The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

..........stepped out one night to relieve himself and realised too late he had opened the gate to the croc pen by mistake. Two crocs moved closer and eyed him carefully then look at each other as if to say "We've got a KFC Barrel here!" (it was back in those days. Turbo had been attacked in a pen full of rams one day, and got out by tickling them under the chins, so he tried this on the two crocs who became confused for just long enough to allow Turbo to flash back out through the gate.

 

After he calmed down he realised that even the Mark 2 boots made by the Jewish bootmaker probably weren't croc proof and a shiver went down his ...............

[CT9000]

.....back as his mind returned to past posts and realized that the engine in a 1941 Ford Prefect is a side valve. About as powerful as a side valve Morry engine.......

 

 

 

       Side note does any NES reader remember why side valve engines are not all that suited to aviation??? 

 

                         ( captain I thought I would just chuck that one in for fun )

[turboplanner]

...........which is saying about as powerful as old Dad after a dinner of Roast Lamb and mint sauce or ........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, CT9000 said:

Side note does any NES reader remember why side valve engines are not all that suited to aviation???

( captain I thought I would just chuck that one in for fun )

It is simple CT.

 

With the extra weight of the valves and offset of that big flat head (Turboref), with a side-valve engine mounted in an aircraft (avref) they fly port wing down and therefore fly around in ever decreasing circles, which gets boring and is even worse than when flying off your 1st 5 hours in a 19 class AUF aircraft.

 

Therefore X-Country flight was only possible once overhead valves were invented.

 

Some say that this is incorrect and that X-Country flight was enabled after Rotax released their 2-stroke engines, and that is partly correct, but in reality this was only possible until they locked up or whiskered a plug, however this resulted in pilots with great skill in outlandings and eaking best rate-of-glide out of a ragwing brick.

 

Here endeth the lesson.

Edited September 30, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

In other words a Thruster or Drifter you look between your knees 'coz thats where you are going. I heard it said that a Thruster pilot can throw his keys out at the moment the fan stops and from 5000 ft. will land exactly one aeroplane length past the keys.

Howzat for thread drift ??? steering back to aviation !!!

[CT9000]

Another point on the trusty old side valve, most of the combustion energy is expended trying to blow the head off the block not push the piston down.

[Captain]

42 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

In other words a Thruster or Drifter you look between your knees 'coz thats where you are going. I heard it said that a Thruster pilot can throw his keys out at the moment the fan stops and from 5000 ft. will land exactly one aeroplane length past the keys.

Howzat for thread drift ??? steering back to aviation !!!

As a wise old aviator (avref) once said "The glide ration is the f'n glide ratio, mate"

 

And as a further explanation, he eruditely added "I fly a sailplane with a 45:1 glide ratio and I also fly a ragwing brick with a 5:1 glide ratio. There is no difference between the two. Just fly the aircraft to its best glide performance and there is only one difference to get them safely down, and that is that the brick will win the race. (the obvious caveat on that is Turbine Aviation's latest advances where their new fangled aircraft can be parked at set heights AMSL).

Edited September 30, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...........which is saying about as powerful as old Dad after a dinner of Roast Lamb and mint sauce or ........

..... a Chicko roll with baked beans, in which case old Dad is ......

[onetrack]

......going to get extra wind up his a***, when he next gets airborne, which will make for more interesting flying. Meantimes, CT was pulling an old sidevalve Morry engine apart to see if he could improve on the design, to get much more power out of it, and to stop all the combustive effort from blowing the head off.

 

"If D-motor can do, surely I can!", he muttered to himself. "I've worked on enough Victa lawnmowers, Honda pumps, Briggs & Strattons, and sidevalve motorbikes to be able to nut something out!"

 

Suddenly, a light bulb moment went off in his head. "Of course!! That's it!! I can use a ...............

 

Edited September 30, 2021 by onetrack

[bull]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

That's it!! I can use a motor out of Mavis,s shark vacuum cleaner [she wont notice ,said Cappy , she never does the carpets lol] and if i borrow OT,s ...............

 

[CT9000]

.....and it sucks and blows? Kind of like upgrading to a turbine. Now to the problem of finding enough power cord........

[turboplanner]

........and CT had hit the nail on the head for anything electric; cars with a range of 300 km coming to stop simply because the driver put his foot down to pass a B Double, an electric aircraft which broke world records, but with no mention of the four man crew in a LandCruiser pulling a Generator trailer that would light Townsville.

 

Fortunately all these problems could be solved by Cords on the Fly, a Turbine Aerospace company which supplies power cords 300 kilometres long. You never have to unplug from home; just plug into the special socket in the aircraft and you can fly forever or until your bladder blows, and ..............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Fortunately all these problems could be solved by Cords on the Fly, a Turbine Aerospace company which supplies power cords 300 kilometers long. You never have to unplug from home; just plug into the special socket in the aircraft and you can fly forever or until your bladder blows, and ......

..... this solved the problem for all frustrated AUF pilots who had always wanted, but could not obtain, their turbine endorsement (Turbo has one but few other are sufficiently skilled to even spell Pratt & Whitney (although many had their 1st one while looking at a centerfold of Whitney Houston), & even spelling "turbine" (the spinny aroundy one not the Corvette one) is a bridge too far for some of them).

 

The sticking point now, however, was to obtain a Cord endorsement (a CE) ("It's the spring loaded retractor for a 300 km cord that is the only real problem which needs careful management by the pilot" said a spokesperson), but thankfully Turbine Aerospace (or T-Arse for short) offers an endorsement on a fag packet with every cord sale, so the only remaining issue is .......

