Bikky

Obviously Tony like to keep abreast of things. He might be stretching his smugglers a bit!

Fabulous! Jaw-dropping! Awe-inspiring! Amazing! Deserves multiple viewings.

Gotta love fart jokes! While at dinner party, a man farts. Another man says “How dare you fart in front of my wife”. First man says “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn”.

What?! Do the nasty with a Brazilian tranny in a confessional? Wonder what the priest would think.

I remember the first time I had sex. It was quite scary - I mean, it was dark and I was all alone ...

Good one! Funny thing isn't? We get upset no end when someone else abuses us but, self abuse is almost mandatory! A young man went to the doctor with an embarrassing problem. He explained to the doc, "I feel fine but, my thingy has turned yellow!" The doc asked, "It's your first visit here so let's take down a few details. What do you do for a living?" He replied, "Well, I was recently laid off, so I'm unemployed at the moment". The doc asked, "Well, what do you do with your time?" He responded, "Not a lot to be honest. I watch internet porn and eat Twisties!"

I'm having trouble believing this! Does everything have to be completely risk free? Anything can fail at any time and at some time, certainly will. How could anyone step into an aircraft of any description without realising that there is an inherent risk? The solution? Regulations! Call the fun police - he's smiling.

Y0u guys really are the duck's guts!

There was a young man from Calcutta, Who tried to write f##k on a shutter. He'd written FU, when a pious Hindu, kicked him a##e over head in the gutter.

You're using the rock as a pillow. Don't fly - you're p!ssed.

Google translate is good for single words, but sentences! I o some translation from Portuguese to English and charge a set rate. Revision is cheaper by half. It's amazing the number of people that want me to revise Google translated documents. I tell them, no way! Pay full price because it's all wrong. You can't polish a turd.

Hi Tony! Another Brasileiro ... thought I was alone here!

In circles I imagine. Could be handy in circuits - "Look Mum. No hands!"

Many years ago a work colleague was operating a piece of machinery and I asked him if he had checked the oil level. He told me he had forgotten but that he would do it immediately. No problem. I turned my back and walked away to hear a loud scream. I turned around to see my colleague drenched in hot oil. To save time, he thought he would check the oil without shutting down first. Amazing how quickly oil exits an engine given the opportunity. Luckily, he wasn't severely burnt. We laughed about it after.

Looks perfect for Brazilian streets! I want one. Looks impervious to potholes and carjackings.

A little off topic, I know but ... I worked in a remote community in the Kimberley and there was a murder-suicide in a neighbouring out-station. The press latched on to this and it was incorrectly reported as happening at the community school. If you did a web search of the community name, "Siege at Community School", was the first result to come up. I took it upon myself to request the original police report and emailed it to every news agency that got it wrong and requested they change the story. With the exception of one service (Irish), they did. So yes, they do copy each other. Lazy journalism is rife internationally!

I don't think I'll become senile ... knock on wood. Gotta go - I just heard someone at the door!

After working in remote Aboriginal communities and realising that flying was a far safer option than driving the Gunbarrel, I got over my unwarranted fear and learned to love flying, safe in the hands of some exceptional pilots. The first TIF I ever had was a Jabiru and I loved every second of it and I am still passionate about flying, although it's out of my reach at the moment. I was one hour off going solo in a 160 before I decided to move to Brazil (it's a long story) and sincerely hope that all ends well for Jabiru. It's a great Australian product. Sure, engine wise it could be improved, but what a fantastic, forgiving and fun aircraft it is! I think it pays to bear in mind, where would we be without Jabiru?

Madame de Gaulle was said to have been lunching with the American ambassador at the time of her husband's retirement when she was asked what she was most looking forward to in the years ahead. She thought for a moment before announcing boldly: "A penis". A startled hush fell over the table until the former president leant over and said: "My dear, I think it's pronounced 'happiness'."

A moment! Really? Here I was thinking 3 minutes was bad!

Ring a perfect stranger. When they pick up the phone, tell them, "Yes. Hello. What do you want?"

Glad to see they're wearing gloves. I'd hate to think they were handling coffee with bare hands. Would be most unsanitary!

Ahhh ... Brasil! Most things are allowed here. Well, maybe not strictly allowed but hey! If you don't get caught all is good. <removes tongue from cheek> I in no way condone this type of thing but I have to admit, it beats the hell out of living in a nanny state!

Don't bother with marriage. Save some time. Go out, find someone you hate and buy them a house. Hope my wife doesn't read this!