Captain Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 ...He'd been very specific to them producers to ensure that no CWA girls got into the Studio audience, and now he was turning, nodding, using that ludicrous 'day mate" finger pointing that John Farnham pioneered. As he turned, he caught sight of a tea lady in the background.....it was Olive!...... "Sing Sadie the Cleaning Lady" she yelled to the Rat, who looks a lot like Johnny F in his prime. "Only if you put that fiddy in my Thong" he replied "As I have an aviation habit to support". "Why are you wearing a thong with that habit, sister?" asked Olive "And why are your sentences so poorly constructed?" The Rat thought, struck a very provocative pose that showed everything in silouette and said ".................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 The Rat thought, struck a very provocative pose that showed everyting in silouette and said ".................... "Come and get it! Olive came out of the dim light and made a lunge for him. As he felt the vice like grip on his skinny little hams, he screamed in terror... Natfly Rat woke up: "Where were we?" he asked Rotec "well you were full of it before you dozed off" said a frustrated Rotec. "I was trying to tell you what happened to Ford Prefect..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 "Come and get it! Olive came out of the dim light and made a lunge for him. As he felt the vice like grip on his skinny little hams, he screamed in terror... Natfly Rat woke up: "Where were we?" he asked Rotec "well you were full of it before you dozed off" said a frustrated Rotec. "I was trying to tell you what happened to Ford Prefect..... "All Prefects are drongos (because they used to make me cry when I was a little tacker at school) and Ford is short of cash, so forget about them, Rotec, and by the way how's your gearbox, have you thrown a rod lately, and is that bloke in the US still sticking it up you?" asked the worldly Rat. Rotac thought, winked and replied "............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 "All Prefects are drongos (because they used to make me cry when I was a little tacker at school) and Ford is short of cash, so forget about them, Rotec, and by the way how's your gearbox, have you thrown a rod lately, and is that bloke in the US still sticking it up you?" asked the worldly Rat. Rotac thought, winked and replied "............. ".....just what I'd expect from someone who rides a Suzuki and drives a Toyota. In the war we would have called you a fifth columnist. What was the point of winning the war if you throw over the pride of owning a Ford Prefect and buy that crap - they're made out of paper you know" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 ".....just what I'd expect from someone who rides a Suzuki and drives a Toyota. In the war we would have called you a fifth columnist. What was the point of winning the war if you throw over the pride of owning a Ford Prefect and buy that crap - they're made out of paper you know" ........... and don't forget his R1200GS BMW, and Schleicher Sailplane. "Perhaps the Rat is actually the Muscellini of the south pacific (and almost as bald) and is part of the axis of evil in 1943. Does he own anything that isn't German or Japanese .... oh there IS that fine Qld product in the hangar, of course" said Nanna "But having seen him in his G-string which I have renamed a "WOW" string, the Rat's real nick-name is Muscle-in-eh" "But why is the Evinrude wrecker being so cruel to his fellow NES'ers?" asked Admin "Is it because he has a dark secret, or does he just have the doo-doos because he spent all his Jab time money on his Boxer that craps all over the house." "Rocky Marciano stayed at my joint once" said Nanna "And he did the same thing". "Are you taking the dog up to Echuca with you Tubb? .................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 "But why is the Evinrude wrecker being so cruel to his fellow NES'ers?" asked Admin "Is it because he has a dark secret, or does he just have the doo-doos because he spent all his Jab time money on his Boxer that craps all over the house." "Rocky Marciano stayed at my joint once" said Nanna "And he did the same thing". "Are you taking the dog up to Echuca with you Tubb? .................... "You just open the throttle, the engine goes "Brrrppppth" (with a high oil level) and suddenly you're an Evinrude wrecker" rued Turbo eating his diner of crackers, but Turbo had noticed it wasn't the real Admin (Slartiphartblaster) who was asking the question about Turbo being cruel to fellow NESers, so obviously the Craps brown nosing had been identified early. Good one Slarti, you're on the ball. He wasn't going to take his pup to Echuca either, not with dog eaters like FatPipes Suzuki in town. He was saddened by this hit below the belt from Le Crapp, particularly since the boys had invented ChippenRat the Warwick Capper-like Mardi Gras dancer from Rio de Janeiro. This would have lifted Cap's multi persona mega star image if it wasn't for the fact that just as we are about to have ChippenRat overcome terrifying and almost impossible odds (loved the photo), his alter ego NatflyRat wakes up and it all goes to pieces. Le Crappe thought on this for a moment and realised Turbo was only trying to help, and was really a lovable sheep whisperer...