Old Koreelah Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 An old man is on his death bed and wants to be buried with his money. He calls his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. “Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me.” At the funeral, each man put an envelope into the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly breaks into tears and confesses: “I put only $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 to repair the roof of the church.” “Well, since we’re confiding in each other,” says the doctor, “I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new X-ray machine for the pediatrics ward at the hospital which cost $20,000.” The lawyer is aghast. “I’m ashamed of both of you,” he exclaims. “I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, I enclosed a cheque for the full $30,000.” 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rankamateur Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Last time I heard this joke it was his young wife who put the cheque in the coffin! Why are people so unkind? - to Lawyers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnarly Gnu Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Why are people so unkind? - to Lawyers. Haha, that's not tough to figure out = these bottom feeders are destroying our society and represent the lowest form of human civilization. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Koreelah Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 Haha, that's not tough to figure out = these bottom feeders are destroying our society and represent the lowest form of human civilization. Many of us have experienced the worst of them...which makes the decent lawyers stand out even more. Would we be better off without them? Like in China, Saudi...? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rankamateur Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Haha, that's not tough to figure out = these bottom feeders are destroying our society and represent the lowest form of human civilization. Come in Kaz 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnarly Gnu Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Many of us have experienced the worst of them...which makes the decent lawyers stand out even more. The 99% of loathsome creatures give the rest a bad name eh. Would we be better off without them? Unquestionably of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Would we be better off without them? Like in China, Saudi...? I got news for you buddy and it's all bad! Frivolous lawsuits and shark attacks are rampant in China. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cscotthendry Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Haha, that's not tough to figure out = these bottom feeders are destroying our society and represent the lowest form of human civilization. Yes and an inordinate number seem to end up in government where they really stuff everything up. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnarly Gnu Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Old Koreelah joking aside I know what you mean. Many decades ago - or perhaps a century - being a lawyer was indeed a noble profession; standing for justice and the truth, trying to protect the rights of the innocent individual etc. Indeed it is possible that there may be a very small number of this type left somewhere today but they have to be close to extinction. As a whole the profession has plummeted to the depths of becoming parasitical to society.... and a host is always going to do better without its leeches. I drive past one of their offices on the way to work, they have different 'A frame' signs out the front. "Victim of crime? We can help" stuff like that. Probably should put a second sign behind the first: "Benefiting from crime but got caught? We can help also". 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yenn Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Have you noticed that a failed lawyer usually becomes a politician. It is the ideal training for pollies. Lying, scheming and conniving. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cscotthendry Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Have you noticed that a failed lawyer usually becomes a politician. It is the ideal training for pollies. Lying, scheming and conniving. The Qld AG is shining example... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Koreelah Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 I agree, GG. My experiences of lawyers have not been encouraging. There are still a few who deserve respect, but they are unlikely to be wealthy. I have grown quite skeptical of the rich; to get there, so many have by-passed their conscience. Despite my prejudices, my kid and her hubby are both law graduates. (In their defence, they are on the side that puts bad guys away.) Like so many, they have other specialties but need a law degree to do their job properly. How ridiculous the law has become when it takes years of study to get a basic working knowledge if how it works. This is a result of lawyers contriving clever ways to get around the rules. The government eventually tries to plug each loophole with complex legislation. The Tax Act is a similar case; the printed version requires a forklift. The underlying problem is that we apply the LETTER of the law rather than the SPIRIT of the law. We all know the difference between law and justice. Maybe Iran is on the right track (but unfortunately they are limited to what was considered justice among desert dwellers fifteen centuries ago). