The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

........1852. It was a robust, but very secretive organisation which flourished in Tasmania which still operates on mid-1850s regulations for all Councils and many buildings. Not many people know that CTWC campaigned (in secret of course) for a Casino in Hobart, and this more than anything else brought Tasmania into the 20th Century. Today CTWC are the largest shareholders in Wrest point Casino, Crown Casino and Star Casinos, and regularly bring in Oriental high flyers for their gratification. CTWC Ltd was the model constitution for RAA Ltd, after Epaulette got involved in some Masquerade parties and they showed him he photos they'd taken, and then ...............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........1852. It was a robust, but very secretive organisation which flourished in Tasmania which still operates on mid-1850s regulations for all Councils and many buildings. Not many people know that CTWC campaigned (in secret of course) for a Casino in Hobart, and this more than anything else brought Tasmania into the 20th Century. Today CTWC are the largest shareholders in Wrest point Casino, Crown Casino and Star Casinos, and regularly bring in Oriental high flyers for their gratification. CTWC Ltd was the model constitution for RAA Ltd, after Epaulette got involved in some Masquerade parties and they showed him he photos they'd taken, and then ...............

...... the Constitution became an international model (NaomiCampbellref) which was quickly adopted by Guinea-Bissau, California, the Spratleys and ......

 

 

NAOMI STILL LOOKED PRETTY GOOD THE LAST TIME THAT

CAPPY HAD DINNER WITH HER, ALTHOUGH SHE IS GETTING

ON A BIT NOW (THIS PHOTO TAKEN BY CAPPY'S PHONE BEFORE

THE JEDI KNOCKED HER BACK AGAIN ..... FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME)

Edited October 11, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....W.A. However, there was a lot of discussion as to whether Naomi was really a witch, or just acted like one. "It doesn't matter", said Turbo. "The important part is that the witches get their broomsticks made by Turbine Witches Broomsticks & Other Flying Devices Inc (TWB&OFDI), so that they are areodynamically correct, which will mean that they they fly properly, and the witches don't zoom all over the sky, looking like they're out of control, as shown in most cartoons".

 

"It's also extremely important that the seats on the witches broomsticks are carefully designed and shaped to fit witches derrières - by Turbine Broom Seating & Upholstery Inc (TBS&UI) - because there's nothing worse than a witch with a sore arse, to produce some of the nastiest spells!"

 

"Speaking of witches", said Cappy, has anyone seen........

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Speaking of witches", said Cappy, has anyone seen........

.... the seat that I bought off Naomi's broom. I paid a lazy $250 Aussie shekels for that and a little less for Elle's, but I must confess that I do like ...... 

[onetrack]

......those brooms that TWB&OFDI manufacture, and I was wondering if it was possible for Turbo to manufacture one to suit a Jedi Rat Wizard. Of course, there'd have to be room made for my wand in the build, as I'm lost without it - and it just wouldn't feel right, if I launched without my wand."

 

"Maaate", said Turbo, "TWB&OFDI can build anything that flies, we had a big contract with Boeing before they got into strife and cut back on subcontractors, so we had to turn to the CTWC Ltd for additional income - but since we did that, things have really taken off!" (pun intended, he grinned).

 

"That is just great, Mate!", said Cappy - "But tell, me do you provide a choice of materials for seating and upholstery, as I have this...........

[bull]

rather strange shaped .........

 

[Captain]

8 hours ago, bull said:

rather strange shaped .........

 

..... lump, that .....

[turboplanner]

....keeps going flat.

While this exciting repartee had been going on Turbo had reached out to his business partners.

There was a trend developing; Elon Musk had sent up a spacecraft theoretically into space, which like the IPC and climate change, Nasa had quick readjusted so that they hadn't actually reached space.

Then Jeff Bezos had stuck one up NASA by sending his spacecraft well outside the spec ring.

Turbo wanted to go th the moon to shut these Nourveau Riche up, so he called a meeting and the outcome was that on a date to be announced, bull, CT, OT, Cappy and Turbo will be launching into space to start a small colony on the moon. Spokesperson, Captain Jack Cook, a descendent of the famous Captain Jim Cook who sailed to Hawaii, announced that planning had started with the purchase of six dozen bottles of Gin and hire of sixteen floosies.

After a short break, Mr One Track announced that he was the new Spokesperson, and advised that the Moon vehicle to be used was being launched now to check it's suitablility, as people may have noticed from today's TV News stories.

It is intended ........

[Captain]

50 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"It is intended ......

...... that this "Colony" of bull, CT, OT, Cappy and Turbo NOT involve any examples of medium to industrial strength gay moon practices (NTTIAWWT), nor that those 5 be allowed to bore everyone to death, so a suitable quotient of ladies, aviation reading materials & an old Flight Sim program are being selected, for transport with them on the moon shot, and this should all ensure that ..........

Edited October 12, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....the astronauts eat well, qualify for a PhD on return and are able to fly the space ship home.

Without those three things ...........

