Phil Perry Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 An Englishman, A Scotsman and an Irishman. . . . were chatting in a bar. . . "As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two." "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. "Back home in me favourite pub in Galway , the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!" The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. "Did this actually happen to you?" "Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, . . . But it did happen to me sister quite a few times." 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar ... The Bartender says; "This is a joke isn't it?" ..... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planedriver Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 That's terrible Phil! I went there too a while back with the misses. She hasn't been seen since, which turned me to drink. Nothing like an excuse to celebrate her happiness. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 My missus has a medical problem caused by excessive alcohol, whenever she gets drunk she wakes up with a sore what-ya-ma-call-it in the morning. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted July 10, 2016 Author Share Posted July 10, 2016 Isn't it great to get back to some decent humour now that the BritRef and the Australian Election are both over ? . . . There's only an impending world financial crash to get over now. . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted July 10, 2016 Author Share Posted July 10, 2016 An Optimist, a Pessimist and a Feminist are having a chat in a bar. The Optimist says :. . . . . That glass is half full. The Pessimist says :. . . . . That glass is half empty. The Feminist says : . . . . . .That glass is raped. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty, just drink it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted July 10, 2016 Author Share Posted July 10, 2016 It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty, just drink it! I'm with the Feminist mate. . . . I wanna RAPE it. . . . . Then another. . . and another. . . Sod PC. . .( I prefer my Apple Mac anyhow ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoff13 Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 The glass is refillable. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cscotthendry Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 Engineer: The glass is twice as big as it needs to be. 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onetrack Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 Accountant: The glass can be made smaller, and of thinner material. This will immediately translate to an additional $500,000 profit, annually. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 Lawyer: Successful litigation by a plaintiff for injuries arising from small, thin shards of glass could foreseeably run into millions. Likewise the company's failure to promote the responsible service of alcohol by manufacturing a glass of twice he standard size would adversely impact on the normally amicable relationship between the company and its insurers. Our advice is to steer the middle course and manufacture glasses of standard capacity and material thickness. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onetrack Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 Accountant: I specifically stated in my instructions, "smaller" size glasses, with thinner glass thickness. Find the person responsible for over-riding my instructions, and making them larger as well as thinner, and let him be the company scapegoat. He was operating without proper corporate authority. If the plaintiffs lawyers, by some deviousness, beat our team of scurrilous corporate lawyers, arrange to immediately and retrospectively, restructure the company, and transfer all the company assets to the new structure, so the plaintiffs win is a Pyrrhic victory. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planedriver Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 If the glass is full and it's a good vintage, simply send it to planey and there'll be no complaints. He'll even dispose of the glass or send it back for a refill. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pmccarthy Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 Environmentalist: engineers and accountants should not be allowed to determine the size of glass without an environmental impact statement. Whatever the size, the manufacturer must lodge a security amount for each glass sold to cover the eventual disposal cost. The manufacturer must purchase an area of beach which will become a perpetual reserve to protect the world's source of silica sand against eventual consumption in glassmaking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted July 11, 2016 Author Share Posted July 11, 2016 Environmentalist: engineers and accountants should not be allowed to determine the size of glass without an environmental impact statement. Whatever the size, the manufacturer must lodge a security amount for each glass sold to cover the eventual disposal cost. The manufacturer must purchase an area of beach which will become a perpetual reserve to protect the world's source of silica sand against eventual consumption in glassmaking. Duh,. . .er,. . .whenever I go to a rock concert,. . .duh,. ..or the Isle of Man TT races. . .duh,. . .they sell me beer in plastic containerz. . . .whassup ? don't they trust me ? ? ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hihosland Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 Nope! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted July 11, 2016 Share Posted July 11, 2016 whenever she gets drunk she wakes up with a sore what-ya-ma-call-it. Husband? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hihosland Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 with two sore what-ya-ma-call-its 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onetrack Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 Q. Did you hear they came out with a new shoe for lesbians? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue, and they only take one finger to get off! 1 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yenn Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 True story. Wine producers were buying glss bottles from China, cheaper than previous, BUT the costs incurred due to breakage in transit caused some to go back to the heavier stronger more expensive bottles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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