The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........plan was to just stall if the press came sniffing around, and sure enough ................

......... 4 Corners gave him a call, looking to stick the knife into him, as Turbo and Rupert have a lot in common (Rupert has Fox News and Turbo has the mange that he got from a manky fox).

 

Turbs had always fancied Louise Milligan & Sally Neighbour (separately or together he often fantasized) so he ............

Edited September 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........drew on some of the recent posts of lockdown evaders, and blitzed them to the point where they ran out of questions, and the producers can be heard on camera giving them prompts, which Turbo demolished, and ten started in on the scandals of the TV network, which he'd found out about from the young chick in reception who had recognised Turbo from his film days.

Within a few days .................................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Within a few days .........

.......... the wholesome young lassie on reception had spread all around town that Dirk Bogarde was in the building, as he and Turbo have a striking resemblance.

 

However she then needed to publish a correction as nobody wanted to see or smell Dirk, who has been dead for 22 years, so she stated that all is OK and Tubb just smells a bit like tinea because of the mange, but he is very much alive although he does rattle when he breathes, (however not as badly as Dirk does during a Californian earthquake).

 

Turbo, doing his best Dirk Bogarde impression, lolling in his Vette, while smoking a durry with his arm around the receptionist, was a poster on the walls of many young and impressionable ...........

Edited September 9, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

Is this Dirk or Turbo?

 

I can't tell, although I think Turbo's head is bigger (perhaps because of the success of TI).

 

[onetrack]

....men - who ultimately failed to realise that Dirk was as unquestionably queer as a 3-dollar note. But Turbo was deeply offended by his so-called "mate" insinuating that he was somewhat "poofy", and their relationship was strained, until Cappy apologised for insinuating Turbo was more DC than AC (NTTMOC).

 

However, there was still the major inquiry into the DDV product preparation problems to be dealt with. The claims that he'd infringed the Food Act 1984 (VIC). The photos of the unsavoury-looking product preparations areas that made the industry inspectors recoil in horror. I mean to say, copper tubs for product preparation, in 2021?

 

But Turbo had engaged the cleverest lawyers in Australia to defend the charges. It just happened to be coincidental that the legal eagles were based in Wagga, and it was unfortunate the legal company name was "Cook, Crook and Took". But that was nothing compared to their record, which was.......

 

 

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, onetrack said:

But Turbo had engaged the cleverest lawyers in Australia to defend the charges. It just happened to be coincidental that the legal eagles were based in Wagga, and it was unfortunate the legal company name was "Cook, Crook and Took". But that was nothing compared to their record, which was.......

...... jolly good from a CC&T insider's point of view.

 

"We have many successful cases & clients" said Cappy in a prepared statement "They may have bugger all money after we finish with them, but just look on the bright side .............

Edited September 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........We pay some of our taxes and we are contributing to Australia's GDP. 

The strategy devised to get Trackbine out was based on the 1938 Abrolhos Islands case where a group of crabbers contracted to suppy Cook Industries with fesh crabmeat, the only problem being CI had never been crabbing in their life and were unaware that Abrokhos crabs were nocturnal, so couldn't see to catch them.

CC&T had won the case by pointiing out that the order did not specify Nocturnal Abrohhos Crabs, just Abrohols Crabs and since there were no daylight species the contract was null and void, and not only that but ................

[onetrack]

.....there were serious concerns over whether the contract specified the Abrohhos Islands, the Abrohols Islands, the Abrokos Islands, or the Abrolhos Islands, as the spelling varied from page to page, and paragraph to paragraph.

 

Finally, it was determined that it was probably the little-known AboBros Islands, which of course, were fully owned under Native Title by the local Munjari Tribe - and who weren't included as a party to the contract, making things rather awkward for Cappy - particularly when local crab meat was regarded as a delicacy, and outsiders were lucky to even get a bite, when any were caught.

 

However, CC&T had managed to avoid this bad turn of events by ensuring the Munjari tribe were sent the wrong date for the trial, thus ensuring it was won by default. Cappy was quite pleased at the outcome - but the costs to win were high, and he had to try and find a way to recoup them. Finally, he figured out that............

[turboplanner]

..................the Munjari Tribe documentation throughout had referred to the tribe as First Nations, which as we all know is the name of the Indigenous nations (who were real nations) who live to this day in Canada around Vancouver and the United States as far south as Seattle and which didn't exist in the AboBros Islands, and furthermore its leader Alf Munjari was of Irish/Albanian descent and the peer reviewed Norman Tindale 1940 map Aboriginal Tribes of Australia showed the AboBros Islands owned by the AboBros tribe whose fish traps were found to be thousands of years old. CC&T, on behalf of Trackbine sent an expose to the Commonwealth Government and Alf was forced to give back the $47 million in grants to the Munjari Education and Employment Trust. Trackbine were given a $20 million finder's fee by the Commonwealth, CC&T gave them a discount and only charged $17 million, and everyone was happy except ...........

