Captain Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 "...... regularly rolled on the floor covered in spaghetti and meat balls"... "Don't pHart on the Carpart you smart-ar(t)s" said Mavar(t)s, "Because if'n you do I will wrap the spaghetti in a noose around your meatballs until you vomart, dep(h)art and ....... In the meantime, MrH was in the garden with my Aunt and asked in a sad & plaintive tone "Why has Sl(h)artiB(h)artF(h)art stolen so many of my very clever "Hart/art" jokes without paying a royalty?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 "Don't pHart on the Carpart you smart-ar(t)s" said Mavar(t)s, "Because if'n you do I will wrap the spaghetti in a noose around your meatballs until you vomart, dep(h)art and ....... ..cry out for smarties." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Mr Hart was doing a portrait of The Rat to enter in the prestigious Baldiarse Competition. The teeth were gleaming, the eyes were bulging, and Ratso was alternatively sipping Chardonnay, and picking up minties from the Cherubs in his foyer. He'd taken the opportunity to impress the clientele booking in for the night, which being Saturday consisted of half the population of Wagga Wagga with half the population....well that's another story. It was all going well until Mr Hart made a little squiggle with the brush. "Mine's BIGGER than that!" he snapped, but the artist took no notice, and in fact sniggered "I'd give my eye teeth to be able to see" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrH Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Mr Hart was doing a portrait of The Rat to enter in the prestigious Baldiarse Competition.The teeth were gleaming, the eyes were bulging, and Ratso was alternatively sipping Chardonnay, and picking up minties from the Cherubs in his foyer. He'd taken the opportunity to impress the clientele booking in for the night, which being Saturday consisted of half the population of Wagga Wagga with half the population....well that's another story. It was all going well until Mr Hart made a little squiggle with the brush. "Mine's BIGGER than that!" he snapped, but the artist took no notice, and in fact sniggered "I'd give my eye teeth to be able to see" MrHart reached into his sachel & said :"Here ElRatto, you may need to use this!"...[ATTACH]13438.vB[/ATTACH] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryon Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 MrHart reached into his sachel & said :"Here ElRatto, you may need to use this!"...[ATTACH=CONFIG]20843[/ATTACH] "Hold on" said Mavis " I happen to know a little bit about Elratto and I can assure you that he does not need to use such a device. All his devices are for the pleasure of ............ "Little bit being the operative word" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 "Hold on" said Mavis " I happen to know a little bit about Elratto and I can assure you that he does not need to use such a device. All his devices are for the pleasure of ............ "Little bit being the operative word" "Well, ..................................................................... I have never been so insulted" cried ElRatPoo. "You should get out more often." yelled Bryon who had penned the sharpest barb of all. "And to think that I befriended H when all others shunned him at NatFly last year, I spent time sitting with him in his very comfy camp, and the only explanation for his magnifying-glass quip must be that he must have peaked when I went up to the showers." mumbled ElRatSack into his beard in a melon-choly, lettuce and tomato manner. "Don't worry about the length jokes" said Nanna "Just think of it as a short stroke engine and wind up the rev's ...... here I'll show you." "The Rat smiled, considered the length of his tail, the width of his shoulders, the flash of his 24 cwt fang (which all indicate a strong propensity to being a Stud Rat) and said "............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 "The Rat smiled, considered the length of his tail, the width of his shoulders, the flash of his 24 cwt fang (which all indicate a strong propensity to being a Stud Rat) and said "............. "See what I mean" wailed Nanna, "You get me all wound up, then ............ (zero (aviation term)) "I'd give my right one to have balls." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 "See what I mean" wailed Nanna, "You get me all wound up, then ............ (zero (aviation term)) "Oh, .... fair suck of the sav, Nanna." relied ElRatsack "It may not be huge, but it isn't zero (honoulable Cowla aviation term) either ....................... and you've never complained (copilot's aviation term) before." "I know darling" Nanna said sheepishly (rural term) "And I feel bad about tipping a bucket on you now, too, but ........................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 "Oh, .... fair suck of the sav, Nanna." relied ElRatsack "It may not be huge, but it isn't zero (honoulable Cowla aviation term) either ....................... and you've never complained (copilot's aviation term) before." "I know darling" Nanna said sheepishly (rural term) "And I feel bad about tipping a bucket on you now, too, but ........................ "...Let's get some flour and see if we can find the wet spot first" "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous, but I hate swimming." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 "...Let's get some flour and see if we can find the wet spot first" "Waste of time" responded Bryon "As it is wet everywhere, the drought is broken, Lake Eyre is full, the pellicans are nesting, there is a mouse and rat plague (or at least he writes a ship-load of posts on the NES, which makes it seem like a plague), my bri-nylon dacks are mouldy, my brine has algy on top of it, and so does Nanna." "How did you know about Algynon (not that there is anything wrong with that)" yelled Nanna. "I told 'em" replied Mavis, who had just come back into the NES as a double D (after she had just been in hospital getting a breast reduction, and to save cash (aviation term) the excess was used to give Tubb an enlargement of his ................