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cscotthendry Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 The underlying problem is that we apply the LETTER of the law rather than the SPIRIT of the law. Garfield Barwick was a master at applying the LETTER of the law even when it made a nonsense of the SPIRIT of the law. His (debateable) judgements in some famous tax cases were instrumental in bringing about the rule that the minister's second reading speech can be taken into consideration when trying to apply legislation. Edit: And it was tthe practice of applying the letter of the law that resulted in the "Citizens United" (Oh how I hate the name of that case, it should have been titled "Corporates United against Democracy") judgement in the US Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Criminals of Calibre have enough money to afford the costliest of Lawyers. You always see the same ones around the biggest cases. I have been involved in some fairly big cases and in trying to defend the indefensible a few of the opposing Lawyers would say "don't blame us, we are only the hired GUN" They used to use every tactic they could to delay the case and make it cost more. Those funding them said " Go your hardest... We have deeper pockets than you". Justice? Forget it under those circumstances. Nev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 In any legal court case there can either be:- 1) 1 winner and 1 looser (in which case at least 50% of all litigants think bad things about lawyers, possibly more if the victory ended up being Pyrrhic) 2) 2 litigants who both feel they won a bit but also lost a bit (in which case 100% of litigants wonder whether lawyers represent a good return on investment) 3) 2 litigants who both won and therefore 100% of the litigants think lawyers are their best friends ever Nope never happened Is it any wonder lawyers get a bad rap when less than 50% of litigations can occur with people feeling they got exactly what they wanted, and rather than suggest that it was them that put them in a position of unlikely success, and rather than accept blame you blame your paid spokesman!!!! seems a bit of self navel gazing might be in order........ However lest it be said Im an apologist.......why in some states of Australia can people who buy real estate use a conveyor to facilitate the legal aspects of the purchase, where they are then covered against a professional mistake with appropriate insurance....and in other states like in NSW you must use a solicitor. Where at least on the small amount ive been involved in, it seems that the costs for the later are significantly higher than the conveyor approach and the work done by the solicitor was in reality done by a law clerk...... Never understood that myself. Andy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Koreelah Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 In any legal court case there can either be:-...why in some states of Australia can people who buy real estate use a conveyor to facilitate the legal aspects of the purchase, where they are then covered against a professional mistake with appropriate insurance....and in other states like in NSW you must use a solicitor. Where at least on the small amount ive been involved in, it seems that the costs for the later are significantly higher than the conveyor approach and the work done by the solicitor was in reality done by a law clerk...... Never understood that myself. Andy Politicians look after their mates. I look forward to the day when the majority of politician are drawn from the ranks of pilots, plumbers, teachers and nurses... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SDQDI Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Politicians look after their mates. I look forward to the day when the majority of politician are drawn from the ranks of pilots, plumbers, teachers and nurses... Because history shows that pilots don't look after their mates:amazon: I think that if those of us that are on here are a reasonable example of pilots I don't hold much hope for our country if we took over:peep wall: (Myself excluded of course:oh yeah:) That last comment just goes to show that our (even mine) opinion of ourselves is a lot higher than reality 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest just Mal Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 A friend who is a lawyer describes himself as a prostitute. There you are honesty in the profession! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stoney Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 It's probably only because his Mum would be ashamed of him if she knew he was a lawyer. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 It's probably only because his Mum would be ashamed of him if she knew he was a lawyer. That was so low ... and I laffed my ass off!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 That's appropriate. They say the law is an ass. Nev 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teckair Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 On the news recently a taxi driver was was having a smoke break in the early hours of the morning when someone who had been refused entry into a night club came along and smacked him in the face. This guy is now without a number of teeth and like he said, in court there will be a lawyer defending the attacker. This sort of stuff is now a nation wide problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 It's not a very heartwarming story so far................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Like every type of professional, they have their uses. While a few of them can be described as bottom feeders and ambulance chasers, in other cases they're just someone with a good knowledge of the law who looks out for your interests in various legal situations. I was on a jury once where the dopey defendant tried to represent himself. It was laughable and he only made himself look more guilty than the evidence already suggested he was. Like a lot of the "annoying" aspects of a free-ish democracy, on balance I think we're better off with them than without them. Doesn't stop me laughing at lawyer jokes though. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 An old man is on his death bed and wants to be buried with his money. He calls his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. “Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me.”At the funeral, each man put an envelope into the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly breaks into tears and confesses: “I put only $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 to repair the roof of the church.” “Well, since we’re confiding in each other,” says the doctor, “I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new X-ray machine for the pediatrics ward at the hospital which cost $20,000.” The lawyer is aghast. “I’m ashamed of both of you,” he exclaims. “I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, I enclosed a cheque for the full $30,000.” Reminds me of the old Irish joke... Paddy and Mick, after a few Guinnesses, are discussing their wishes when it came to burial. "Mick", says Paddy, "Will ye do someting for me now. After I'm buried, pour a bottle of Jameson's over my grave." Mick thinks seriously about this for a moment or two. "Aye Paddy, I will," he says. "But... d'ye mind if it goes by way of me bladder??" 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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