[onetrack]

.....they would be stuck on the Moon forever. "As a matter of interest, I'd like to know where all these people are going to live on the Moon?", noted Cappy, with some concern. "I mean, they speak of a 'colony', but a colony needs comfortable, roomy accommodation, and a secure place that protects them from space debris! How are they going to achieve this?"

 

OT, as spokesperson, said; "We're taking a 27 foot Viscount Supreme, tri-axle caravan with us. Everyone who has done any amount of touring in this wide brown land, knows the comfort and protection you get in a Viscount 'van, they have a long pedigree of building high quality mobile accommodation. I can personally attest to the build quality of Viscount 'vans, because I've owned three Viscount Supremes, and they provided sterling service. In addition, it will tow beautifully behind the moon buggy, and the tri-axle setup is ideal to smooth out that rough Moon surface".

 

"Hang on", said one TV journo, "How are you actually going to get this Viscount to the Moon? It's not like you could just hook it up to a rocket, and tow it there?"

 

"We have the caravan delivery process all perfected", said OT. "First off, we build a bigger rocket than either Bezos or Musk. I come from W.A. where everything is bigger and better - kind of like the Texas of Australia, so to speak. Secondly, we have this........

 

 

(And to keep the Dear NES readers in the loop, I'll just slip in a family shot of my favourite 'van, in a typical enjoyable OT holiday setting from the '70's ....)

 

 

Edited October 13, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

...........Australians swooned over the magnificent Viscount and its powerful Kingswood towing vehicle, the double decker bunks and that nostalgic White and Yellow colour scheme which flashed along the highways of yesterday.

 

Jut think what could have been found if the US Astronauts had taken a Kingswood up there; Neil Armstrong wouldn't have had to admit to taking one small step if he had the power of the Kingswood!

 

Turbo hesitated, but then admitted they had found accommodation on the Moon. There was an ancient colony of aliens which built houses on the dark side of the moon. These were the Black people, sometimes known as the Illuminati.

 

They visited earth, landing in the Black Forest in Germany. Their main food was Black Pudding which they introduced to the German people who they cross-bred with, but all were eventually wiped out by the Black Plague which they spread throughout Europe becaise people hadn't gt themselves vaccinated. There's a lesson there.

 

Colonel Willis Turbine who had been seconded to the US Army which was racing towards Berlin in 1945 made this discovery when he saw some furtive Nazi officers coming out of a cave. He waited until they were gone, went in and found thousands of documents and photos showing the colony on the Moon and the huge rockets used to travel.

 

Dr Werner von Baun was half-Black person and Colonel Turbine chased up the group of Nazis, caught them and had them sent to Arizona, where the US Space programme was begun.

 

Today Turbine Space Inc. has the knowledge to ................

 

[Old Black People's colony on the black side of the moon]

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Today Turbine Space Inc. has the knowledge to ................

....... supply all of the raw feed that is needed by Turbine Gorgonzola Ltd and Trackbine Mozzarella NL.

 

The problem with this was that cute little black & white dairy moo-cows, worldwide, were now partly surplus to the world's needs, so are being knocked on the head in increasing numbers.

 

This then means that Dairy Farms are being closed down across the country, which gives Viscount owners less Farmstays on which to go on holidays, however for those that do exist, there are less cow pats to drive through or to step in.

 

This connection between Turbine Space Inc and less cow pats throughout OZ, has further implications (particularly around DG) that ........

 

AN EXAMPLE OF ONE OF THE CUTE LITTLE MOO-COWS THAT TURBINE SPACE INC

ARE KILLING WORLDWIDE. TURBINE AMMO SUPPLIES ALSO PROVIDE THE CARTRIDGES.

 

FOR OUR CITY BASED NES'ERS, HERE IS A COW PAT BEING ACCIDENTALLY STEPPED IN.

Edited October 13, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....are directly related to the amount of cheese being produced and eaten. As everyone knows, the Moon is made of cheese, and once the Moon colony is established, mining of Moon Cheese will be commenced immediately, and OT as the leading and highly experienced mining magnate of the group, will be in charge of cheese mining.

 

It was most unfortunate for Turbo, that his Turbine Gorgonzola Ltd conglomerate was the under-bidder in the Moon Cheese offers-to-purchase contract, and Trackbine Mozzarella NL has agreed to a Moon Cheese supply contract with Twiggy Forrests' Fortescue Group.

 

A few people may be aware that Twiggys interests also extend to farming and beef on a large scale, and Moon Cheese, sold under the Fortescue brand, will be another winner both for Twiggy and OT combined.

 

The subtle flavour of the Moon Cheese has to be tasted to be believed, and the amount available is virtually limitless - sort of like W.A.'s iron ore. In addition, thanks to the lack of gravity on the Moon, mining of the cheese will only require toy shovels, and the costs will be so low, that the cheese producers on Earth will have to.........

[turboplanner]

.......milk the cows three times a day.