[bull]

.....Bull ,,who had run out of fuel in the jackaroo and had made a emergency landing along a creek bed,slowly climbing out of his machine  Bull was despondent and depressed and sat down on the creek bed to think.  After several hours of self reflection Bull finally got up, but as he did so his foot kicked a little rock over and underneath it was this..  Holy toledo batman this at todays gold prices will make those corperate scum from turdbine ind and onetrack corperation  grind their teeth ..........

Edited September 9, 2021 by bull

[turboplanner]

.......and like a famous Australian Olympian, bull sailed past the financial genii, bought himself a $20,000 two story mansion on the Derwent with his own entrance from the street, and started looking around for something to fly [avref].............

[Captain]

50 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......and like a famous Australian Olympian, bull sailed past the financial genii, bought himself a $20,000 two story mansion on the Derwent with his own entrance from the street, and started looking around for something to fly [avref].............

......... the details and background of which was picked up by the Crash Comic, Australian Flying and the Hobart Herald, all running the story written by bull's ghost writer (the leading bloke or blokette from Turbine Ghost Writers for Hire Pty Ltd (TGWFHPL)).

 

"bull is the Stephen Bradbury of our time" the article commenced, as Australia needs a new super-hero (other than Dan) in these tough times. "Let's hope he doesn't become corrupted or managed by one of those new spiv fly-by-night (avref) Corporations from Vic or SandMonkeyVille (SMV).

 

"I will use my newfound wealth only for good" bull is quoted as saying "And my 1st good deed shall be to meet all of Eeeeaaannn's costs to come back from SA into the bosom of Mextoristan democracy, and next I will ........... 

Edited September 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...........donate a prize of $50,000 for the first person to show me a Tasmanian Tiger.

 

Turbo went to a Magic Shop and bought a disguise and a set of "one size fits all" electric false teeth, bought two metres of two inch chain from Bunnings, went home and sprayed stripes on Ringer, his Kangaroo dog, hammered a stake into the chain out the front of bull's place clipped Ringer to it, slipped the false teeth in and switched them on and just had enough time to step away and look fearful and bull came out.

 

"What's your name?" asked bull. "BRUCE" replied Turbo in a deep voice "I win the prize."

 

bull looked doubtfully and Ringer and the stripes, but there was no doubting those teeth and the animal was clearly hostile as evidenced by the big chain and the huge teeth which were going "clickClickClickClick CLIck CLICk,CLICK,CLICK!"

bull started back realising this was the real deal, and he could probably make millions cross breeding it for the puppy farms, so he ............................

[onetrack]

......promptly offered Turbo $50,000 for his Kangaroo dog with the false teeth, and Turbo agreed to sell it to him on the spot. The money changed hands and Turbo was gone in seconds, like a greyhound after it spotted a lure. 

Bull was quite pleased with his purchase - but as he went to pat the 'roo dog, the false teeth fell out, and the awful realisation struck, that he'd been had - and a big slice of his gold nugget find was now irretrievably gone.

 

Bull was stunned, he couldn't believe he'd been conned so easily, he was as sharp as any other Taswegian, after living there for 2 years. He should've seen the teeth didn't quite match the Tassie Tiger teeth, and the jaw wasn't as big as it should've been.

 

He sat down on his front steps in a fit of gloom, and pondered what he could do. Kangaroo dogs were worth nothing in Tasmania, there wasn't enough room for them to reach top speed. And the 'roos were in much lower numbers than the mainland, too, with only the odd Forester kangaroo to be seen.

 

Suddenly, an idea came to him. If that bloke Bruce could make a 'roo dog look like something it wasn't, then he might be able to do the same, by........

[turboplanner]

.....more engineering of Ringer, so he washed the stripes off and started supergluing chunks of Merino wool on Ringer, picked up a set of horns from the local knackery and ....................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....more engineering of Ringer, so he washed the stripes off and started supergluing chunks of Merino wool on Ringer, picked up a set of horns from the local knackery and ....................

...... left the false teeth in.

 

However once the paleontologist from the Uni de Tasmanie (note the ongoing influence of the French dudes that had been sniffing around Tasmania when the joint was 1st discovered ..... which is why french kissing is still so popular down there, even to this day) examined the animal, bull realized the magnitude of Turbo's con-job (CJ) as the false teeth were in the wrong end and the dog had a permanent smile when he cocked his left leg and a fearsome frown when cocking his right.

 

For this reason bull felt that he had no option, other than to ...........

Edited September 10, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........offer the animal on an unknown condition "as is" basis for an asking price of $125,000.