 

THE TYPE OF WHITNEY PHOTO THAT DID IT FOR MANY AUF MEMBERS

 

ALTHOUGH THIS GETS SOME GOING TOO.

Edited September 30, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

......you also had to understand basic arithmetic because the cord has a mass of 1/2 kilo per M. Also the voltage drop using OHMS law where P=ExI and      E=IxR . The R value will depend on the inductive load using power factor {dynamic}. Assuming 0.8 for an electric motor. So using some assumptions as follows    For a single phase supply of 240volt 30 horsepower motor.      30 horsepower at 746 watts per hp is 22.38Kw. using our formula I =P/E

gives us over 93 amps which is a lot for a 10 amp cord. You are about to crash and burn

[turboplanner]

and CT just rambled on with mot technical sh!t. Turbo had supplied these lines to the stars of Hollywood, and Sheiks in countries where the coefficient of dragging the cord across thsand as you flew was 0.335, however he was over all these rules. We don't need them. P=EXL for example. BS! if I'm going to P I P, I don't need to follow a rule. This is all CASA's fault - a thousand Czars dancing  Hopak and smoking cigars. "I just went ahead and built a XXXXXXX power cord" he said at a press conference.

"How many volts is it?" asked a young female black asian journalist. "240 of course you idiot!" yelled Turbo, "what do you think it should be" and he made a face like Tom Tate.

"Does it have a safety switch?" asked the jouranist, who was gaining respect in the crowd.

"No, we had to keep the price down" replied Turbo, not realising the trap. "Well what happens when the insulation is worn off by being dragged over deserts and streets and back yards" she asked. "It still works" replied Turbo with another Tom Tate smile.

"Well uninsulated 240 volt cable can kill people it touches" suggested the journalist. "Of course it can!" replied Turbo. "Didn't your mother tell you never to touch power poimts and stuff? If someone is silly enough not to get out of the way and it kills them that't their fault; they should have looked where they were going!"

The crowd dispersed and ...... 

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"Well uninsulated 240 volt cable can kill people it touches" suggested the journalist. "Of course it can!" replied Turbo. "Didn't your mother tell you never to touch power poimts and stuff? If someone is silly enough not to get out of the way and it kills them that't their fault; they should have looked where they were going!"

The crowd dispersed and ......

...... the aviation industry applauded.

 

"We have faith in Turbo" they chanted "He can solve all of the cord weight and coefficiant of friction palava. CT's post is 1900's thinking, so ohm schmohm".

 

And just then Turbo announced his master-stroke (although some unkind wag said that that is what he may have been doing when he thought of this).

 

"Turbine Industries will combine in a JV with Charlie Dyson to make & market a certified UL & AUF endorsed engine that spins at 66,000 rpm to be fed by a power cord made from lithium trisulphate that is lighter then air and .............

Edited October 1, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

.......then he woke up  " with solution in hand "  ......

[Captain]

48 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

.......then he woke up  " with solution in hand "  ......

.......... because Dyson and Turbo have pooled their hand sanitizer solution formulae.

 

"If Dyson's stuff can clean the pom's hands, then it should work well down here in the jewel of the Sth Pacific." commented Turbo.

 

And Col Dyson had a similar view when he tipped a bucket on the cleanliness of Darraweit Guim by inferring that ......

Edited October 1, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

.covid cases would go down if they used more sanitiser [Althought the total covid cases in Darraweit Guim  was zero and had been from the start of this plandamic] Of course it will help save lives and the life of the solitary stray dog in Darraweit Guim ..Now we had betterr get all those un......................... 

[onetrack]

.......circumised individuals who pose a threat to the rest of the community thanks to their increased ability for disease transmission, to roll up for their.........

[bull]

..snip , and take one for the community sake ,,........just think of others that your status effects and the impact that that has on everyone .  Plus your yellowey gooey dis..................

[CT9000]

......cussion is making it very hard {earth ref} to steer back to aviation.......

 

    Special report from Darraweit Guim regional airport, a visiting pilot queried why not shoot some of the kangaroos that make it hard to find a spot to land. And the answer is that beer is made from hops so we cannot shorten the supply line.

[Captain]

2 hours ago, CT9000 said:

.....cussion is making it very hard {earth ref} to steer back to aviation.......

...... as OT's recent circumcision post was just a crass promotion for Trackbine's Snip and Tuck P/L who use traditional methods, which makes them more acceptable to the yuppie under 30's, and with the new gender equality laws TS&TPL have been flooded with circumcision applications by 6 genders and a herd of sheep that were looking for a cheap mulesing service.

 

TS&TPL had bought up the Aussie supply of traditional surgical equipment, had built their own midden and had started to ...... 

 

THE BELOW PHOTO OF THE SURGICAL DEVICES IS COPIED FROM THE TS&TPL PROSPECTUS THAT IS SOON TO BE RELEASED. THE USE OF THESE TRADITIONAL UNSTERILISED INSTRUMENTS LEAVES A VERY INTERESTING VARIGATED FINISH TO THE SNIP.

Edited October 2, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........go into operations when the anti vaxxers jumped at this non-invasive treatment, and .................

[Captain]

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........go into operations when the anti vaxxers jumped at this non-invasive treatment, and .................

..... as a result all labor state premiers extended their mandate to include that all residents of Qld, WA & Mextoria must be either circumcised or mulesed, whether they need it or not.

 

This upset the ...........