TGL had to think fast, and within days had produced a new brand for their cheese, "Coon" and it started selling like hotcakes as housewives went for the old familiar brand.

 

It wasn't long before the Rascist Board stepped in and told TGL to take it off the market because it might cause offence to some people.

"This cheese comes from the Moon" said Turbo, and "Moon" is already taken. Besides there are no known previous races other than the Black People Colony to be offended and they are long since extinct.............

 

 

And so Coon .............

Edited October 14, 2021 by turboplanner

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

And so Coon .......

..... became Noom, on the insistence of Turbine Political Correctness Inc who are also consulting to the Commonwealth Bank under their new feelgood "Go Woke - Go Broke" mantra.

 

But ComBank's new policies were a minor issue once the Turbine Space Inc cheese quarry on the Moon became larger than the SuperPit (WAref and AlanBondref) and the moon started to wobble (Turbine'sgutsref) on its axis (3axiscontrolsref).

 

Turbs shrugged off the risk, but at the same time he tasked a team of 43 lawyers to check his insurance policies in case the wobble caused the Moon to bugger off out of Earth Orbit.

 

"Don't worry" said bull supportively while buying more TSI shares "As tides are a pain in the arse, anyway".

 

The moon and the Colony thereon were .......

 

ON THE MOON THE PIT IS BIGGER THAN THIS AND ALL YELLOW.

THERE IS ALSO A BILLBOARD AT THE BACK THAT SAYS "EAT NOOM CHEESE".

THE MOON WOBBLE HAS ALSO CAUSED CHEESE SLIPS ON THE OTHER SIDE

DUE TO TECTONIC INSTABILITY IN THE RICH GORGONZOLLA SECTION.

 

TURBINE MARKETING LOST NO TIME. GEEEEZ THEY ARE GOOD.

 

IS IT ANY WONDER THAT THE BLOODY THING IS WOBBLING.

TSI'S IRRESPONSIBLE MINING PRACTICES HAVE BEEN CONDEMNED BY THE UN.

Edited October 14, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........on shky ground until bull came up with the idea of a giant gyroscope to stabilise the Moon, and the conglomerates carved out just about all the cheese inside the moon's surface, which caused.........

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........on shaky ground until bull came up with the idea of a giant gyroscope to stabilize the Moon, and the conglomerates carved out just about all the cheese inside the moon's surface, which caused.........

Spelling and other corrections by the NES Editor

..... a cheese glut that caused a price dip (not a cheese dip ... see below), which ........

 

A CHEESE DIP

 

 

 

TURBO (WITH HIS MUTT) ON ONE OF HIS QUALITY CONTROL VISITS TO

HIS HOLDINGS (100%) ON THE MOON. (THESE HOLDINGS HAVE NOW BEEN DISGUISED

THRU A SHAM COMPANY IN THE CAMAN ISLANDS.)

Edited October 14, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

.a massive tidal shift back on earth, with former million dollar properties underwater and formally shit back blocks have now become beachfront.   As can be expected Turbine industries was heavily involved in the expansion and formation [avref] of the new Turbine coastal properties.  Now this upset............

[Captain]

23 minutes ago, bull said:

Now this upset............

..... all of the yuppies in Brighton who now commute in submarines, yet the Turbine beachfront properties at Darraweit Guim are already a real estate award winner and the construction of the canal developments have commenced, with initial construction following each of the 5 holy rivers.

 

Turbine Pontoons and Boat-Lifts Inc have commenced construction of 1500 units, so that all properties on the canals will be ............

Edited October 14, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

will be eco friendly ,they each will be fitted with longdrop t................

Edited October 14, 2021 by bull

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, bull said:

will be eco friendly ,they each will be fitted with.....

...... a 100 m high wind tower, 200 commercial solar panels, 500 packets of condoms (NTTIAWWT), and as Turbine so often says "..........

 

EVERYONE LIVING ALONG THE DG "THUNBERG MEMORIAL CANALS" IS GOING TO FEEL

LIKE A BRAVE AND GLORIOUS ECO-WARRIOR WHEN THEY LOOK OUTSIDE AND SEE THIS

MAGNIFICENT VISTA. GRETA WILL BE SO PLEASED.

Edited October 14, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

but the animal liberationests cried faol ,and said what about the hundreds of migrating birds those things will kill .  And the noise as the bearings start to wear and the oil leaks and fires and collapeses and of course the non productivity days [when the wind stops] or blows too fast causeing overspeed events and fires etc 

will suddenly put extra pressure apon the domestic electrical system......The furor was so load even turdo put his headset on. This is .............

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, bull said:

The furor was so load even turdo put his headset on. This is .......

........ normal in preparation for when Tubb's time comes to address the UN, as he does regularly each 6 months, and this time he rocked the room (RtR) when he said "F youze" and then, channeling Greta (NTTIAWWTBTW), he added "Blah, blah, blah, blah .........

[bull]

But bull slipped a video

into his presentation and old Tubbs was left speachless as the other UN delegates all as one stood up and ...............