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 "You just open the throttle, the engine goes "Brrrppppth" (with a high oil level) and suddenly you're an Evinrude wrecker" rued Turbo eating his diner of crackers, but Turbo had noticed it wasn't the real Admin (Slartiphartblaster) who was asking the question about Turbo being cruel to fellow NESers, so obviously the Craps brown nosing had been identified early. Good one Slarti, you're on the ball. He wasn't going to take his pup to Echuca either, not with dog eaters like FatPipes Suzuki in town. He was saddened by this hit below the belt from Le Crapp, particularly since the boys had invented ChippenRat the Warwick Capper-like Mardi Gras dancer from Rio de Janeiro. This would have lifted Cap's multi persona mega star image if it wasn't for the fact that just as we are about to have ChippenRat overcome terrifying and almost impossible odds (loved the photo), his alter ego NatflyRat wakes up and it all goes to pieces. Le Crappe thought on this for a moment and realised Turbo was only trying to help, and was really a lovable sheep whisperer...... ..... who whispers to sheep the way that Slartiphartblast whispers to goats. "This has to stop" said the Capper Crappe, hitching up his red & white shorts even further. "There is no brown-nosing going on here" responded Slarti "As those of us that are involved in this Forum just do it to serve the needs of Recreational Aviation Pilots and we get our meagre thrills from the pleasure they derive. The CapperRat is just one of those that were put on earth to serve his fellow man." "Too right, Ross" responded WarrickRat "Where else could the outboard killer get a chance to take over a couple of threads that someone else had started, while he smells like a boxer pup." "But I need to warn you that an investigation is under way, because Tomo the homo-sapien has pointed out that since the Outboard Killer has picked up his NES activities, most of the regulars have pulled the pin, so we need to get on top of this quick-sticks before more damage is done, as it looks like Tubb might be to the NES what the Ebola virus is to a quiet life in Africa." "Oh no" said Locksy "You mean that he is a ....................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Ok all, seeing we have a zillion pages about an aircraft on a conveyor belt I thought I would start a never ending story. It goes like this...every one adds a post that adds a bit to the story but at the end of their post they always leave it with an opening for the next post to continue it on. Lets see how many pages of posts we can get creating the never ending story and have a laugh as we go - oh, it has to be about flying as well :big_grin: The start.... After a long night morning finally came with the sun breaking through the window as Mr Ford Prefect (also known as Jabiru Joe) woke to suddenly find that.... In absolute shock at the unfounded remarks made by the Multiperson, who even himself has added another rat character, Turbo sat down and poured out a cup of Camomile tea...and one for his mate Slarti, one for his mate Ian, one for his mate Tomo, one for his mate Ahlocks, and a saucer of Ratsak for Le Crappe. "Let's start with post #1" he said, "and you'll see I'm perfectly in character and syntax with the very skeleton of the NES. "Paragraph 2 - well le Crappe never gives anyone an opening (and they all nodded), so I have to struggle with a new story every time." "Paragraph 3 - "have a laugh as we go - oh, it has to be about flying as well"? "Let's go to the story as written by Ian the Gazelle IT'S ABOUT A FRIGGING CAR!!!!! And what's funny about Mr Ford Prefect waking up "I ask you comrade NES'ers (mates), is Le Crappe correct in what he says." "Noooo" was the loud reply as they reeled back at the thought of the "Neighbours"-like thread being put forward by the German/Waggan/Japan/Rodin critic. "What do you say to that solid support (aviation - just)" said Turbo cleaning the brown font off his shoes...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahlocks Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 "Take a deep breath......Hmmmm :raise_eyebrow:... OK, turn and cough........Hmmm i_dunno, I see." "Well, the good news is that it's not Ebola." Announced the DAME. :thumb_up: "What it appears to be, is the onset of a dose of NatFlu" he concluded. "And what the @#!& is NatFlue" snapped McLoch. "And by what reference do you draw that diagnosis from?" "Well it usually occurs after an aviation event is affected by the weather and often brings about an onset of nit picking about IMC flight and which way to land at airstrips." the Doc replied i_dunno. "Some other symptoms are eye strain from pouring over regulations for hours on end and an impairment of the humour receptors in the brain.":confused:thumb_down "So is there a cure for it Doc?" asked McLoch. "Oh, thats the easy part." the Doc reassured. "Don't take life too seriously and go with the flow (or nonflow) and see where the story goes... McLock nodded in acceptance. "Wouldn't happen to know any Ford Prefect or evinrude jokes that I could use?"