her name, as she was speaking "off the record".

 

"I mean to say, a creased suit just isn't on, when you're in a fire zone. We need to maintain standards, and this politician is currently lowering those standards, not raising them!"

 

"Politicians offer pretty low standards at the best of times", Cappy was heard to mutter in the background. "Who said that??", interjected Albos media representative.

 

"I demand that person present themselves right now!"

 

"Not bluddy likely", muttered Cappy again. "The last time I presented.......

 

 

[Captain]

 

"Not bluddy likely", muttered Cappy again. "The last time I presented

 

..... myself with my dacks on I got knighted so I don't want that again as a double knighthood will make it harder to interact with my "ordinary" mates on the NES, but on the other hand it might give me a better chance with Brigitte Macron (or "sweetheart" as I call her) and then I'll .....

 

 

[Captain]

Below is the picture of Brigitte that she gave to Cappy to carry in his 17th century platinum & diamond locket thingy around his neck (and close to his heart). I post this just in case any of the other NESers are asleep at the wheel, Brigitte-wise.

 

And why wouldn't she see a fit & bronzed Aussie flyboy in the prime of his life, as a lay down misère compared to Emma ze Surrender-Monkey?

 

 

"That's understandable I reckon" said the 1st Nation's Native Australian Scone Cook (who was back in OZ after playing ruckman (and having a blinder … he kicked 3.11.29 which is pretty good out of the ruck), in the game against Zanu PF) as it's comparable with how I find the west-coast-girls, and that's why I wrote the song …………..

 

https://player.vimeo.com/video/160554553?app_id=122963

 

 

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

....Doof Doof” Turbo thought it would be some time before it became a hit.

 

Captain had treated us to a nostalgic walk down memory lane. Her Majesty told Turbo she’d crossed her fingers each time she’d knighted him so it didn’t matter; she’d keep doing it as long as he kept bringing those jars of Kapooka honey. As for the scrubber he drooled over, don’t tell him but the babes at the Grong Gring BNS ball would leave her for dead and speak....

 

 

[Captain]

....Doof Doof” Turbo thought it would be some time before it became a hit.

 

Captain had treated us to a nostalgic walk down memory lane. Her Majesty told Turbo she’d crossed her fingers each time she’d knighted him so it didn’t matter; she’d keep doing it as long as he kept bringing those jars of Kapooka honey. As for the scrubber he drooled over, don’t tell him but the babes at the Grong Gring BNS ball would leave her for dead and speak....

 

.... ing about the GG Scrubbers, Cappy had previouly tried to weave his magic on them but the knockbacks were brutal. And none of them, except Her Madge, understood the aphrodisiacal powers of Kapooka Manuka, however Brigitte understood it only too well, for ze mange-ing but also for ze rubbing on ze ........

 

 

[turboplanner]

........it was at this point that he woke up with his hand on the cat.

 

It wasn’t his cat; it was grey with an ugly sunken face and looked a nasty piece of work. With claws extended and a snarl it lashed out at Cappy and caught him on the pinky. Knighthoods were no longer on his mind and.....

 

[Captain]

........it was at this point that he woke up with his hand on the cat.

 

It wasn’t his cat; it was grey with an ugly sunken face and looked a nasty piece of work. With claws extended and a snarl it lashed out at Cappy and caught him on the pinky. Knighthoods were no longer on his mind and.....

 

....... when he looked, it wasn't pink any more.

 

The infection was devastating but Brigitte offered to fly in (she is so posh that she operates her own Concorde [which the Skipper bought for her, so don't tell Emma]) and suck the poison out.

 

The Captain was so crook that he thought that this might be the end (of his end) and he therefore called Brigitte to say "........

 

Le chat that caused le problem. What a piquer.

 

 

 

[turboplanner]

".........Il pleut dans mon coer ontil I zee you"

 

But Brigitte was no fool: "I had to brush Trump off" she thought "and that was easy; this old geeser, Sir Lacelot Spratt or whatever he called himself will be a pushover."

 

But she had not reckoned with the undoubted charm of Turbo's mate the Captain, who bought her a dozen .............

 

 

[onetrack]

....... of his educational schoolbooks, to show her, he really had attended a proper school, and had attempted to graduate, despite only reaching Grade 5 by age 13.

