The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

..... the Japanese pearl divers .....

[turboplanner]

........got hungry and started shooting swans any time they flew over Broome. The little so and sos broke the cardinal rule of hunting "Only ever shoot what you can eat". and Broome was covered in rotting swan carcases for months until the Mayor of Broome, Jack the Mouth said "I don't give a flying XXX [avref] about Japanese" and pumped chlorine gas into their air lines. He got rid of the Japanese but the Japanese Air Force bombd Darwin the next night, and, NES readers, that started...............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

He got rid of the Japanese but the Japanese Air Force bombd Darwin the next night, and, NES readers, that started........

..... the long running debate about the effects of chlorine gas, napalm, general purpose explosives and the odd naval battle on Climate Change.

 

The official view of the Japanese government was that a bit of smoke & a few dozen bombs around Darwin was nothing more than the ancient practice "burning country" ("By bombing Darlin, we were contlibuting to the cultulal wellbeing of the native popuration" said the Japanese Ambassador at the time), while in Schveden, Greta's grandmother was pretty wound up about what the Germans had been doing (bombs, smoke, mustard gas and chlorine-wise), but more importantly she gave a speech belting up the Allies for selfishly flying so many bombers into Chermany ("And why did you western capitalist pigs need to crash so many of them, just because they were hit by a bit of flack and a few little fighters .... blah, blah, blah?" she added) at the 1943 ........

Edited October 9, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

37 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... the long running debate about the effects of chlorine gas, napalm, general purpose explosives and the odd naval battle on Climate Change.

 

The official view of the Japanese government was that a bit of smoke & a few dozen bombs around Darwin was nothing more than the ancient practice "burning country" ("By bombing Darlin, we were contlibuting to the cultulal wellbeing of the native popuration" said the Japanese Ambassador at the time), while in Schveden, Greta's grandmother was pretty wound up about what the Germans had been doing (bombs, smoke, mustard gas and chlorine-wise), but more importantly she gave a speech belting up the Allies for selfishly flying so many bombers into Chermany ("And why did you western capitalist pigs need to crash so many of them, just because they were hit by a bit of flack and a few little fighters .... blah, blah, blah?" she added) at the 1943 ........

......Climate Change convention, where millions of people were freezing and wondered when the Ice Age would come.

Speakers at that seminar included...........

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......Climate Change convention, where millions of people were freezing and wondered when the Ice Age would come.

Speakers at that seminar included...........

..... a couple of little known local players called Joey Starlin and a little Austrian bloke with a funny tash who I think might have been called something like Dolph Hitman or the like.

 

Joey spoke about the next "Ice Age" as he had just walked from St Petersburg through the desolate countryside with newspaper in his shoes and with nothing to eat (to assist younger NES readers to understand, it was like Mextoria under Dan, but not quite so bad) and Joey's main message to the Convention was ..........

 

JOEY GIVING THE "COME-ON" SIGN TO GRETA'S NANNA.

 

 

 

THIS OTHER BLOKE GAVE A SPEECH TOO, BUT NOBODY CAN REMEMBER HIS NAME.

(NOTE HIS UNCANNY RESEMBLANCE TO TURBO, AND THE SAME SHORTS TOO.)

(TURBO ALSO PLAYS WITH HIMSELF LEFT HANDED LIKE THAT AS WELL).

Edited October 9, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......he'd soon fix the GW problem, right after he fixed up those annoying warlike Hun neighbours. The solution was simple, by the time he eliminated about 150 million of the people who opposed him, they wouldn't be driving cars, burning coal, or otherwise making nasty, ozone-damaging gases, so the GW problem would go away by itself.

 

However, Cappy was soon in trouble, because he'd been identified as a copious gas-emitter. "It's those sauerkraut and caramelised onion sandwiches that I love so much, that are the main reason for the huge gas problem", Cappy explained. "Corn-fed horses have got nothing on me for gas production - they don't just wear masks around me, they wear gas-masks!"

 

"Well, we'll have to address this problem promptly", said Turbo. "Not only does that sort of problem ruin your social life, it adds to..........

 

Edited October 10, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Well, we'll have to address this problem promptly", said Turbo. "Not only does that sort of problem ruin your social life, it adds to.........

...... your laundry bill.