Ringer was bought by Launceston Disc Jockey Rap Rat, who featured Ringer on the Rap Rat Show on Channel 1 Tasmania. withing hours every 14 YO chick had a baby's rattle down her knickers and doing a scene on TokTok. Rap Rat's views reached 3.7 billion around the world and he was buying the rattlers from China for 50 cents and selling them for $14.99 by the million.  

 

Bull was picking up a $1 licence fee and had become a multi-millionaire, but it went to his head and he ...................

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Bull was picking up a $1 licence fee and had become a multi-millionaire, but it went to his head and he .........

.......... decided to join the SAAA and buy, not earn, a PPL with a twin engine & a single pilot twin turbine (engineavref not Turboavref) endorsement with plans for buying a new big-time King Air 360 and all (how big-headed and difficult/smart-arsed (SAAAref) is that?), then he also bought the dog back in order to ....

Edited September 10, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

a new big-time King Air 360

SIDE NOTE - As per Turdy's above post, the money to buy the 360 and the necessary endorsements was a doddle for bull ("Petty Cash" he described it as). The big issue came when he tried to circumvent all approvals to extend & pave his bush strip. It was going pretty well until Bob Brown and the Anti-Everything Party (the A-EP) got wind of the fact that bull was intending to fill in the top 5 kms of the Derwent & flatten most of the Mount Dromedary Forest Reserve.

bull was very surprised when nobody accepted his statements about "It's just progress you clowns" and "This will generate jobs for the lower strata masses", plus cash offers achieved nothing, but luckily, bull had always been a very attractive chap (to both sexes - NTTIAWWT) and a deal was done.

Edited September 10, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

.......and Bull,s new airport started to take shape and the tenders had already gone out and one of the main contractors was Turbine industries who was front and centre for the job until a video turned up on utube showing some of his best safety advisers on a good day....This did not impress Bull nor the investors ,so they awarded the contract to................                         {alleged video  of Turdo,s prime safety inspectors]

 

[onetrack]

....Trackbine Industries, a proven operator from the West, with a great track (pun intended) record of major projects finished on time, and under budget. OT and his team ripped into the job and had it completed faster and more efficiently than even Wagners Wellcamp Airport. In addition, OT threw in a 2000-person quarantine centre for free, to ensure that Tasmania stayed completely disease-free. 

 

"Wow, that's just fantastic!", cried bull as he admired his new setup. "Ahh, that's nothing, we do this kind of thing all the time over in the West, you know? We have massive airports in the middle of Nowhere, where you wouldn't even expect an airport!"

 

However, right about then, bull received a summons. It wasn't good news. It was a charge of being in possession of suspected stolen gold, taken from an area that he hadn't even pegged, and he was also charged with taking gold without a prospecting licence! Bull went quite pale as he read the summons - this wasn't good news, and he'd heard about how cold Risdon Prison was, and he had visions of sharing a cell with......

 

 

 

(And dear NES readers, just to show Trackbine Industries huge capabilities, here's a recent shot of just one of our minor airport construction projects. The area where the airport is, was previously a sizeable mountain range)

 

 

 

Edited September 10, 2021 by onetrack

[bull]

Ot.......who Bull had just found another video this time of Trackbine ind, and suddenly realised this could save him ,            So Bull slyly released the video

to the OHS and fired up the jackaroo and fled to............

[bull]

But it was all mute ,as the country had decended into civil war with the vaxxed out hunting and killing the unvaxxed and the unvaxxed resistance began fighting back against the imperialistic vaxxed brigade.  One thing these vaxers did not count on was the unvaxed using the vaxed same argument about risk and risk reduction.. seeing as vaccinated people where thinking they where invunerable and out spreading the cov .   Well Bull remembered that that island Tasmania has NO cases and NO lockdowns, so he strapped on a couple of outboard fuel tanks to the jackaroo and headed south .   The fallout from this was that...............

[Captain]

2 hours ago, bull said:

and headed south .   The fallout from this was that.....

...., as usual, Turbo pointed out the bleeding obvious. "Does bull realise that when heading south, the next bit to land on is white?"

 

OT, who had authored a land claim over the eastern bits of 'Tarctica, with a plan to rename it "Trackville", was wary that bull had his mind set on .....

[bull]

.on opening up a world Quarantine centre with a capacity of 50000 financed by the WHO, as the cold stops the vaccine going bad.  Nah said Bull ,nothing to do with the vaccine ,it is just to keep those pesky Qlders out as you know they can not stand the cold. And after pullachook said that Qld hospitals where for Qlders ,well locals have noone to blame ,they voted the turd back in [or maybe not as daddy gave the chinese our voter rolls] and will have to live with the chook tough........

Edited September 11, 2021 by bull