How a plan becomes policy

[Marty_d]

(I have seen this in action...)

 

 

In the beginning was the plan.

 

And then came the assumptions.

 

And the assumptions were without form.

 

And the plan was without substance.

 

And darkness was upon the face of the workers.

 

And they spoke among themselves saying,

 

"It is a crock of sh1t and it stinketh."

 

And the workers went unto their supervisors and said,

 

"It is a pale of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."

 

And the supervisors went unto their managers and said,

 

"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

 

And the managers went unto their directors, saying,

 

"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

 

And the directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another,

 

"It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."

 

And the directors went unto the vice presidents, saying unto them,

 

"It promotes growth and is very powerful."

 

And the vice presidents went unto the president, saying unto him,

 

"The new plan will promote the growth and vigor of the company, with powerful effects."

 

And the president looked upon the plan and saw that it was good.

 

And the plan became policy.

 

This is how sh1t happens.

 

 

[M61A1]

Yep...I remember see a copy of a copy of a copy and so on of this, in the pre-internet days at 1SQN, and that I had seen this principle in operation.

 

You don't have a copy of the "-77 Knucklehead flight checklist" as well do you? I've been looking for that one.

 

A Mirage checklist....advance the throttle and roll smoothly over the chocks.

 

 

[Marty_d]

Nope.... I too remember this from the old paper days, one of Planedriver's posts on the "remember your schooldays" thread about putting manure on your rhubarb brought it to mind. A quick google of "a crock of sh1t and it stinketh" found the whole thing.

 

Talking of Mirages - seen that French movie "Skyfighters" ("Les Chevaliers du ciel")? - it was on SBS a few weeks ago. Better than Top Gun but just as cheesy.

 

 

[M61A1]

Nope.... I too remember this from the old paper days, one of Planedriver's posts on the "remember your schooldays" thread about putting manure on your rhubarb brought it to mind. A quick google of "a crock of sh1t and it stinketh" found the whole thing.Talking of Mirages - seen that French movie "Skyfighters" ("Les Chevaliers du ciel")? - it was on SBS a few weeks ago. Better than Top Gun but just as cheesy.

Sounds good, I'll keep a lookout, "Dark Blue World" was another good one, about Czechs in WWII, a bit like pearl harbour without the plot being ruined by the love story.(still has subtle love story)

 

 

[Marty_d]

Dark Blue World is one of my favourites. Helps that I personally consider the Spitfire to be the "perfect plane".

 

 

[bexrbetter]

(I have seen this in action...)

 

In the beginning was the plan.

 

.

Yuh, seen it often and it also applies to a number of engineering solutions I have been involved with too.

 

 

[Marty_d]

Yuh, seen it often and it also applies to a number of engineering solutions I have been involved with too.

As worker or manager, Bex?

 

 

[bexrbetter]

As worker or manager, Bex?

In one case worse, I was the hands on 'solutions' engineer at Volvo Trucks for a short bit - I had to fix all the engineers f'ups hands on so took shit from both sides. It had gotten so bad that they wouldn't talk to each other so they sought someone from outside (me).

 

Try telling an office engineer one day that the project part he has just spent 6 months on full time doesn't fit .... and actually get him to get his ass out of his chair and come look rather than calling you an idiot then see the look on their face when they realise the monumental f'up they have done, gold!

 

 

[cscotthendry]

In one case worse, I was the hands on 'solutions' engineer at Volvo Trucks for a short bit - I had to fix all the engineers f'ups hands on so took **** from both sides. It had gotten so bad that they wouldn't talk to each other so they sought someone from outside (me).Try telling an office engineer one day that the project part he has just spent 6 months on full time doesn't fit .... and actually get him to get his ass out of his chair and come look rather than calling you an idiot then see the look on their face when they realise the monumental f'up they have done, gold!

This is a study in how we in the western world do our engineering. The engineer sits at his/her desk as draws something up which is given to manufacturing to create. If it doesn't work, the engineer does another drawing, etc etc. Contrast that with the Russian Rocket engine approach where the engineer draws a part and gives it to the manufacturing to produce. If it doesn't work, manufacturing modify the drawings and specs until they can make it work. There's a really interesting doco on YouTube called "The engine that came in from the cold" about how they made an "impossible" rocket engine design work and work reliably.

 

 

[nomadpete]

I first encountered it when it came as a test text on a teleprinter back when Telecom/AOTC/Telstra started churning along its tortured pathway to privatisation.

 

It must go back through the ages - maybe Aristotle wrote it?

 

 

[Marty_d]

I first encountered it when it came as a test text on a teleprinter back when Telecom/AOTC/Telstra started churning along its tortured pathway to privatisation.It must go back through the ages - maybe Aristotle wrote it?