 

A key example of that is that Dolph (family name still unknown) had to change his lederhosen regularly as everyone always thought that he was full of XXXX & wind, but nobody was game enough to tell him once he had the SS and the Brown Shirts in place.

 

It should be noted here that the same thing applies, even today, with the Fuhrer - Marky Mark McGitler in WA as he considers his next attack on the Sudetenland (the WA (and Afrikaans) name for South Australia).

 

The similarities between Marky Mark and Dolph H, Dan and Joey S, and comparison of SA's Marshmellow with Nev Chamberpot (Peace in our Time/No Covid in our Time etc) were all stark and .......

 

BELOW ARE A FEW EXAMPLES.

Edited October 10, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....naked, unable to come up with new ideas, and just repeating the same mistakes.

For example, in the Sudetenland (funny how an old name quickly catches on, spelling  mistakes and all)  Steven "Patton" Marshall was talking to his Sudetenland (previously the boring South Australia) subjects, who, based on recent ethnic claims were 98% "First People" too, urging them to fight the hordes of heathen from the west. Not one of them has a compass which points eat" he said, so most of them will finish up in Darwin anyway" He was to later regret his underestimate of General One Track, but now was telling the loyal people how as soon as Victoria had recruited 2,000 Indians to come in and assist at their hospitals which had been overrun by Covid, the Sudetenland SAS, had grabbed 1200 of them and were even now marching them across the border, and .......

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....naked, unable to come up with new ideas, and just repeating the same mistakes.

For example, in the Sudetenland (funny how an old name quickly catches on, spelling  mistakes and all)  Steven "Patton" Marshall was talking to his Sudetenland (previously the boring South Australia) subjects, who, based on recent ethnic claims were 98% "First People" too, urging them to fight the hordes of heathen from the west. Not one of them has a com pass which points eat" he said, so most of them will finish up in Darwin anyway" He was to later regret his underestimate of General One Track, but now was telling the loyal people how as soon as Victoria had recruited 2,000 Indians to come in and assist at their hospitals which had been overrun by Covid, the Sudetenland SAS, had grabbed 1200 of them and were even now marching them across the border, and .......

.... would be used as support dancers in the next Adelaide Festival, as it is well known in Sudetenland that every time there is a problem, such as a failed State budget, Covid or WW2, that it can all be solved with another Festival down by the Torrens (and another suck on the GST tit - NTTIAWWTBTW).

 

However Steve objected to Turbo's reference to cannibalism in the middle of his post as he thinks it is only Labor and the Greens that eat their own. "We may well string those WA types up on fences like we do with foxes, but we will not eat 'em" he said in a written clarification.

 

This gave a clear mandate for SAPol and VicPol to combine into a mighty body of suppression and 50,000 pairs of jack-boots were therefore ordered from Turbine Bootmakers and BDSM Pty Ltd, where the factory was .......

Edited October 10, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........running overtime making boots under licence to RM Williams. “We wanted RMs“ said the VSPol spin doctor “ because at heart we are just a bunch of cowboys” she said. 
The stringing up started in WA and Marks started to panic but General OneTrack told him not to be a wimp and.......

[Captain]

26 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The stringing up started in WA and Marks started to panic but General OneTrack told him not to be a wimp and.......

.... that General OneTrack (who is a 4 Scar General [as he fell over a lot as a kiddie]) would call his counterpart in the Sudetenland military (who lives in a semi-detached hovel in Nth Adelaide, but close to the main site for Festivals and Food Expos) if there is any danger that Marky Mark might be liable to use the Catapult codes, which would .......

 

WA HAVE A BIG ONE OF THESE MOUNTED IN A TREE AT EUCLA

Edited October 10, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

Change the potential battle outcome since the WA population count in threes to......

[onetrack]

.....three millions, because they're all big thinkers, who think outside the box, as Twiggy Forrest can attest. "We can easily defeat those screaming, COVID-infected hordes from the East, as they try to scale the No 1 and No 2 Rabbit Proof Fences, in their haste to desert those disease-riddled Eastern States, to come to the bright and sunny, and disease-free W.A.!", Twiggy said, at his latest media interview.

