PA.

Now that's reVolting.

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us." Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later, the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind!I was supposed to get off four stops ago.

Tried that but it turns out despite being a tax payer I don't own a police car. My hearing is next week.

The wife has just come into the living room wearing a little pvc number, fishnets and high heels, has handed me a cold beer and told me to sit down, relax, and when she comes back she'll give me 'what she does best' I can't wait. I love Shepherd's Pie

A little old lady asks her pharmacist if there are any Viagra pills for her elderly husband. "Yes," the pharmacist says, "there are three different strengths: 20% , which lifts it up a little bit; 50%, which makes it stand up half way; and 100%, which makes it touch the ceiling." "Oh", says the woman,"I'll take the 20% pill please." The pharmacist shrugs his shoulders and says, "the 20% pill won't do much for you sex life, love." To which the old woman replies, "no, but it'll stop him peeing in his damn slippers!"

6 or 8 motors I see your 8 and raise you 10.

If it does I'll be well hung.

About time this thread resurfaced.

Nice writeup. Reminded me of this. Nokuchikushi. No kuchi kushi makes me a unhappy Ninja.

I thought to make a copper stretch you would put the donuts on a higher shelf.

Did you hear about the three women golfing on the fourth green, when suddenly a man runs by wearing nothing but a bag over his head. As he passes the first woman, she looks down and says, "it's not my husband." As he passes the second woman, she looks down and says, "he's not my husband either." He then passes the third woman and she looks down and says, "He's not even a member of this golf club."

Twin sisters in a Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa. The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THEREON THE SOFA!", said the other. "Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman. Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they wiggled up close to each other. "Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus the camera," said the photographer. Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!" With a big grin, the deaf twin shouted out, "OH LORD JESUS! BOTH OF US???? -- CAN I BE FIRST???"

Did they monitor the current between the poles?

Only large waves as they had not yet invented micro wave technology.

Oops. Maybe it was 2 funny. :)

I was shagging my neighbour over her kitchen table when we heard the front door opening. "That's my husband," she said, "Quick, try the back door", I knew I should left before her husband caught me, but there's no way I was refusing an offer like that.

In a room packed with people you can use the same methodology to find a Vegan or Pilot.

Sounds like me on eggs.

I was shagging my neighbour over her kitchen table when we heard the front door opening. "That's my husband," she said, "Quick, try the back door", I knew I should left before her husband caught me, but there's no way I was refusing an offer like that.

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce. He asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

A chicken farmer went to a local bar ... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence" the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... "I too am celebrating." "This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" Says the woman. "What a coincidence!" says the farmer as they clinked glasses the man asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!" "What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs." 'That's great!' says the woman. "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I used a different cock," he replied. The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence. So did I."

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,"Ribbit. 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone."Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing." You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replys "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole."What do you think frog?" The man asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog reply, "Ribbit.Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says,"Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit.......Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 21-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room".

A young Chemist started work in the chemist shop. The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling condoms. "Look" he said "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they either ask for a 10 (small); a 15 (medium); or a 20 (large). The word condom is never mentioned". The first day was fine, but on the second day a black guy came into the shop, put out his hand and said “30" please. The girl panicked. She phoned the Chemist on his mobile and told him of her predicament. "Go back in and check if he has a bucket hanging between his legs," her boss told her. She peeped through the door, and saw the bucket hanging between the guy's legs. "Yes!” she shouted down the phone "he's got one hanging there!” "Well, go back in there and give him $30 he's the window cleaner", the Chemist replied.

Wine Taster Wanted In a wine bottling plant the regular taster died and the director was in urgent need of a replacement. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers." "That's correct", said the boss. Another glass. "It's red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels." "Correct." A third glass. ''It's Champagne, high grade and exclusive'' calmly said the drunk. The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father!" HIS WISDOM IS VALUABLE !

Halfway through my shift at the photo shop yesterday, a guy came in to pick up some photos of his naked wife. Naturally, I'd had a little peek at them, so as I handed them over. I asked "Would you like the negatives?" "Yes please," he said sheepishly. I said, "Ok then. Your wife's got saggy t**s, a fat a**e and she should seriously think about giving herself a good trim!!..