I reckon the original was probably graffiti'd on one of the Pyramids by a disgruntled slave, who thought a tomb 146 metres tall and weighing 6 million tonnes was not the best idea management had ever had.

 

 

[nomadpete]

Well, nobody has yet discovered the inscription that tells us exactly what the pharoh really asked for ! My bet is that he actually made a modest request.

 

Then the design committee took it from there...........

 

And they came up with THE PLAN..........

 

 

[PA.]

He actually said "My wives Pyramids are going to be the death of me." or words to that affect.

 

 

[storchy neil]

didn't think you was that old PA

 

 

[old man emu]

Which brings us to:

 

http://www.sacbusiness.org/cs/hesterj/Beware%20The%20Wrath%20Of%20Abibarshim.htm

 

BEWARE THE WRATH OF ABIBARSHIM!

 

Recently excavated clay tablets shed new light on the most famous engineering failure in antiquity. Although some of the words are conjectural, this translation contains a clear message for modern engineers. Do you know someone who might benefit from this voice from the past?

 

By PAUL PENDRAGON

 

Translator

 

I, Abibarshim, Great King, King of Kings, Ruler of Kish, Babil, Agade and Sankhar, and of the regions across the Hilla, conqueror of Ninevah, destroyer of Sepharia, having striven mightily and met with grief, lay down this Code that ye may not also strive mightily and meet with grief, nor fall flat on thy ass.

 

For I, Abibarshim, King of Kings, and all that, did buy many Aethyopeans and hire many artisans and scribes and masons and Makers of Engines and Designers of Buildings. And great was their craft and great their number, which was one hundred and forty four thousand, give or take a few job-shoppers. Yea, they did strive mightily, too, for they knew what would happen if they strove notmightily. And the name of my capital improvement project was the Tower of Babil.

 

Yea, great was their craft and wonderful to behold what the Designers of Buildings wrought on the papyrus. All who looked thereon did marvel at their genius. I, Abibarshim, did also look thereon and did declare their designs to have much nift.

 

But many days did pass, and many times did the moon wax and wane, and the tower was not yet builded.

 

So I, Abibarshim, King of Kings, did hie me to the palace by the Arakhtu where dwelt the Designers of Buildings and Makers of Engines. And there I found not Designers of Buildings and Makers of Engines, but Drinkers of Coffee and Tellers of Tales (whom men call hurlers of bull dung). So I vented my royal spleen, which did perturb them mightily.

 

"Look here, O King, etc.," said the Chief of the Makers of Engines. "Some things can't be rushed. If thou wantest us to get thy bloody tower builded on time, then thou hadst better give us a little respect. For canst thou build thy tower without us?"

 

"But I have given thee this palace in which thy work may be done, and I pay thee many talents of gold and silver, plus all the usual fringies. What more wouldst thou have me do to get this project moving?"

 

"Well, thou canst start with alabaster lamps for the draughtsmen," saith the Chief of the Makers of Engines, refilling his cup. "And maybe draughting instruments of silver and electrum…"

 

"Thou shalt have them. Just get my tower builded." And I, Abibarshim, King of Kings, did depart the palace of the Makers of Engines with my tail betwixt my legs.

 

And many days did pass, and many times did the moon wax and wane, and the tower was still not yet builded. So I, Abibarshim, did corner the Chief Scribe and ask him, "What goeth on here?"

 

The Chief Scribe fell to his knees and said: "O Great and Merciful King, the Makers of Engines give us scrolls of materials for to purchase. But, verily, no man knoweth what the scrolls signify, save the Makers of Engines themselves. For they call not a spade a spade, but call it here a delver and there a digger and another place an entrenching tool and yet another a geovolvometer, so that the scroll of material agreeth not with the design papyrus. And strange to behold is their numerology."

 

So I, Abibarshim, gave certain orders to try to keep the Makers of Engines from creating their own language, saying, "How did it come to pass that those who have such swiftness of mind, even as the gazelle, lack the sense of geese?"

 

And many days did pass, and many times did the moon wax and wane, and the estimate did wax and never wane, and the tower was not yet builded.

 

So then I did ask the Chief Mason, "What giveth?" and he, throwing himself prostrate before me, spake thus:

 

"O King, every day we toil from dawn until the dusk! Every week the Makers of Engines say they have wrought new and niftier designs, of which we knew not, and what we have builded hath been fashioned into obsolete papyri. Then my team teareth down and starteth over, O Great King, Merciful King, King of Kings…"

 

So I, Abibarshim, gave certain orders that did fix those designs thenceforth.

 

But many days did pass, and the tower did rise slower than sap rolleth down the bark of a tree.