 

"All we need to do, is install a huge border wall, just like Donald Trump did to defeat the Mexicans entering the U.S. In addition, we'll make the Eastern States pay for the wall - because it will be located on Australian soil, and therefore jointly owned by all Australians. And because I like building the biggest of everything, this wall will outstrip the Great Wall of China, and become a major tourist attraction in its own right!"

 

"And we won't even have to let the screaming hordes in! - they can view the wall from the South Australian side, and wonder in awe at what goes on behind it in W.A.! This is a win-win deal for W.A.!"

 

At this stage, Turbo spoke up. "My company, "Turbine Walls Inc, has extensive experience in wall construction - we were there when the Donald was in full swing on the Mexican Wall building. Unfortunately, we've had a bit of a downturn in the wall-building business since those Democrats got elected, so I have teams and equipment ready to roll at a moments notice, just as soon as you say the word!"

 

But Twiggy replied with scorn, "We don't need any Eastern States-based wall builders to build our W.A. Wall! I have everything that W.A. needs, in the shape of the Fortescue Wall Building, Hydrogen Generating, and General Mining company - who can not only build the Border Wall for W.A. - but we'll also be able to strip out any strategic minerals we find while we're building the Wall, and generate millions of tonnes of Hydrogen, as we turn the Wall into a one giant Hydrogen Generator at the same time as it acts as a screaming hordes deterrent!"

 

Turbo was quite put out by this rebuff by Twiggy, and set about trying to.........

 

Edited October 11, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

23 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Turbo was quite put out by this rebuff by Twiggy, and set about trying to.........

.... buy his own PhD in wall building. (Final paperwork for the PhD needed to be redone when it said, under the University seal "Dr Turdbine").

 

But if there is one thing that the Twigster's Wall Building, Hydrogen Generating, and General Mining Company, and the blandly named Turbine Walls Inc, are jointly afraid would enter this competitive environment, it was that Trackbine Maginot Line Pty Ltd would take them on to upgrade the Rabbit Fence as well as the Dingo Fence.

 

The Twigster and Turdboy did a spoonfull (each) in a Zoom (avref) call when they heard that TMLPL were on the tender list but Twiggy winked at Turbo (who is very attractive - NTTIAWWT) as he knew that this shouldn't ultimately be a big issue because "Tenders" in WA are always a bit ........

 

(Cappy spent a lot of time in WA building Collie Power Station and a few mines, so he is well aware of the ethics of WA Inc)

 

WHAT IS PLANNED BY TMLPL FOR THE RABBIT FENCE

 

 

AND THE APPROVED TMLPL PLAN FOR THE DINGO FENCE

Although the flatness of the Nullarbor might be a bit of an issue.

Edited October 11, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........loose. They realised afterwards their mistake. Turbo had only PRETENDED to do the study in wall building. He already employed Trump’s previous wall builder and after all how hard was it to build a wall. He was in fact setting up Turbine Tunnel Boring and within a month had constructed a network of tunnels, since he had all the wall drawings, some tunnels even big enough to drive semi trailers, and it wasn’t long before Turbine-Woolworths Freightlines was hauling fruit and veg to Freo shops Tariff-free.

Marky............

 

[Captain]

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and it wasn’t long before Turbine-Woolworths Freightlines was hauling fruit and veg to Freo shops Tariff-free.

Marky............

...... Mark then imposed a smartarse restriction that all of Tubb's drivers needed a negative Covid test no more that 10 minutes before they arrived in Eucla, which forced Turbine Covid Testers & Laboratory Animal Infectors PLC to mobilise .......

[turboplanner]

........and refuse to test anyone.

They still talk about the night the President of the Balcatta RSL was told he wasn’t getting his New England Waugh 12 inch steak because of Marky’s edict. “ WHO THE XXXX DOES HE THINK HE IS” thundered the President “HITLER!?”

Marky froze; the plastic surgery, the elocution lessons, the new hairstyle - surely ...,,.......

[Captain]

26 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........and refuse to test anyone.

They still talk about the night the President of the Balcatta RSL was told he wasn’t getting his New England Waugh 12 inch steak because of Marky’s edict. “ WHO THE XXXX DOES HE THINK HE IS” thundered the President “HITLER!?”

Marky froze; the plastic surgery, the elocution lessons, the new hairstyle - surely ...,,.......

