Old Koreelah Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 My brother was a state cop for over thirty years. He told me the best excuse he had heard was from a guy, who having been pulled over and asked why he was driving so fast, said, "My wife is going to get pregnant tonight, and I want to be there when it happens." No ticket. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 The best one is" My wife ran away with a policeman 10 years ago and I thought you were bringing her back". Nev 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Policeman says to young bloke; "I've been waiting for you all day" ... Young bloke replies; "I got here as fast as I could!" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I had a mate who was still riding his Velocette MAC at about 80 years of age. He got pinged in a suburb and the copper asked him why he was over the speed limit. He pondered for a while and said "I suppose I would have to put it down to "youthful exhuberance". The enforcer didn't have much of a sense of humour or they get a % or something so he got fined . He was only a couple of K's over but it's like a tax here.. My last one was 3 kms over in 1990, so I'm being careful. Nev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazza 38 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I had a mate who was still riding his Velocette MAC at about 80 years of age. He got pinged in a suburb and the copper asked him why he was over the speed limit. He pondered for a while and said "I suppose I would have to put it down to "youthful exhuberance". The enforcer didn't have much of a sense of humour or they get a % or something so he got fined . He was only a couple of K's over but it's like a tax here.. My last one was 3 kms over in 1990, so I'm being careful. Nev Let me guess, it happened in Victoria? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planedriver Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Those Mexicans are out to get you mate! 3 kph Nev, is ridiculous. I also had a spell of training with the Metropolitan Police Driver Training School in London and have always considered good driving as an art. Having said that, I've been done too. My old man was a copper, and when I wanted to join up, he said forget it! "Things aren't what they used to be, where a bit of commonsense and discretion prevailed" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Using those speedo check thingo's on the freeway, when my speedo shows 100, the speedo check device says I'm doing 93, so as long as I keep to the limit on my speedo, I'll always remain below the limit. The big drama in Vic at the moment is that the previous government decided to do away with 70 kph zones on major roads like Blackburn Road and the 3 lane Canterbury Road, and they will shortly drop back to 60 kph. The RACV are trying to convince the new goverment to scrap the change, although some roads have already changed. It will be quicker to walk soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Russ Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding.. Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one. Traffic Cop: Don't have one? Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving. Traffic Cop: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Traffic Cop: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Traffic Cop: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Traffic Cop: You what!? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see... The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?! Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The traffic cop is quite stunned. Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license quizzically. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner! Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too. 5 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazza 38 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Must be American as we spell Licence as err Licence in Australia not license. Then again I have seen Hangar spelt hanger a lot lately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rankamateur Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Must be American as we spell Licence as err Licence in Australia not license. Then again I have seen Hangar spelt hanger a lot lately. Hope you and your crisis are very happy together! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 3 kph (over) is ridiculous. No it's not, it's an attitude problem, while the posted speed limits themselves may be ridiculous, why aren't people driving at 3 kmh under them? Australians are terrible for always pushing the posted limit (even if they are frustratingly ridiculous for the conditions/road). It will be quicker to walk soon. Radical thought: Leave for work 5 minutes earlier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 You ignore the point made about watching the traffic rather than your speedo being a couple of Km's over. To suggest driving 3 kms under doesn't change the need to fixate on the speedo and the rest of the traffic would not be impressed. Any one who is so close to the limit is obviously trying to keep the rules, whereas some one 20 kph over is not ( although they may have missed the sign on the edge of the road that may well be obscured by a tree). Its a revenue raiser. Nev 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planedriver Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Having read this http://www.autoblog.com/2010/08/13/swedish-man-may-pay-largest-speeding-fine-ever/ maybe our fines are a bargain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biggles Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I always use cruise control, ' takes the worry out of being close ' ...... Bob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ben87r Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 No it's not, it's an attitude problem, while the posted speed limits themselves may be ridiculous, why aren't people driving at 3 kmh under them?Australians are terrible for always pushing the posted limit (even if they are frustratingly ridiculous for the conditions/road). Radical thought: Leave for work 5 minutes earlier. Because they may not even know they are speeding since the tolerance for speedo's, if it hasn't changed very recently is +-10%, and they do drive under WELL under these days. Last time I visited the old man in Sydney I spent the whole time doing 60 in 80 zones, and people breaking approaching GREEN lights nearly hoping they went red, because of these new(not so new any more) safety cameras. Seriously, the joints becoming a joke, couldn't be more glad i moved out of the joint. You are right about people pushing the limits on roads with slow limits, I set my speed off my GPS +5% on some roads, particularity out this way where just over the boarder its safe to do 130 and on the same road here with the same traffic its dangerous, go figure. On another note, the NT brought in speed limits on the Stuart (130) and noticed an increase in the accident rate, ended up trialling unrestricted again. Fatigue being more dangerous. Rant over! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planedriver Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 So do I Bob, but even so the speed still creeps up going down hilly stretches in the 50 zone near where I live, you are frequently on the brakes because Kojack with his Kodak is normally hiding behind the trees. I've never seen an accident on the street in over 3 yrs of living here, yet they nett approaching $300grand revenue in fines some months, according to the Daily Telegraph. It's the highest in the State:cops: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnm Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 there is always an 'area / zone' out there where a speeding ticket guarantee is assured (all over the joint - over a blind rise then down a hill etc) if say someone was injured or property was damaged in that zone ................. it would make an interesting court case if it was proven that the police had written (or speed camera'red) hundreds (thousands) of infringement notices - but not done anything else (other than collect the money) ............ just collected the revenue but not considered how to make that particular 'zone' safer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Cruise control in heavy traffic is not good. I find I get MUCH more Kms to the litre driving manual throttle (doing the same speeds).. If you are smooth you save fuel. and brake pad wear. Nev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 You ignore the point made about watching the traffic rather than your speedo being a couple of Km's over. To suggest driving 3 kms under doesn't change the need to fixate on the speedo and the rest of the traffic would not be impressed. Any one who is so close to the limit is obviously trying to keep the rules, whereas some one 20 kph over is not ( although they may have missed the sing on the edge of the road that may well be obscured by a tree). Its a revenue raiser. Nev Yes, as I was told, get your head out of the cockpit. If it's important to keep a good look out in the big blue sky, how much more important is it to keep a good look out on the road where things are a lot closer... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biggles Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 So do I Bob, but even so the speed still creeps up going down hilly stretches in the 50 zone near where I live, you are frequently on the brakes because Kojack with his Kodak is normally hiding behind the trees. I've never seen an accident on the street in over 3 yrs of living here, yet they nett approaching $300grand revenue in fines some months, according to the Daily Telegraph. It's the highest in the State:cops: Yes that can be a problem, as the speed does tend to gather on long downhill stretches, but you can set the control a few km's lower . Of course I was talking about a clear section of level road ...... Bob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 why aren't people driving at 3 kmh under them ..Coz you'll have some hoon on your tail flashing his lights and fist-shaking, or a B-Double breathing down your neck. Same as approaching a red light - slow down to smoothly move on when the light changes, and you;ll get abused. The hoons will fly past on the wrong side, and you catch up to them at the next red light. I've seen idiots chopping and changing over three lanes and overtaking, only to get 5km down the road to see them only three cars ahead. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biggles Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 You ignore the point made about watching the traffic rather than your speedo being a couple of Km's over. To suggest driving 3 kms under doesn't change the need to fixate on the speedo and the rest of the traffic would not be impressed. Any one who is so close to the limit is obviously trying to keep the rules, whereas some one 20 kph over is not ( although they may have missed the sing on the edge of the road that may well be obscured by a tree). Its a revenue raiser. Nev The speed limit is the maximum speed allowed . " A revenue raiser " .... Try telling that to a cop that has just attended a multiple fatal involving kids , caused by a speeding driver.... Bob 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biggles Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 ..Coz you'll have some hoon on your tail flashing his lights and fist-shaking, or a B-Double breathing down your neck. Same as approaching a red light - slow down to smoothly move on when the light changes, and you;ll get abused. The hoons will fly past on the wrong side, and you catch up to them at the next red light. I've seen idiots chopping and changing over three lanes and overtaking, only to get 5km down the road to see them only three cars ahead. Agree with all that Red and have seen it occur many times . Let the idiots do what they like , they'll eventually get caught . Just make sure you do the right thing 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 It's a budget item in the state budget, yet the speed checker setups on most highways are not working and there are few reminders of what a speed limit is on any section of road. It is also included in "Productivity" agreements in police salary negotiations . Are you ever unsure of just what the limit is? Often the signs are hidden by shrubs, and there is no follow up reminder like a colour code on the edge of the road. People who run a few Kms over on a downhill run or such are not SPEEDERS in the strict sense. They are trying to do the right thing. No one could GUARANTEE not to get a speeding fine IF it was a straight safety issue why not have better reminders of just WHAT the speed limit is? I don't want to pay any fines or break the law. Nev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biggles Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Cruise control in heavy traffic is not good. I find I get MUCH more Kms to the litre driving manual throttle (doing the same speeds).. If you are smooth you save fuel. and brake pad wear. Nev Surely nobody would use cruise control in heavy traffic . I have noticed on my inbuilt fuel flow monitor ,that accelerating from 40 to 100 using cruise control (with set point at 100 ), to be far more economical than operating manually , as one would expect with the fuel management systems fitted to modern vehicles . As I used to say to fellow engineers .... " Second class auto is always better than first class manual "....... Bob 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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