PA.

Try using Kickstarter to get your crowd funding. But you do need to put some serious effort into making your plea and be able to offer some rewards for the people who back you. When you set your target remember if you don't make it you get nothing. Best to have a look at the other projects and see what they have done to get their support. Good luck. https://www.kickstarter.com/

They only discounted the wet wipe packet because they said a warm towel from 1st Class would arrive before an Economy Class Wet Wipe.

Mrs. Johnson was the wife of a successful business owner, and he didn't have much time for her. On her birthday, however, he gave her a special gift: to have her portrait painted by a famous artist. When the artist arrived and set up for the sitting, she told him, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a large ruby brooch." "But madam," he said. "You are not wearing any of those things." "I know," said Mrs. Johnson. "As I'm sure my husband told you, my health is not good and I don't have long to live. As I'm sure he didn't tell you, my husband is having an affair with his secretary." "Uh..." the painter stammers, unsure what to say. "So when I die I'm sure he will marry her," she continues, "and I want the bitch to go nuts looking for all that jewelry."

The Foo Fighters are going. [MEDIA=twitter]626946526846193664[/MEDIA]

Yes I used a Tripod. The camera is a Nikon P900. If has GPS and WiFi too.

It's a Blue Moon tonight. Took this picture last night with our new camera. I found it has a Moon mode to go with the 2000mm lens.

Meme magic.

A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?" "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."... "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Sh!t."

A senior policeman in China has been suspended from his job after being caught masturbating and smoking joints in his office. No name was given but he was a high wanking officer.

What boat?

I need a new windscreen.

And as Jeeves sat in the web of branches in the Gumtree and looked down at the fishing beach with all the nets laid out he thought what a wonderful Netscape.

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.' So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?' 'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied 'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.' Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life' 'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do.. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,' she said. 'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!' 'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?' 'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.' The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?' She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?' You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?' 'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly. 'No Kidding,' he said. 'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'

It's nice when X does mark the spot.

At the five second mark it points to a Gas Spring Chamber. Not sure why they don't build it as a horizontally opposed twin cylinder.

Copied from a automotive website. Toyota's free piston engine is brilliant. Let's get one thing straight: The variable-valve-timing, direct-injection, turbo-wonderful power plant in your new car is not cutting-edge. Despite the complexity of the modern engine, the fundamentals haven't changed since Grover Cleveland was in office. Pistons turn a crankshaft that eventually spins your car's wheels. Yawn. Electrically driven cars are the future. But until we have cheap, 1000-mile batteries, we still need range-extending fossil-fuel engines. Those devices don't need to turn wheels, just generate juice. The simple solution is to strap a generator to a piston engine, as BMW did with the two-cylinder range extender in its i3 EV. But if the engine never turns a wheel, there's no need for it to rotate anything. Why not cut out the middleman and use the piston's reciprocating motion to generate electricity? That obviates camshafts and most other rotating parts, too. Toyota recently showed a prototype engine that does just that. It's called the Free Piston Engine Linear Generator (FPEG). "Free" refers to the fact that the piston isn't attached to a crankshaft; instead, as the piston is forced downward during its power stroke, it passes through windings in the cylinder to generate a burst of three-phase AC electricity. The FPEG operates like a two-stroke engine but adds direct gasoline injection and electrically operated valves. It can also be run like a diesel, using compression rather than a spark plug to ignite its fuel mixture. Toyota says this mechanically simple engine achieves a claimed thermal-efficiency rating of 42 percent in continuous use. Only the best, most complicated, and most expensive of today's gas engines can come close to that number, and only in specific circumstances. Even better, a two-cylinder FPEG is inherently balanced and would measure roughly 8 inches around and 2 feet long. An engine of that size and type could generate 15 hp, enough to move a compact electric vehicle at highway speed after its main drive battery has been depleted.

It's a family portrait, that's mum just left of center.

What did one Zoo Keeper say to the other Zoo Keeper? Close the door, you're letting a Giraffe in.

Two police officers responding to a domestic disturbance with shots fired arrive on scene. After discovering the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor, they call their sergeant on his cell phone. "Hello Sarge." "Yes." "It looks like we have a homicide here." "What happened?" "A woman has shot her husband for walking on the floor she had just mopped." "Have you placed her under arrest?" "Not yet sir. The floor is still wet."

Works for me.

Pet Diaries: Excerpts from a Dog's Diary: * 8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing! * 9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing! * 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!... * 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! * 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing! * 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing! * 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing! * 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing! * 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing! * 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing! * 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing! Excerpts from a Cat's Diary: Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. *******s! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now!!..

Dai proposed to Megan and it had been accepted. "But", added Megan, "before we get married I must tell you something dreadful about my past life." "No," said Dai, "I won't hear of it. You can tell me after we're married." After they were married and had set off for their honeymoon in Porthcawl, Megan again brought up the subject of her "dreadful secret". "No," said Dai, "it can wait. Tell me when we're in bed together, that'll be soon enough." That night as they got into ...bed Megan declared "Well, Dai, now I really do have to tell you my secret. You see, I'm a virgin." Dai didn't say a word but put on his clothes and traveled all the way back to his mother's house. "Dai!" said his mother, "what are you doing here, you're supposed to be on your honeymoon." "It's no good", said Dai, "I've had to leave Megan; it turns out she's a virgin." "Well, Dai," said his mother, "in that case you were quite right to come home. If she's not good enough for the rest of the village she's not good enough for you."

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant. "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You mongrel!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten mongrel!" The judge stops and says to Dave in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?" Dave stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that mongrel and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one!

Darren³