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryon Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 "Waste of time" responded Bryon "As it is wet everywhere, the drought is broken, Lake Eyre is full, the pellicans are nesting, there is a mouse and rat plague (or at least he writes a ship-load of posts on the NES, which makes it seem like a plague), my bri-nylon dacks are mouldy, my brine has algy on top of it, and so does Nanna." "How did you know about Algynon (not that there is anything wrong with that)" yelled Nanna. "I told 'em" replied Mavis, who had just come back into the NES as a double D (after she had just been in hospital getting a breast reduction, and to save cash (aviation term) the excess was used to give Tubb an enlargement of his ................... "I hope you are not gonna use that to improve your chances in the Baldiarse competition" said Mavis "We all know Elratto is trying to bribe (rodent term of endearment) everyone he can, just so he can win" Now Tubbs, who hadnt been the recipient of one of Elrattos generous offers , thought long and hard (Mavis term of attraction) about the usefullness of having such an enlarged appendage "Dont do it" said Nana, "Your weight and balance will be............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 "....all in the rear based on what I've seen...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 "....all in the rear based on what I've seen...." "I am not a Lobster" responded Thermidore, "And that's a bit rich given what I have seen of Tubb's empenage .......... but while I'm belting the crap out of NES contributors, I note that the SkipperRat has removed a lot of his thatch in preparation for participating in, and making a serious run at, the Bald Archies." "Don't forget about Bryon either" quipped Tubb "As from his photo he looks to be a dandy nong (CASA specific aviation reference), on the wrong side of 40, and ................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Looks like we've lost a few pages Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 "I am not a Lobster" responded Thermidore, "And that's a bit rich given what I have seen of Tubb's empenage .......... but while I'm belting the crap out of NES contributors, I note that the SkipperRat has removed a lot of his thatch in preparation for participating in, and making a serious run at, the Bald Archies." "Don't forget about Bryon either" quipped Tubb "As from his photo he looks to be a dandy nong (CASA specific aviation reference), on the wrong side of 40, and ................ he can't count that Tubb as 10 before now is 20 as we have now only come half way then before...so is the wrong side of 40 really showing to him that he needs a... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahlocks Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 "It's the drugs.." whispered Nurse Trixie.:whisper:confiding why Tubz was having numeric difficulties. "Poor Tubz hasn't been able to count above one since the operation.... " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 "Nah nah nah nah nah" said Turbo "The prose was there and now it's not there. Ahshifty sox is involved with this" Ahlow I was able to count to two, and was pretty happy with that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryon Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 "Balls" declared Mavis, "It is not the drugs, as the big V does not affect the mind. .....Unless you think with your........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 "Balls" declared Mavis, "It is not the drugs, as the big V does not affect the mind. .....Unless you think with your........... ...... empenage, as I have a V that has affected a few minds (and other things) over the years, and I have always prided myself on that." "Please explain" said AhSoxinhisJox, who had lead a sheltered life in his hangar playing with his rivet gun. "My secret (RAA Board term) attractive "V" is to always be "vivacious"" replied Mavis "As a well groomed woman using good quality makeup will always get ............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 replied Mavis "As a well groomed woman using good quality makeup will always get ............ laid................................off, for causing a distraction to the... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 laid................................off, for causing a distraction to the... ....... Pilot-in-Command (aviation term), because the PIC (another aviation term) will be trying to achieve & hold the magical 5280 ft, while trying to encourage Mavis to join the club, without getting makeup on his collar, and still reach a ..................... Le plume de ma tante is in the garden with only 32 posts to go to the magical post # 5000 ...... or ma tante reckons that perhaps post # 5280 is more important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryon Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 ....... Le plume de ma tante is in the garden with only 32 posts to go to the magical post # 5000 ...... or ma tante reckons that perhaps post # 5280 is more important. "Dont start that again" yelled Tubz, "You know I have trouble with double digits ........ and I cant convert feet to miles, so Mavis is safe with me":cool_shades: "Mind you, I do reside at Bang....holme, so Mavis (or ma tante) are welcome to visit without fear of heights" Now all this banter about his aunt (French term) had Elratto in a bit of a quandry. Should he remonstrate with the NESsers or come back with a bon mot of wit and humour . So, after cleaning the makeup off his shirt, Elratto .............. "Oooooh look" said Mavis "Post number number ..69" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 "Dont start that again" yelled Tubz,"You know I have trouble with double digits ........ and I cant convert feet to miles, so Mavis is safe with me":cool_shades: "Mind you, I do reside at Bang....holme, so Mavis (or ma tante) are welcome to visit without fear of heights" Now all this banter about his aunt (French term) had Elratto in a bit of a quandry. Should he remonstrate with the NESsers or come back with a bon mot of wit and humour . So, after cleaning the makeup off his shirt, Elratto .............. "Oooooh look" said Mavis "Post number number ..69" "Je choose une Bon Mot, (instead of une "remonstrate" .... which je leaves to mon mistress ("I ride a Honda" to quote an old joke)), so all je need to do now is wait for mon Tante to come back in from the garden so that je can learnt what a "Mot" is, let alone a beautiful one." said Le Rat to his self. "I know what a "Mot" is." responde le SportStar Pilotee "As I touched on a bit of French while learning Czech (Beercan term) in preparation for reading my Aircraft Manual (a shipload of aviation references)." AhPyromaniac continued "As well as being a Francais abbreviation for "Moderator", a Mot is .................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 ....a form of french dug.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 ....a form of french dug.... "Non, TurboPlantere (vous BangeHolme drongo), not une Moat, I was refere to une Mot, which everyone knows is une ......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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