 

The cunning old Rat knew Brigitte had been a former schoolteacher, and he really wanted to impress her.

 

What was more important, Cappy wanted to wear his best pressed school shorts and school tie in her presence, and get her to spank him.

 

Not many people knew, but Cappy enjoyed a regular good spanking by women dressed as teachers, and particularly, older women teachers.

 

This was apart from spanking himself regularly - which wasn't as much fun as looking forward to getting dressed up his school uniform, and getting spanked by Brigitte.

 

Cappy was so eager to start a spanking session with Brigitte, he.........

 

 

[Captain]

Just a brief clarification. Cappy has not been allowed to wear shorts since he was 12, for obvious reasons. Not even Billabong Boardies he said with false modesty. As stated above, the reason was obvious if you saw part of him in shorts. Onesie could not possibly be aware of this as he lives on a planet far far away and has only seen Cappy in his commando gear when he went.......

 

 

[Captain]

Cappy was so eager to start a spanking session with Brigitte, he.........

 

..... always remembered his instructor (before he first soloed after 2.3 hours) always saying "That was a spanking good landing". So he always continued in that .......

 

 

[onetrack]

.....belief that a good spanking led to even better landings. As such, he planned to ask Brigitte to give him a good spanking every time he took off, fully believing his landings got better, as a result.

 

But as soon as Brigitte landed in her personal Concorde, Cappy turned into a dribbling, incoherent mess as soon as she greeted him. In the flesh, she was absolutely stunning, and with a ruler in her hand, even more so.

 

Cappy gibbered, "I ... uhhh .... errr.... oooohh.... Bonjour, Madame Macron!". "Bonjour, Monsieur Cappy, I hear lots of goood theengs about you - mostly about your love of schoolink! (because Brigitte spoke reasonable English, with a cute Froggie accent, of course - that made Cappy go weak at the knees).

 

Cappy, dribbling, replied, "I .... uhhhh...... errrr...... ummmm.......

 

 

[Captain]

By way of further explanation, Brigitte loved Cappys mind even more than his body, for his sense of humour really got her going. An example was when he left the Union Jack on one side of her Concorde and had all announcements made in Aussie English, particularly when the Skipper would announce on each flight "Welcome aboard Bridge, sorry that your seat is over the wing (Concorde joke) We are heading down to OZ, so buckle up as it's time for me to push some scenery past the windows, if we don't have a prang on takeoff that is"

 

 

[Captain]

"Bouclez vers le haut et culottes vers le bas" Bridge would respond and everyone would have a good old multi-national chuckle as the Concorde sped her towards her beloved Capitaine de Aussie, while he made sure that she didn't bump into Turbs, Onesie or bull or she would surely dump the Skipper for more prime meat (but he wasn't so worried about HiHo or planey), however, then again .......

 

 

[bull]

anything can happen,,,and it did...………...

 

 

[turboplanner]

..............when Turbo was getting off a flight from the Bahamas and saw Brigitte's aircraft parked on the apron. "I wonder what that old beten up 19th Century jet is doing here" he thought., then out stepped Brigitte and Cappy arm in arm.  "Hi Brig (he knew her from the old days when he holidayed in Cannes every year), Hi Cappy, how's the hip replacement going?, taking your pills?,, another new hairpiece? The Captain scowled and looked around for a place, any place to hide, but Turbo was quicker; "Hey Brig, come up to the Qantas club as my guest"......and she was off like a greyhound at Albion Park. Poor old Cappy, thought he was in the cady store but found out it was the crapper. He walked......

 

 

[Captain]

anything can happen,,,and it did...………...

 

"I know" responde Le capitaine Incredable "is it any wonder that I'm so bitter and feel so let down (avref), and all just after I committed to a 5 year maintenance contract on the Concorde too. But then again, easy cum easy go I guess .......

 

THE CONCORDE, WITH BRIDGE ON BOARD, LANDING AT KAPOOKA INTERNATIONAL. IT MIGHT HAVE TROUBLE WITH STRIP LENGTH GETTING INTO NATFLY (OR WHATEVER IT IS CALLED NOW) BUT THERE IS PLENTY OF WING TO SLEEP UNDER (NOT THAT BRIDGE WILL LET ME SLEEP).