... ============== Had a boxer dog once....it tasted a bit like fairy penguin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 McLock nodded in acceptance. "Wouldn't happen to know any Ford Prefect or evinrude jokes that I could use?"... ... "No, but I know a pearler about Section 25 & a Koala" came the Doc's reply. "It starts with ....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomo Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Ford Prefect Jokes..... that's easy, if it's got the word Ford in it, why that's a joke in it self..... Well actually there not really jokes... there sort of the nothing but the truth;): "Found On Rubbish Dumps" "For Only Retard Drivers" (Don't take that to much to heart Le Crappe!!) "Fix Or Repair Daily" Backwards - "Driver Returns On Foot" (Oh how true!) Now I don't see any aviationness in that said Mcloch... But they do get used to try and get pilots to the strip......so I see a lot of good in warning the poor pilots out there that it's probably a good thing to take a mobile phone with you if you've got one...(not that there's anything wrong with that!) But before you all have a go a bashing me up for downing Mr Ford, I'm not; because he made some good cars...(and even tractors)... it's just in the last century that there starting to get really out of hand in some of there designs....:confused: A bit like the Human body really.......:confused: ( now that's a compliment to all you old fella's!!):thumb_up: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 CHAPTER 1638 With the Echuca AAAA Fly-In just one week away, BigPete was cutting the grass, cutting the cheese, flying a kite, polishing his 160 and posting warnings on street corners that the RF Reprobates are about to come to town. In Mildura, Geoff is similarly polishing his 160. "This won't take long" he said. The Ahlockvakian is getting the dust off, checking rivet tensions, polishing his helmet and praying for good weather. Tubb is down at CASA asking thorny questions, polishing his boxer and getting ready to jump in his Roller to head for Chewka. Slarti is polishing his helmet too, up goulburn way, and preparing to track SW, back to the flatlands where there is nothing to navigate by except roads, rivers and distinctive hills. And ..................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Two of Turbo's CFI's were killed - one who knew everything but somehow managed to drop his ac off the end of the strip - probably from taking off down wind. The other, a bit of a hero who could fly any aicraft, owned a few antiques etc, and continually ranted at CASA for nit picking killed six innocent passengers and himself when he screwed up an EFATO on to flat smooth gound, one flying colleague was taken by a UFO so the story goes, and the best Council CEO Turbo ever knew, along with his mate was killed in a Cessna 180 which has infinitely better instrumentation than most rec aircraft, when the experienced pilot he hired decided to push on into cloud because he'd done it before, and spiral dived into the ground. It took some time to separate the body parts. That tends to make one a little more observant and a little more frustrated at people who have yet to experience tragedy, and it wouldn't hurt for some of the smart arses to read a few accident reports. So it looks like Turbo will continue to be a carrier for Natflue for some time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Two of Turbo's CFI's were killed - one who knew everything but somehow managed to drop his ac off the end of the strip - probably from taking off down wind. The other, a bit of a hero who could fly any aicraft, owned a few antiques etc, and continually ranted at CASA for nit picking killed six innocent passengers and himself when he screwed up an EFATO on to flat smooth gound, one flying colleague was taken by a UFO so the story goes, and the best Council CEO Turbo ever knew, along with his mate was killed in a Cessna 180 which has infinitely better instrumentation than most rec aircraft, when the experienced pilot he hired decided to push on into cloud because he'd done it before, and spiral dived into the ground. It took some time to separate the body parts. That tends to make one a little more observant and a little more frustrated at people who have yet to experience tragedy, and it wouldn't hurt for some of the smart arses to read a few accident reports. So it looks like Turbo will continue to be a carrier for Natflue for some time. And the NES took a somewhat sombre tone. "I'm not gunna try to make a joke about any of that, or someone will reckon it was in poor taste" thought El Ratto. "I'll wait for someone else to identify a way out of this drainpipe and will then try to respond with something original & humoresque (unlike most of my previous posts). "I know an entertaining, clean and aviation related joke that fits all criteria for the NES" said ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahlocks Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 And the NES took a somewhat sombre tone.../... "I'll wait for someone else to identify a way out of this drainpipe... "While I'm here McDoch (no relation), you reckon you could give me the once over for the rumoured CTA medical?" asked McLoch "And I've got a few concerns :raise_eyebrow: about a bloke I know I'd like to talk about." McLock added. "Grab your ankles and think of the Queen" Prompted the Doc as he began his examination :confused:. "So what's the problem with the other bloke?" "Well he seems agitated and depressed about a few colleagues that have departed early for their dirt nap, Doc. It's a crying shame really, 'cuz he's usually quite the jovial chap" McLoch explained. "Well, try to explain to him that despite the best of intentions of mice (rats?) and men, gravity and nature like to remind us that we often delude ourselves into thinking we have conquered them." offered the Doc. "Occasionally, a wet fish gets applied to remind us that we're only mortal" i_dunno "So how can we get him out of this deep funk?" asked McLoch while nodding:question: "You could try making up some bull:censored:t story about a plastic aeroplane and some wierd bloke that wears a white leather G-string! That might cheer him up....." ================== What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? ..... ..... ..... The taste.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 May I butt in on this sombre moment and express on behalf of every member of this site our greatest thanks and appreciation to you guys who keep the Never Ending Story (aka NES) going and bringing to us all greatest fits of laughter that may cause us embarrassment to those around us. You have set a standard in aviation writing that the top aviation magazines only dream of achieving. Thank you guys - you are all smiley stars! :big_grin: :) :thumb_up: :star: :heart: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 May I butt in on this sombre moment and express on behalf of every member of this site our greatest thanks and appreciation to you guys who keep the Never Ending Story (aka NES) going and bringing to us all greatest fits of laughter that may cause us embarrassment to those around us. You have set a standard in aviation writing that the top aviation magazines only dream of achieving. Thank you guys - you are all smiley stars! :big_grin: :) :thumb_up: :star: :heart: Thanks Ian. We are having more fun than anyone else, and it becomes a bit of a challenge to come back with a quick reply. I really MUST get myself a life. "Hey Crapper. Tell Ian to come over and see me some time, and I'll show him how much we appreciate this website of his" said Nanna "Would he prefer my teeth in, or out?" "Ian prefers .................... The avatar in the server will be hosted by my Aunt, in the forum, by the garden Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomo Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 "Ian prefers .................... "........Teeth in... other wise it would to much of a gummy conversation......." "And for all involved that would be...................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahlocks Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 ...Incisive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slartibartfast Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 ...indentured. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 ..... enjoyable? The Rat of my Aunt will be in the garden in Mudgee with Slarti in a couple of hours Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomo Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 And another thing.......... "it would be pretty pointless without out them" --------------------- Have fun at the flyin....:thumb_up: can't wait for some up this end of the country...:big_grin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 "And for all involved that would be...... ..... 4play? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahlocks Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 4play?!?... .. be more than that. There's 4 incisors, 2 bicuspids, 8 molars, two..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 4play?!?..... be more than that. There's 4 incisors, 2 bicuspids, 8 molars, two..... "Geeeeez" thought Ian "Who would have thought, when I conceived of this NES, that the word "Bicuspid" would have been used." "The Ahlocks must actually be an AhDentist, and that is where he got the spare cash to buy his lovely SportStar ...... and he gets to tell all of the ladies to "Open wide". "Just my sort of man" said the Riverland Lass "And he will be in Ahchuca, he will be Ahvailable, and after a few of Geoff's plonks he will be AhAnyones next weekend" 'I'll just ......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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