........ that was enough to disguise the facts that he was in lederhosen (with his left hand fiddling away like Turbo does) had an Iron Cross around his neck and was adorned with a rather hot and eager Eva Braun on his arm.

 

The mention of the H word in polite (and apartheid) WA society was enough to ........

 

THE VERY CROSS THAT HE WORE

Edited October 11, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....make Mark blanche. He actually detested Hitler, because he believed Hitler wasn't strict enough. Not to mention his name got raised too often in forum arguments. Mark much preferred to be likened to Kim Jong-un, and have W.A. likened to North Korea, and himself referred to as "Supreme Leader" - as Dominic Perottet was known to often repeat.

 

Mark went on, "What that Perottet douchebag doesn't know, is that we've got most of Australias Uranium here, and we can build missiles in our Henderson shipyards as fast as we can knock out 100M ferries! If he wants to keep putting us down and starting a NSW - W.A. War - we've not only got General Onetrack, we've got the ability to decimate those running dog capitalists in NSW with a barrage of missiles from W.A., that he won't even see coming! I'm going to make that clown concede a lot more, than just a swag of the GST income to W.A.!"

 

Turbo and Cappy became quite alarmed at the deterioration in relationships between NSW and W.A. - and the potential for serious losses to their combined incomes as a result of any NSW - W.A. War.

"We'll have to start some diplomatic negotiations on some common ground, at a universally agreed meeting point!, said Cappy. And where better than to have that meeting point, than Marree? - which is already nearly the end of the Earth - and who better to send as a diplomatic delegate, than that well-known Tasmanian with the superb diplomacy skills - bull! Just look at his avatar, if you want to see diplomacy in......... 

 

 

Edited October 11, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

...... action.

 

"I nominate Adam Goodes" said Domenic.

 

"Well, in that case I nominate Ben Cousins" replied Marky Mark "With Eddie Betts as his seconder".

 

"If a seconder is needed, then I nominate Martin Bryant" replied Dom who was obviously no longer mucking about "If that does not happen to also be bull, as you never know on a forum whom is whom, and in a similar vein, I guess that even Turbo could be Ivan Millat, even though Ivan is kaput."

 

The negotiations began with Adam running at the other side with a replay of his discussions with the 14 year old girl at the MCG and Eddie countered with kicking a goal from the forward pocket, then .........

 

THE NEGOTIATIONS OPENED ON A VERY OPTIMISTIC NOTE

 

 

 

Edited October 11, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....everyone looked puzzled as Adam grabbed his forearm on the wrong side, which has a completely different meaning to gripping it on the other side.

 

"Oh, I see", said Cappy, he's using the Haka arm movement to start the discussions - that's going to go down well with the Supreme Leader of NK-WA - because Mark's convinced Perrottet is on the warpath, and Mark is just the bloke to see off any foot-stamping, thigh-slapping, eye-rolling diplomatic efforts to tone down the previously warlike language!"

 

As Adam started his discussions by poking his tongue out, bull had to pull him back down as the first shot rang out. It was Mark, operating his 40mm Bofors, intent on knocking off Perrottet's emissary.

"Gee, this blokes actually serious!", said bull. "What are we gunna do?" said Adam, quaking in fear as he crouched behind a rock.

 

"I know someone we can call to sort this out", said bull. But as bull went to dial the number, a ..........

 

(and Dear NES readers, just to remind you, this is how Marky looks when he's on the warpath, and means business.......)

[turboplanner]

.......stray shell hit nearby and everyone was on the ground. This was serious................

[Captain]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......stray shell hit nearby and everyone was on the ground. This was a serious................

...... frightener, as the white shorts soon revealed.

 

"I can never work out why the Navy chose white, as it always shows the .......

[turboplanner]

".....salty sea water" said Admiral Epaulette, who was quite miffed at hardly ever making the pages of the NES, even though Biggles was an orange boy compared to the prodigious macho actions of Ep. One of his young female students admitted she was frightened of flying; Ep. immediately threw the litte Jab LSA 55 into a roll and said "Well what about this then" That cured her fear of aircraft; she never went near one again, and instead ..................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

That cured her fear of aircraft; she never went near one again, and instead ........

..... she joined the CTWC.

 

The Central Tasmanian Witches Coven had first been established as a No Liability organisation in .....

Edited October 11, 2021 by Captain