 

So I, Abibarshim, did seek out the Chief Aethyopean, who seemed to know where it's at, and asked, "How come no tower?"

 

And he did answer, "O Great and Merciful King, I be running short of bolt tighteners."

 

"Well, buy some more!"

 

"I have, O King, but each one either getteth used up or runneth off as soon as he learneth his trade."

 

"Which is?"

 

"The Makers of Engines have designed the granite facing panels such that no man hath arms long enough nor thin enough to reach the bolts. Thus each panel requires that a bolt tightener crawl behind and affix the bolts."

 

"So?"

 

"So then he cannot get back out, O King, but is entombed there forever."

 

I, Abibarshim, did then call for a redesign which cost us three months and one thousand gold talents. But the days did pass and the tower had attained only four tiers in height. So I did go to the Chief Scribe to inquire why.

 

"O King, we have been awaiting, lo, these many months, the columns of Corinthian marble for the fifth tier."

 

"Is marble from Corinth so hard to find, then?"

 

"Nay, Sire, but the Corinthian stone cutters make columns only in heights which be whole numbers of cubits. And the Makers of Engines have specified cubits which be twelve cubits plus eleven-seventeenths part of a cubit. Such columns are not to be found in all of Corinth as an off-the-shelf item."

 

"Well, let's just change the drawings and round them off to thirteen cubits even."

 

"Nay, Sire, for they must match unto the interior columns, which are bought pre-cut from Ionia and which we have aplenty."

 

"Okay, we'll cut the Ionian columns down and go unto twelve cubit columns all around."

 

"Nay, for the Ionian columns be all of one piece with their capitals. To shorten them would mean cutting off their capitals."

 

"What in the name of Marduk is wrong with that? We can just fit new capitals on top of the shortened columns."

 

"Nay again, Sire. The entire structure unto the very top is designed around monobloc capitals. To add new capitals would weaken the fifth and higher tiers and require a complete redesign!"

 

I, Abibarshim, King of Kings, avouch that Makers of Engines, for all their craft, know not how to fly. For surely the Chief of the Makers of Engines and all his men would have flown down, had they known how, from the fourth level of my tower, from which parapet I, Abibarshim, King of Kings, had them flung.

 

Therefore have I, Abibarshim, King of Kings, created this Code and ordered it displayed at the Coffee Machine and all other places where hangeth out the Designers of Buildings and Makers of Engines.

 

The Code of Abibarshim

 

I. Once thou decidest what name to call a thing, that shall be its name forever after, until eternity passeth. Nor shall thou call any other thing by that name, for each thing shall have a name unto itself.

 

II. And in like manner shall be the enumeration of each thing.

 

III. Continue not to design a thing unto perfection, for, verily, an ounce of timeliness is more valuable than a pound of perfection. Once thou hast approved a design, go not back and improve it, unless of necessity most dire.

 

IV. Cover not thy tracks but make thy calculations plain, that those who follow thee may trace any error to its beginning and thus set it and all its brethren upon the path of righteousness.

 

V. And mock not the necessary papyrus work, for it is the handmaiden of what thou createst in stone and iron. Completest all thy papyri as thou goest and hoardest them not as a surprise for manufacturing.

 

VI. Attendest first to that which hath the most importance. Waste not time fixing thy wind to heavy papyrus with wire.

 

VII. He who designeth without a plan is like he who rusheth forth into darkness without a torch. Rush not ere thou knowest whither, for there are many snares and pitfalls in the dark, and wild beasts to reach up and bit thine ass or camel on the path named Critical.

 

VIII. Specify not odd-ball sizes and kinds of things, but design unto standards, that the scribes may buy stuff off-the-shelf and dabble not with specials.

 

IX. Design not assemblies which require four arms to put together or operate. Verily, the guy we hire in these days hath not four arms but ten thumbs.

 

X. Remember well that all which thou designest shall be a balance of time and cost and quality and function. If thou attendest not to all four, then miserable shall be thy lot and brief thy employment (unless thou knowest how to fly).

 

 

[DAVID SEE]

Holy Crap!!!!!!!!!!

 

I understand the frustration:contract:

 

 

[spacesailor]

Yep, The old AUF see eagle, design plane, make plane. FLY like an eagle.

 

Now, read manual on law, read manual on regulations, read manual on human-factors .

 

weight & balance for jumbo-jet, traffic control for Syd Mel Bris aiports.

 

If Aborigines' could shape a stick 40 thousand years ago, to fly to its destination and return if it missed the target, Where's their bulkrap on ramp checks.

 

Pilots flew to Narromine for many years and will fly to other destinations after Casa has chased them away.

 

RAA will be PPA,

 

spacesailor